26 May, 2010

Finding Relief

Late Monday night, I started the beginning to an end.  I had a miscarriage.  For the past 2 months I have known about this pregnancy.  This wasn't a planned pregnancy, but after our initial shock and surprise, we were very excited to welcome a new soul to our family. 

3 weeks ago, the ultrasound discovered a subchorionic bleed.  Some of these bleeds are benign, but that wasn't my fate.  After the miscarriage I had in 2007, I thought that just maybe I had enough bad outcomes and I would carry a healthy baby.  For some reason this surprise was not to be a happy event.

There were many lessons learned, some that were surprising.  The boys learned when you pray, sometimes a different outcome will occur.  Now they are proud big brothers of an angel and that makes them happy, even though they were very excited to have a baby brother or sister, mostly sister.

I truly wish if this was to be the outcome, that I never became pregnant.  Having to miscarry at 12 weeks is no easy feat especially when you do it naturally, without the D&C scheduled.  Emotionally, I am relieved, as the past 3 weeks have been torture wondering if this was healthy or not, waiting for my next ultrasound appt. to see if there was a heartbeat and that the placenta was attached or if the bleed grew to detach it.

This stress was beyond what I thought could happen.  But now the answers are here, in terms of whether or not I would carry to my due date in fear of losing the baby each and every day. 

Will there be another baby for our family?  Not certain.  Time will tell and we need to make certain that all parties involved are healthy.  For now, I found relief in a horrible outcome and continue to learn about life's mysteries. 

May we all find some relief and solace to situations out of our control or understanding!

1 comment:

Tan Family said...

Oh, I'm so sorry about your loss. Thank you for sharing this and for posting on our blog. These things happen for reasons that we will never be able to explain. Sharing our pain, grief, and all of the other emotions is important. Blessings on your beautiful family!