Previously, I have hinted at my childhood abuse. At times, I thought to write about it here and go into details, as a way to explain and possibly provide healing for anyone else going through the healing process.
But it seems what I want to share is a letter of forgiveness first. This letter is the second letter which comes 16 years after the first letter I sent. The first letter sent back in 1993 actually revealed to my perpetrators what I knew and experienced. One would think retelling people what they did was a silly thing to do, but when you live with secrets and denial, sometimes point blank shouting it out is the only thing to do.
Again this is what the Story of the Little Soul encouraged me to do, after 34 years when the abuse began.
"Many years have passed, with silence, blame and accusations between us. Within this time and space, I have taken the necessary steps to find peace among the chaos that was our shared past. When I made accusations so long ago, I was mad, hurt, confused and felt as if my entire existence was based on a lie. My childhood was not happy, because there were ugly secrets hiding in the background.
My truth is that through observation, actual play or conversation, I was exposed to topics not meant for children. I do understand you were also a child in many ways, trying to make sense of your experiences. I also understand you went through some difficult times growing up with your own abuses.
The person I have become is only possible with my life experiences. The woman I am today is a strong, self reliant, dedicated, persistent, spiritual person. Not saying I think my life experiences to date have all been rosy or acceptable, but they have made me the woman I am today. I love who I am and if that means accepting my past, then I will and I have.
I would say thank you for shaping me into this person, but that sounds a bit “odd” considering the history between us. But, “I forgive you for all the past transgressions”, seems more appropriate and freeing for us both.
Forgiveness is a term defined in many ways. I have let go of this many years ago, but never indicated this to you. I didn’t think it necessary, as you have your life/choices to contend with as I have mine. However, I came across a story of forgiveness which struck a cord. This story gave me the desire to actually write this letter.
What is my intent after this letter? The honest truth, I don’t expect or want anything more. This is not to be an invitation for relationship. I am quite content with my life as it is, in terms of who and what I have become. I am deeply spiritual, dedicated to a life built on humanity and fairness. From what I know, my life would jar yours and that would not be a comfortable place for either of us. My lifestyle and choices are not main stream and I am not willing to compromise for anyone. I am certain if you asked my parents they would agree. I am an eclectic, passionate person with a strong opinion. This can be a challenge to be around and quite honestly, I am satisfied with that.
In closing, I wish you the best on your journey of life’s discovery. Please know I have let go of all ill will and have arrived at a very happy place of peace and understanding.
May the Universe provide you with what it is you need in terms of life’s lessons and supports. I know deep within, my soul is on its path and that you had a hand in providing me some of my life lessons, for this I am grateful and apologetic for causing you any harm.
Peace and light,"