MystikMomma - Musings, Mothering, Maturing, Meandering & Magik

Mother's Day

2011-05-09T10:50:00.000-04:00

As the Mystik Momma, I must say I enjoyed a nice and slow paced mother's day. By big boy made me a bagel, both boys set up the patio so I could enjoy the warming sun rays, got in a few rows knitting a baby item for a friend, dinner out with family, dessert out in a quaint village.

The best thing about yesterday wasn't any of the above... it was the early morning snuggle in the bed with my boys. My little guy was very happy to give me a hug and a kiss, but then asked so innocently... as if he completely forgot..."When is it kid's day, mommy?"

That was it... I just smiled and hugged him more for his innocence and the knowledge I am helping him to preserve his wonder and childhood. I am very lucky to be a mother and to spend all this time with them as the grow, learn, and consider their world.

Hope all the mommas out there were able to enjoy their special day!

Rethinking...

2011-04-15T12:10:00.000-04:00

Not certain what I want to do with this space and if it serves me anymore. I do love blogs as I read quite a few in Reader. But do I want to blog is really the question here.

Facebook has allowed me to join activitist groups easily. It allows me to submit letters to officials in a snap and allows me to post my opinions, which I have a few....
But it also has found a connection for me to my passions which has opened up a whole new group of relationships dedicated to the Sacred Feminine. I realize there I have found my passion and it is easy.

So what would be left here to say, when I am all talked out elsewhere??? Again this is the question at hand.

Mother in Law Rant

2011-02-23T12:57:00.000-05:00

I don't like errands from my mother in law. She wants me to take, develop and mail a 4x6 photo of the boys. When I said I can email her some pictures, she gave me a million reasons why that wouldn't work. Sure put the burden on me! So I gave her my honest answer and told her I didn't like having to do those things, as it is not as easy as one would think... drive here, there, boys in and out of the car, my travel time etc.

I don't live in a little city, I live in a sprawled out place and who develops pictures anymore? A task like this will end up taking me the better part of an afternoon. Really, this is what I need just because she is unwilling to develop a picture from her email? Why am I tasked for her?

This drives me nuts and as I just smiled and didn't say anything else, I know in my heart I will not do this. I will send her some photos online and suggest she have them printed off of snapfish or any other online printing source.

Reality is that I am very busy! I constantly struggle with time for schooling, keeping house.. laundry, making meals, and oh yeah, I also do consulting for a small family restaurant, working on a Reiki Training for May, considering co-creating a homeschool co-op, trying to network and find resources like raw milk, CSAs, food co-ops, trying to daily improve our health and well being... making gifts for people via knitting, managing finances, planning our trips and such... I mean I am busy! There are more things going on and I don't need other people's errands. Please don't task me for your sake. I have so many projects on my plate and I have 3 people in this family besides me that take precedent.

BTW... when I was able to send photos to them now and then long time ago, less on my plate actually, they didn't appreciate them. I received a huge stack of photos I had given them back. So where is the justice here?

Ugh ugh. That is all I have to say for today.

Groudhog's Day ...I RESURFACE!

2011-02-02T11:46:00.000-05:00

Last post was the last day of the year. Finally, much like the groundhog, I crawl out of my blogging cave to resurface!

I admit to spending too much time over in Facebook Land, which I was much opposed to in the beginning. However, I find most of what I do over there is focused on activism and keeping up on issues that are important to me. I am very concerned with our food supply and keep up on the organic fight to non GMO foods. Also I follow an author there who is in the thick of uncovering the truth about women in our religious herstory. What a different world we would live in if the men of the past didn't cover up and scandalize those beautifully strong women.

So FB is my way to stay connected to issues and I almost always prefer a good solid email between friends. Blogging has taken the back seat as I haven't been in the pensive mode lately. Granted we were relocating, house hunting, setting up the house, homeschooling etc, but I am trying to figure out what needs to happen in this space and haven't found out the purpose yet. I feel changes coming and I need to give it the time and space for it to arrive I guess.

In the meantime, I posted a response to a fellow blogger taking about the "other" woman... the one who we were before marriage, children, homemaking etc.

Here is my take on my own journey in realizing there was another woman.

"Yes, I understand this one perfectly. It took me a while to get out of meeting babies needs… then it was figure out how to live on one income… then it was relocating to South Florida.. then it was figuring out how to be a homeschooling mom, which led to a homeschooling family…then another relocation which brought about so many skeletons…then finally we found our home which brought renovations…and finally today or really the start of this year, I am coming to terms with the other woman. I have started to carve out time for me, after getting others settled into their lives. It takes us by storm becoming wives, mothers etc. We lose ourselves, because we know how important it is to make those around us comfortable. Thankfully, I found the time to focus inward and to realize I was always there, just waiting, like at the train station for a train that would finally come. I am ready to board my train too now and figuring out my destination has opened up so many possibilities! I also enjoy the thought I have like minded companions on the train via the blogs I read and the journey’s we all seem to want."

Hope you are all on the journey you need to be!

The Last Day of the Year!

2010-12-31T12:21:00.000-05:00

Today, I am feeling a bit strange, out of body maybe or just foggy...suffering from sinus congestion. .Trying to remember where this year started and how far we have come or at least the distance traveled and all those accomplishments along the way.

Last year we were on the beach with really great family friends. We embraced the Blue Moon Goddess and danced on the sand in her healing light. It was magical!

Today I am processing a meeting held yesterday that left me feeling a little lost and unwanted. Due to the move, we had to find another homeschooling group to join and adjusting to their personalities has been a challenge for me. Even the boys have had some challenges and terribly miss their FL pals.

It seem the people here are very much settled into their thinking and have no space for new ideas or new energies. You can imagine how let down I feel, as I left this super dynamic support group of growth, support, energy, learning and light for are very closed, shy, let's not reach to high group. They all want more, and I actually have some ideas to help them, but they really weren't interested and didn't comment on any of what I offered. I am left missing and rethinking this entire move. What have we gained? Appreciation and Gratitude for the lovely people in Florida for sure. But right now it feels like we lost more than we gained.

So for 2011, I am a little happy the year is over, as it was a tough one full of many disappointments and struggles. Changes and challenges abound and we are now left to look at a new year with new hopes and dreams.

Will we stay in this group, I don't know. I really need to ground myself into what our family is about and make every effort to do what I can to let go of resentment and feelings that bring me down. I want to embrace and maybe that will come back to me.

Tomorrow we will do our annual vision board as a family. We will dream and aspire to abundance and allow the power of attraction to do its thing. There is a reason why we are here and I will do my best to let it happen and learn from this too.

Welcome 2011, I am ready for you!

Holiday Preparations

2010-12-11T10:40:00.000-05:00

This year we got started a little later than usual. Typically, I like to get things rolling the weekend after Thanksgiving so we can enjoy the decor longer.

Christmas Cookie list made - complete baking next week.
Tree Up, lights on, most ornaments - finish today.
Holiday Village - finish today.
Nutcrackers, stockings check!
Shopping almost complete - finish later in the week.
Wrapping gifts - finish later in the week.
Homemade items - still working...hoping to finish by the end of the week.
Denmark box - mail out next week.
Holiday Cards - going green this year and will send an email this week.
Clean house - ongoing!
Holiday meats ordered - pick up the 17th.
Christmas Recital - tomorrow.
Santa visit - tomorrow.

Lots to do next week, YIKES! But will finish those items when they are finished!

Happy Holidays to all!

Sore Throat

2010-12-10T15:49:00.000-05:00

Well I have a sore throat and it isn't from a post nasal drip. It is from yelling at my children, growling when I am really mad. If you are a long time reader of this blog, you know I have oscillated back and forth with spanking. In a long time attempt to not revert to old fashioned parenting that lacks imagination and thought, I have been left with yelling. I HATE it! Truly, I hate it everytime my temper gets out of control and I start screaming.

The fast remains, I am not heard in this house and the boys have other things on their minds. It will take them hours to do a task that should only take 5 minutes at best. Is this a factor of boys or children in general?

I sit and calmly explain, but that seems to go nowhere as my sore throat can attest. I had visions of happily decorating our house today and making cookies. It is not almost 4 pm and none of those things have happened yet, because they haven't done their parts... simple ones too, make bed, clean up the bedroom - which wasn't that dirty to begin with just some picking up really.

I feel exhausted and upset and just plain worn out from their incessant playing and messing around. How do I explain to them, that if you take 5 good minutes to do your task, then you can play and do what you want?

December Already?

2010-12-04T11:53:00.000-05:00

Last time I was here, it was the end of Sept. and now it is the beginning of Dec! In the past 2 months, we have moved out of our "Hometel", the Renaissance and into our new house, the ranchola. I refer to this is the ranchola, as it sounds kinda funny.

We painted almost every surface of this house to add our design sense, refinished floors, started a kitchen remodel, still in progress, updated the main bath, still in need of some finishing touches, bought necessary furniture, bought a mega furnace, unpacked... well almost all of our belongings... celebrated Halloween, Thanksgiving and Hanukkah and will prepare for Christmas next week.

We have been living, loving and learning here as well trying to set up a rhythm for our daily life. Some sewing started this week and knitting has been constant. Piano fills the rooms with sound from both boys and food comes out of our in process kitchen that smells divine. We have even got the pot belly stove working a couple of times to warm our toes.

There is a LONG list of things still waiting our capable hands, but all in time as we carve out our lives here. It has taken a while to warm up to this house and this house is finally starting to respond. I understand there is a soul in this house and finally we have connected. It has taken a while, but I feel the warm fuzzies now.

Boys seem to be very happy and that of course is reward enough. May this house provide for us a shelter that is solid, strong and filled with memories to last many lifetimes.

Finally we are home.

Time for a cleanse

2010-09-27T11:41:00.000-04:00

Let me be the first to tell you that living in a hotel is BAD for the waistline! When we moved to Key Biscayne, FL, we were in the hotel for 6 weeks. It was just enough time to be relaxing, then start to drive you crazy. After 2 weeks, all sense of your previous life starts to vanish and you are already bored with the menu.
During this 6 week stint, I gained a nice 10 pounds no problem. Currently we are living in a different hotel, and we have been here for 4 months going on 5. I have filled out my body with an extra 20 pounds... and have had enough!

I have started the cleanse, not only because of the weight, but because my body doesn't feel good. I am tired, sluggish, and gunky feeling. This is what a car must feel like before it gets its oil change.
I hope to say good bye to the 20 pounds and feel better, have more energy and fit into all of my fall clothes.

Beware of hotel living... it will literally GROW on you!

Little Guy

2010-09-23T23:15:00.000-04:00

V turns 6 tomorrow! Tonight on the eve of his birthday, I reflect. V is such a lovely little guy, full of his own determination to make his own path. He beats to his own drum, literally.

He has the biggest deep blue eyes that pull you in, followed be the strangest laugh. He is my baby, the one that I hold to calm and ground me. I know baby is not really the correct term to define this young brutish boy, but he is mine and I will call him such.

There is so much he is learning, loving and living. I am amazed at what love can create and he was certainly welcomed into a loving family. I wish for him only the best! He is sweet, brash, calm, focused, loud, creative, intuitive, trusting, lovely and all boy.

6 years ago.... what a cute bundle!

Happy Birthday my little guy!

Expectations

2010-09-22T23:17:00.000-04:00

It seems there are expectations and assumptions everywhere and when they are placed on you, it can be a little unnerving. Case in point, both of the boys will start their enrichment program next week in 2 different locations. These groups have a rhythm set up already from previous years wherein the families each bring something to share for lunch. In theory I like this idea as it promotes sharing and that communal feel.
However, when you are without a kitchen, pots pans, ingredients to boot, well this expectation seems like asking for the world! Additionally, we are the new family and we are not familiar with the flow of the day. I need to rush out and buy slippers because each student MUST wear them during the school day. Everyone in Ohio has slippers right?
Newsflash, we were living in South Florida for the past 3 fall/winters, so we don't have slippers and if we did, they would be packed away, buried in a storage unit off the side of the highway, 30 mins. away.
When I have asked for clarification, I have been met twice from two different people, annoyance it would seem. The reality is, I am not in a routine, I am living out of a suitcase in a hotel. I am trying my best to provide some sort of calm for my boys, but truly, can I have a break here? Where is the understanding, compassion or heck where is the welcome committee? Not once has there been an email/phone call that went something like this..,"We know this is all new for you and you are living out of a hotel, so take your time, don't worry about some of the details or expectations. Give it a week or two and we can ease into it and at any point, just ask. We are more than willing to help your family get settled in as this must be a huge transition for you."

NOT ONCE has this been offered or put out there. I am made to feel as if I should reread the ONE registration form for all the missing insinuations there, that I should just KNOW! Sensing my frustration yet? Times like this I wonder how these individuals would fair if their world was turned upside down and they were asked to do some of these things on the turn of a dime!

I REALLY REALLY REALLY miss my homeschool families in Florida. They are the best; so helpful, kind, giving and understanding. Maybe my expectations are also too high... so I just need to figure it out on my end. Trying, I really am, trying.

Fall Equinox

2010-09-21T23:30:00.002-04:00

Good things? Special time in the year that marks passages.
Today the energy splintered for me. Not certain what to think. What is to come, I only pray good. We have many changes and I am not feeling particularly excited about them. Seems like I am going through the phases, but not enjoying the process. Trying to work on this.

2010-09-17T15:59:00.000-04:00

Here is the conversation in the car today....
"Mommy what are they doing?" "They are gathered together for a funeral, either a family member or a very good friend has died and they are all going to drive in a line to the burial site". "Will AF, (to protect the innocent), come to my funeral?" "If you are still friends, then yes, he probably will." " He said we were not going to be friends forever, but friends for a very long time. Because friends forever means that when one of you dies the ghost comes back to hold your hand really tight and make it purple, it is so tight. So that is why not forever, but for a long time."

Life and Death are just what they are at this stage, matter of fact. Out of the mouth of babes they say?

Being Okay With Life

2010-09-16T13:11:00.002-04:00

In the shower today, I was thinking about my age. Not because of any reason, or recent comment, just because. I was thinking of the numbers.... 3.... 8.... and then it hit me, they are the equivalent of 11 in numerology for the higher number meaning spiritual teacher. I smiled and thought, 38 isn't the nasty number I had thought before. I actually like this number and feel proud now to say "I am 38". Yes I am.

Maybe I am coming into my own, feeling settled, feeling on the right path? No matter what the reason, I feel great and so happy to be where I am in my today.

Gentle Cleansing

2010-08-29T11:36:00.000-04:00

Better understanding of tears and why we need to release them is found here.
When I read this post, I realized that I do feel better after shedding some tears. No matter what prompted me to cry, it was necessary to release all of the toxins that have built up over time. It is a gentle cleansing. Maybe that is why we cry when we remember those who have passed on. We still need to release the pain and loss we have inside. By way of the tears, we cleanse these negative feelings out, so we may live anew with love and happiness inside.

Remembering

2010-08-28T23:53:00.000-04:00

Late night, watching youtube videos of Elvis Presley. I just finished the one here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ3MOyCn66w&feature=related
You know, it still hurts and I still cry. I do remember where I was when I heard he died. I was in my dad's green pick up truck, as we turned the corner of our street. It was on the radio that he died and I just looked at my mom and asked how that was possible. I loved Elvis as a little girl and I would watch him on TV. But I didn't know that people on TV were real. I thought they were all like cartoons, that nothing on TV was real.
Hearing that he died, hit me hard because I knew what death was. It has happened to my baby sister and now he was dead. I loved Elvis for some reason, maybe because my dad resembled him, or maybe just because I liked his singing. But to know he was dead too, well that was a bit too much for me at 5.
After all these years, it still get to me. Why after all these years does the heart still ache when logically, we know what death is? Why does it hurt so much to know a loved one, whether from afar or close, is no longer here?
I am no stranger to death. I have been to so many funerals, more than I ever thought I could be to. But why does it sting every time?
Sort of a different post for me, but this would be under the label, meandering maybe.
All in all, I am an Elvis fan and it still hurts no matter what.

Home Sweet Home...

2010-08-24T15:11:00.000-04:00

Finally, we found a home, a simple modest home that offers much more beyond face value. The house hunting process has been an adventure with some ups and downs. We looked at so many possibilities, dreamed some grand renovations, thought of investment potentials and finally realized we only need a home that will meet our needs, not exceed or stretch our boundaries. A home that will nurture our entire family is really all this is required.

This is a house that provides for all of our needs. There is plenty of room to play, climb, create and grow both inside and out. Thanks to all of my Florida Ranch home owners for their ideas on open living. I see this house differently than I would have a few years back. I see its beauty and its charm.

The season is starting to turn, cooler nights, shorter days... autumn's harvest and bounty are about to be gathered. Harvest is a time to reap what we sow, enjoy our bounty and prepare for the long winter ahead. I see the patterns of the seasonal change in this housing process. The hunting is over and we are now about to gather our spoils. We will soon be creating our internal focus in our home to prepare for a long haul. I find comfort in this pattern and like how it coincides with the harvest.

Additionally, I feel the barrier has been lifted and my body is more at ease. I see the boys also grower calmer. We have a place to call home and soon, very soon, we will be able to create memories in strong supportive walls.

Soon, very soon, we will be going home!

Try Again!

2010-08-16T23:14:00.000-04:00

Okay, so the house we thought was going to be our home, turned out to be more of a hassle, which made us second guess the "lure" of the purchase. In the end, it is a house we are not happy with as it is missing some of the features we are ultimately looking for. Could we have made it a home, absolutely, but would we have wished we had this or that? Yes.
In the end, it was best to move on as we couldn't come to terms after all inspections were completed. Now a house we put an offer in on before, came back to us asking if we were still interested. The answer was yes, as the house is cute, charming and cozy. We just need to find a better price point, which we may have found. We will know something soon, I am certain.
Life moves in mysterious ways, I would say and we are all along for the ride.
Happy August and Elvis lives in the hearts of us all who cherish him. (Today was the anniversary of his death, yes HUGE Elvis fan here)!

We are no longer homeless!

2010-08-03T20:15:00.000-04:00

This September, we will move into our new house! All of us are very excited to have this part of the process completed. Now the banks and Realtors do their thing so we can get on with moving in.

There can be excitement with moving around, traveling and living out of a suitcase for a while. However, after some time passes, it is always nice to know where home is. You know that place that memories are made, laughter is heard, tears are wiped away, celebrations are shared, and growing takes place, well that is home. We are on our way home and very happy about it.

Almost There!

2010-08-03T00:05:00.000-04:00

It would appear the gap we need to close on the latest house offer is less than 3000.00. Not bad considering our housing search literally took us all over a 3 county area surrounding the Greater Cleveland Area.
The house is modest, nothing flashy like the last home we purchased, but it has good bones and an open floor plan, which is what we are most concerned with. After having lived in as little as 1250 square foot of space, including storage in that number, we welcome 2400 square foot, 2 car garage, basement, tub and a small yard!
There are some updates we need to do, mainly decor. We may add a door, cut out a small portion of the stairwell wall, but other than that we are just putting up some modern paint colors, and uncovering the beautiful hardwoods underneath ghastly carpet!
It will be nice to have a place to "hang our hat" and "call home".
Tomorrow is the big day when we finalize numbers and get the ball rolling in terms of closing on the house. By Oct 1st, we hope to be moved in and finishing with the last of our boxes.
Here is to having a great day tomorrow, the day we finally had our offer accepted!

Hunting

2010-07-26T23:50:00.000-04:00

Well for houses that is. We are in the process of finding a new home. Originally, we thought it might be best to rent, as in a 3 year option. But after finding our way back to Ohio, it now seems a better option to buy.

With so many houses on the market, you would think it would be easy to find a house, for a great price. Not so. Due to the variables, safety, commute, taxes, resale, market time, community amenities, lot size, square footage, condition of the home and so on, it has been difficult to find just the right one, we are willing to commit to.

We have been looking for 7 weeks going on our 8th. We have physically be in 50 plus homes. In and out, up and down it seems. I have seen how people live, or have lived and each home tells a story, some good, but what we are finding is mostly bad. The downturn in the economy hit hard this area of Northeast Ohio. Sad to see it so beaten up actually.

The silver lining is all of this is that we are finally finding a common thread of what we want, where we want to be and what we think a fair price for a home is pending all the variables. We have actually put 2 offers in already. The 1st was rejected and the 2nd, was just countered. Until we counter back, we are going to make certain we know our final price, so another day of house hunting.

Again, all of this is a process and when you put numbers on paper, things start to become black and white. Emotions play into this very little. The first home we bought was emotional and this home will be a business move, something solid and well thought out.

I think I am getting it... I am growing up, maturing and making better decisions - like a real adult! WOW, I feel like a real adult and I am *cough* over 35! Yikes! Not telling how much over.
Happy days to all of you!

Another Birthday

2010-07-23T22:48:00.000-04:00

This week, I also celebrated a birthday. Not a "biggie" but another year passed none the less. As mystikman works crazy hours and days off are never planned more than a week out, we always do things last minute. When it looked like we may have a couple night off in a row, I was able to have the boys go with my parents for the night and thought that we could have an adult evening. But when you are the planner in your family, nothing like that happens unless you plan it. Now I know this, and I shouldn't be upset, but I was. Mystikman didn't think to plan anything for me. I make it very easy on him and only ask that I have a gourmet meal out, which is not hard for him to do since he is in the business. He has access to making this happen for very little and it truly makes me happy to be catered to with fine wine and food. A nice evening out with my hubbie is really all I wanted for my bday. Now did this happen? No.

Not only did it not happen, but we ended up spending the evening with his friends who I had suspicions about, which mystikman denied. Well my suspicions were proven true and I found myself dreading our time out with his friends. They make choices to live their lives differently than we do and when you philosophically chose things so opposite, it is hard for me to find commonalities or a desire to know more and forge a friendship. So here I am, out with my hubbie's friends at a bar where the beer was very expensive, (read here, expensive..we are trying to save money for a downpayment on a house), and the music was loud and we didn't have a gourmet quiet meal together. Fun, for who? NOT ME! Did I forget to mention it was MY birthday?

After it was all said and done, I didn't even get a card. Mystikman didn't take my children to sit down and draw me a card on some plain white paper.

Why is it so hard for him to figure out that there are 2 days out of the year that he needs to put a little effort into? Mother's day until the boys are old enough... our anniversary and my birthday....

Is this what I get for having some really special birthdays in my lifetime thus far? Are we only allowed so many? Well this ranks up there with the day I scrubbed our new apartment down, before we moved in... yucky.

Wish for a better one next year! He has all year to plan for it!

Turning 8

2010-07-05T10:40:00.001-04:00

This past weekend, my oldest L, celebrated his 8th birthday. 8! I remember the night before he was born. I put on makeup, did my hair and we checked into the hospital at midnight. I was being induced due to a small complication and we were praying for the best. 11:24 am the next day, he was out in as little as 4 pushes: crying with arms and legs outstretched for anyone to hold. I knew then, he was born for the world, not necessarily for me. He was going to be loud and out there, ready to do whatever. He was a wirey, skinny little thing, adoringly referred to as a chicken, by mystikman.

8 years ago...

Today he is still wirey and skinny, loud and smiles all the time. He is emotional, creative and ready for the world. I was right thinking he was for the world. He really doesn't require me, but likes the fact that I am there.

I am very honored that he chose me to be his momma. I love him dearly and pray for him every night. I want his life to be full of love, laughter and abundance. I wish for him to know nothing of sadness. He has moments of utter sweetness, grace and deep love that blow me away sometimes. He lights up my heart and always has. He is now my 8 year old son..... I am still awed by the miracle of life and how we come into the world and how we grow. Mystikman and I often look at each other in amazement. How could an act of love, create such a miracle an entire life force? (Okay I know all about the birds and the bees, but still, it is a marvel)!

I am a momma to an 8 year old son. WOW and now I am tearing up....enough said. Happy Birthday L, you are my baby and always will be, I love you to the moon and back.

Checking In

2010-06-24T14:17:00.000-04:00

It has been a while since I last posted. Much has gone on and I have no idea where to start!

Currently, we are living in a hotel. That is fun and not so fun. I don't have to clean, but I also don't have much choice on what we eat and being an organic family this is certainly not ideal. The suite itself is very large and that is a blessing with 2 young boys running here and there!

You can imagine we are house hunting as no one plans to live in a hotel long term. We have found a couple of options, but one in particular we are putting an offer on, today in fact. This home spoke to us in so many ways it started to become comical. Please send out positive energy, as we just want a smooth transaction without hiccups or interference.

Our car has been in the shop to repair an electrical issue. As I am excited to fix this problem, it has taken all of this week to do so and I am still without my car. They promise today, but truly I am getting a little suspicious with their estimates.

We are actually hanging out at my parents' while the car is being fixed and that has been okay. The boys are running around outside at will which makes me happy. We miss our daddy though.

Next week our series of summer camps start. Car better be fixed! The boys will learn proper baseball and enjoy a theater camp, while mommy does some consulting work. Then we all join a smaller group for a nature camp. Really looking forward to all of the activity and we are enjoying a lovely summer.

Hope the next post is regarding our new home that we will be moving in and that our offer was accepted!

Going "HOME"?

2010-06-09T13:13:00.001-04:00

We are here, Ohio that is. Finally the drive is over, (21 hours) and the movers unloaded all of our belongings. Huge feat and ordeal that is thankfully, behind us!

Weather is cooler than anticipated, so we are digging out our long sleeves and pants, but V is super excited because he loves wearing those kind of clothes. After all, he was born in Fall in Northeast Ohio, so seasonally, he is in heaven when he wears fall type clothing.

Settling and organizing this week, so I am prepared for house hunting next week. Many options to choose from, in terms of buying, renting, location, style, size etc. What a great time to buy a house actually.

Without going into all the details of the move thus far, we are happy to be in one place, happy to reconnect with some family and friends and are excited to find a new home, one that includes the following very important items that were sorely missed while living in Florida:

Bathtub
Garage
Back Yard - for digging and finding worms
Trees
Basement
Front Porch
No shared walls!!!!
The hunt begins!

Cleansing Tears

2010-05-29T20:45:00.001-04:00

For the past couple of days, I have had a splitting headache. The drastic change in my hormone levels is like the Demon Drop to my head. (Clear reference to Cedar Point for anyone who lives near the North Shore.... Lake Erie that is).

Tonight I was watching some TV, Parenthood to be exact. I started to cry at some of the story lines and miraculously, my headache is gone. Is it that simple a good cry gets the hormones in order?

Not certain how it all works, but feeling better as if the clouds have lifted and the rainbow is around the corner. Goddess knows I could use some good times! Life has been very challenging and I am working hard to put it all into perspective and take it one day at a time. But when it rains, it really poured this past week. Time for the stormy clouds to lift away and make way for some Sunny skies.

Anyone else in need of a rainbow?

Finding Relief

2010-05-26T18:28:00.000-04:00

Late Monday night, I started the beginning to an end. I had a miscarriage. For the past 2 months I have known about this pregnancy. This wasn't a planned pregnancy, but after our initial shock and surprise, we were very excited to welcome a new soul to our family.

3 weeks ago, the ultrasound discovered a subchorionic bleed. Some of these bleeds are benign, but that wasn't my fate. After the miscarriage I had in 2007, I thought that just maybe I had enough bad outcomes and I would carry a healthy baby. For some reason this surprise was not to be a happy event.

There were many lessons learned, some that were surprising. The boys learned when you pray, sometimes a different outcome will occur. Now they are proud big brothers of an angel and that makes them happy, even though they were very excited to have a baby brother or sister, mostly sister.

I truly wish if this was to be the outcome, that I never became pregnant. Having to miscarry at 12 weeks is no easy feat especially when you do it naturally, without the D&C scheduled. Emotionally, I am relieved, as the past 3 weeks have been torture wondering if this was healthy or not, waiting for my next ultrasound appt. to see if there was a heartbeat and that the placenta was attached or if the bleed grew to detach it.

This stress was beyond what I thought could happen. But now the answers are here, in terms of whether or not I would carry to my due date in fear of losing the baby each and every day.

Will there be another baby for our family? Not certain. Time will tell and we need to make certain that all parties involved are healthy. For now, I found relief in a horrible outcome and continue to learn about life's mysteries.

May we all find some relief and solace to situations out of our control or understanding!

Messiness

2010-05-22T09:36:00.000-04:00

This week has been full of messiness! Not only was I sloppy, spilling ingredients all over the counters, dumping my shredding basket all over the floor, among many other incidents by momma, but the boys were in their glory of messes!

It has taken the better part of the week to clean up, declutter, organize and FIND, items that needed to be put back in their homes; the places they belong. In addition to this strainghtening up, we have been messy with our words, feelings and emotions. Not really caring about the other, or ourselves in the process.

The move to Ohio, has proven to be very messy. As the promotion came for mystikman, it didn't come without complications or messiness. When it is all said and done, we will be in a place that we are meant to be in. This I know. But the process of getting there is a challenging mess!

Even today, after 2 weeks of moving quotes, meetings, estimates, contracts, I still have no official contract with a company. This has been very frustrating to say the least and it would appear the sales man in charge is not on the ball, causing me more mess in this process. AT this point, when one is planning a long distance up country move, for an entire family, clear concise planning is appreciated and quite honestly needed!

There are too many balls tossed in the air right now and it feels as if their are eggs about to crack all over my head.

So in an attempt to clean up our own messiness, words, thoughts, feelings, emotions and living space, I pray this helps with the rest of our world and interactions.

Let today be the start of clear communication, respect and integrity for all. Let's discard the mess and move forward.

Craving.....Malted Waffles!

2010-05-19T12:50:00.000-04:00

Okay, I just thought about that malted waffle and I feel like I need to get me some! It really was so delicious, maybe we will take one more trip there, before we leave to just eat that! If that is all we order, then we certainly will be able to finish it.

Other cravings... peace, calm, stress free move, ease in packing, my landlady to be super nice and return our deposits, health for my family and love for the world!

See it isn't all about food....

Malted Waffles!

2010-05-18T11:36:00.000-04:00

Last night we had dinner at one of the boys' favorite places, BIG PINK. If you haven't been and live in the South Florida area, it is worth a stop.

One of the best desserts I have had was last night. I usually am not a waffle gal, but when you make it hot, top it with chocolate ice cream, drizzle with chocolate fudge sauce, top with real whipped cream, and then add sprinkles, well what you have is heaven on a cloud!

The waffle's heat was so warming against the ice cream and then the whipped cream just started to slowly melt. The boys and I were in heaven! We kept saying after every bite... "Oh this is soooo goood! Wow is this Yummy"!

Truly we enjoyed our meal last night and the ending was pure fantasy!

Thank you BIG PINK!

Becoming and Reflecting

2010-05-14T12:29:00.001-04:00

Becoming the person we see in our head, or being the mirror reflected in our children is a tough challenge. Most of us see images flash before our eyes in terms of the kind of life we want to live. These images come from media, books, experiences, travels etc. But the trick is becoming that person in the here and now. I am still working on it, but feel as if I am getting closer each and every day.

Something should also be said about those images and how healthy they are pending their source. We all need to be comfortable without heavy expectation and influence, right?

Carrie over at Parenting Passageways had the following posted on her blog:

"THE QUESTION FOR ALL:
So here is my question for all of you to meditate on today: What are the most essential priorities in your life, and does your life reflect your essential priorities? Could your children pick out your priorities by what you are MODELING for them (not your words, your actions!) If not, what could you do to change your life and activities so it matches your values even better?"

What a terrific question to ask! Essential Priorities... With our upcoming move, we have the opportunity to carve out a new life for this little family. What an exciting time to move into the people we are and are striving to be.

Wishing us all the opportunity to be the person we essentially want to become!

Power of Choice

2010-05-13T08:44:00.000-04:00

"The past cannot be changed.
The future is yet in your power."
- Hugh White

Hmmmm Woke up yesterday realizing that it really doesn't matter about all the sticky family situations. All of that is not a concern, because fact is, I have changed. I have become more clear, calm and have the ability to gently do what is best for my little family. It is all about choices, like the quote above..

The future is in my power and it is bright and full of Life!

Back to Ohio

2010-05-11T18:05:00.000-04:00

I WENT BACK TO OHIO
BUT MY PRETTY COUNTRYSIDE
HAD BEEN PAVED DOWN THE MIDDLE
BY A GOVERNMENT THAT HAD NO PRIDE
THE FARMS OF OHIO
HAD BEEN REPLACED BY SHOPPING MALLS
AND MUZAK FILLED THE AIR
FROM SENECA TO CUYAHOGA FALLS
SAID, A, O, OH WAY TO GO OHIO - The Pretenders

Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks Cleveland Rocks, CLEEEVELAND ROCKS!

It is official, we are going back to Ohio. Wonder what we will find there? Will the city be gone, will it be paved down the middle or will it ROCK?

Well so far it seems to ROCK, as today went real smooth in preparation. This will be my 3rd time returning to "home". Maybe third time will be the charm? We hope so. It will be nice to create a nice little place for us to land and enjoy.

Here is a major move, Goddess help me make it through!

Mother Blessings

2010-05-09T11:08:00.000-04:00

Another Mother's Day is here and each one brings me closer to what a mother is. Before having children, this is a day to honor your mother. But then you become the mother, it changes and morphs into something altogether different. It has the potential to bring you closer to your mother, but it brings something out in you that you didn't know existed.

I am grateful for my little men. They have brought so much to my life and changed it for the better. Even though there are days......

But today they made my bed, willingly emptied the dishwasher and have left little heart notes around my house. I am a blessed momma and I pray these blessings continue for the rest of my life.

Gratitude

2010-05-06T09:01:00.001-04:00

The last couple of days, I have been writing in my possibilities journal. Today it just hit me that each morning when I wake, I will write my blessings and gratitude. If appropriate put my intentions and prayers in there along with dreams.

I am also trying to incorporate morning meditation/visualization. I have been part of some very intense meditation groups, but when it comes to self practice, I seem to let the ball drop. However, this week, I have found an inner strength that needs to be expressed. I am going to commit to me and what my spirit needs are.

By keeping my gratitude journal every day and centering my being each morning, I hope to create a peace that will carry me through each and every day. As much as we try to be the people we see in our mind's eye, daily hiccups happen. When we think we have dealt with family issues, they pop up again in a new form. No matter how much we strive, there will always be another lesson around the corner to learn from.

I am taking this week, to focus on my spirit and feed it. I must commit to me and my growth in order to be at peace when those hiccups happen.

This link may inspire you to delve deeper into gratitude to www.GiveMeTheMasterKey.com

This is what I am striving for, what are you working on this week???

Living Through Uncertainty

2010-05-04T20:16:00.000-04:00

Today they finally made the offer late in the afternoon. It wasn't what mystikman wanted, so he let them know what it was going to take in order for him to make this move. Now the ball is back in their court... and we wait.

It just seems that today was meant to teach some lesson in not knowing and having faith. Having faith in the face of such confusion, or murkiness is difficult. No matter how you try to be positive or at peace with living in the moment, it is hard to be at true inner peace with where you are at the moment.

I am struggling today and that is the most I can say.

Life Lessons and Letting go of Shoulds!

2010-05-02T11:40:00.000-04:00

The decision finally came late Friday night. It appears this new opportunity wants mystikman. The details of the offer will come on Monday and assuming it is what we were told on Friday, there will be little to discuss. It would appear we are moving north, to Cleveland, Ohio.

I refrain from saying we are moving back home... as I want this to be a new move, a new start. After all we are older, wiser, more experienced and changed. This move is an opportunity for our nuclear family to develop healthy relationships and continue our development as spiritual beings who are trying out best to love Mother Earth.

We have learned many important lessons about ourselves, our commitments and our goals as a family. I don't want to lose those lessons, as they have shaped us in lovely ways. We want to carve out a happy home with pure intention. We will foster those relationships that are healthy and walk away from those that are not. It isn't meant to be mean, but meant to just release the incencerity we all have it seems in our lives from the "shoulds".

I was raised with "shoulds" and took this idea with me on my journey. In graduate school, I had the wonderful opportunity to learn from a master of being it seemed. He asked us to name all of our "shoulds". What a crazy idea and we all looked at each other. But then as it developed, I started to realize just how many I was holding. I still carry them around, you could call them my "pain body" to reference Tolle. But in truth it is part of my journey to let go.

So we move forward to let go and even if we revisit a similar location, it doesn't mean it hasn't changed or improved. We have the ability to improve our lives each and every moment. This truly is an opportunity to take our life lessons and apply them, so we may learn more.

When all is said and done, I welcome this change and look forward to a newness that I take inside of me. This Island Paradise now has a place in my being and it will remind me of the many loving lessons that helped mold me into a kinder, more loving person that is valued and worth so much to the Universe!

Restlessness

2010-04-29T21:16:00.000-04:00

So, we are still waiting for a decision on this potential promotion. In the meantime, mystikman has applied for a couple of other positions and has some prescreening interviews to follow up on.

I have been a ball of anxiety, ebbs and flows. I feel the energy when I feel it and take advantage of that push. But then, it fades into the distance as soon as it comes on me and I feel stuck. It is as if I have become energetically paralyzed.

There are so many things that could fill up my time, but I am choosing to procrastinate and let the pressure build on me. Of course this isn't healthy, but it is how I am feeling these past 2 weeks. There seems to be so much swirling around I am not certain how to stop the swirling.

It seems we need to be pushed in order to produce, at least I feel this way at this moment. Tryign to push from within, is the hard part for me right now, as I just am overwhelmed with what our life is going to look like. There are so many new developments but in time they will be revealed.

RESTLESSNESS.....

Homeschool Reflections

2010-04-25T11:17:00.000-04:00

In light of the fact we don't know whether or not we are moving, I have been reflecting on this journey called homeschool. Afterall, one of the valuable lessons I have learned, has been this idea is more than schooling or teaching. This is a journey into the family you are becoming and the daily interactions of relationship.

When you choose to homeschool, you are faced with curriculum, rules and regulations as they pertain to your state, supplies, enrichment groups, park days, schedules, house management alongside school time and other logistical considerations. The parts not so easily understood or mentioned are how your relationships will be challenged or what this will say about the kind of family you are.

There are so many preparations needed in order to homeschool and with a plethora of choices, it is very hard to decide on what direction you are going to go. So when you need to find the basics, you tend to forget about the intangible things, like the family bond. I ceratinly didn't ask myself what kind of family are we? How do we interact with each other daily? What are are rules for respect and honor? How do we treat each other when things are good and when things are sour? What does our environment say about us? How does it affect us, our mood, our concentration? Do we allow for individuality or is there a conformity to be in this little family? How does our food choice build the necessary blocks for learning? How do we make choices in our purchases and errands? Does this trickle down to the children in their percecption of choice and responsiblity?

What is my responsibility as a mother, instructor and what are the boys' responsibilities? What contributions will they contribute to this family and how will they do so? Are we open enough to accept new ideas and new ways of doing routine tasks? ARe we flexible, do we want truth and real change?

Certainly all of these considerations are thought of along they way, in terms of what we envision and have mostly driven those who homeschool to the homeschool choice. But how do we actually map these questions out and answer them? These answers have been availing themselves these past 6 months. Every answer has shown itself in subtle ways.

The homeschool journey has taught this family much more than what many would imagine. I love how it has brought us closer together and made us really see each person for what and who they are. We are forced to be in each other's space daily. When we are up and when we are down, we are together and we deal with all the emotions that are present. We work through it and move forward with greater understanding.

These are lessons not learned in classrooms, because you are not given enough time to really process or dig deep. When you are at work and your child is sitting in a classroom, this connection is not present.

As mystikman is not able to leave his job and be with us, he misses out on this aspect. But I think he is just so proud to be the one who provides for his family to have this growth opportunity.

This is not to say this journey is not met with opposition. It is, from many different sources, external and internal. This is a path few choose. We all have to make the choices that best suit our needs and for some it isn't this path. That is okay. You will discover your learning journey to be something different and what you needed.

I just never anticipated my journey to lead me here to be forced to deal with things in this manner and depth I didn't know existed. This is the reflection today, tomorrow it will change, as this is another aspect I have learned. No day is the same, no lesson repeated.

Waiting

2010-04-21T20:34:00.000-04:00

We are waiting for a decision that will change the course of our lives and I am running out of patience! Mystikman has applied for a promotion in Ohio. The decision is to be made this week. As this move posed many feelings and decision about whether or not it was the right choice, we both have come to welcome the opportunity.

It has taken us many dialogues to get to this point, but we are ready for the move, the change and the new way of life. Well maybe a return to some of the old way, but we really aren't looking at it in those terms. All changes are opportunities of growth, even if that means returning to a place in our past.

We would return to Ohio, yes. But we would be starting a new path. A new home, a new job, a new location, new network of homeschoolers, new appreciation for the 4 seasons, and new goals. Some of these goals, include a second car, saving money, taking mini trips to Niagara Falls, the family cabin, New York, Columbus, Cedar Point etc. We want to just live and experience all aspects so we feel like we took full advantage of our resources.

My extended family is mostly in the area, but it doesn't necessetate an obligation to mingle. In fact, there really is no need to treat them or for them to treat me any differently than what we do right now. Which is about nothing, just to be clear. I don't want to sound calus, but when you don't share much in common beyond a familiar bloodline is there really a need to mingle? Better put, is there a need to expose my children to lifestyle choices that are in direct opposition to our values? Should we encourage a family bond with people that continually make choices that are not ideal, all the while inferring that these choices are okay, because we hang out and act as if everything is hunky dory, in the name of family?

I am not one to do just because... afterall I have broken many family cycles of bad behaviour and harmful actions. I choose to live according to my ideals. This allows me to go to sleep at night with a clear conciouse. This is necessary for inner peace.

Living on this Island Paradise has helped me define what it is our family stands for, our nuclear family that is. We have grown tremendously and learned so many important lessons about our strength. I am not willing and mystikman is not willing to let any of that go in the name of a bloodline. No we choose our lives and we choose our circumstances. We are choosing healthy relationships and choices. We are choosing for the best possible outcome.

Until the phone call comes... we wait.

Advanced Palettes!

2010-04-18T11:14:00.000-04:00

Okay the amazing journey continues into the realm of what my boys eat. I have come across many a parent that claims their child is not a picky eater. But does that child eat, oysters, sushi rolls, edamame, artichokes, asparagus, smoked salmon, kale, seaweed salad or how about chicken feet?

In the past 2 days, all of these items were gobbled up by my youngest and my oldest ate it all but the chicken feet. I don't blame him, it was a little out there for me too!

You know, my children eat a wider variety of foods than when I was a child or mystikman for that matter. We have always made the same food for them as we did for us and even though they may not have wanted to try something new, they were always told at least one bite. Also we have them repeat the try another time, just in case their tastebuds have changed.

I can say confidently, my children are great eaters and they are not picky of finicky. I can send them out in the world and it doesn't matter where they land, they will eat. As parents whose lives revolve around food, we are both very proud to have allowed for this amazing outcome.

We wish you all better dinners with your children!

Oysters!

2010-04-16T11:38:00.000-04:00

V likes them! HA! A 5 year old boy likes the taste of a smoked oyster in a can, unbelievable. Mystikman and I are raising great eaters with expanded pallets for sure!

When Nonna and Papa were here, L tried the raw oysters, to find they weren't so great. But just to be sure, he tried them again with the cocktail sauce and lemon on it. This time we decided they were okay, but he didn't want anymore.

Today L declared the raw was better than the smoked ones in the can. I happen to agree, the raw ones if super fresh, are terrific!

What are you eating today?

Spending Time with Nonna and Papa

2010-04-11T18:54:00.000-04:00

Nonna and Papa are in town visiting. This would be my parents, we call my mom, nonna, for the Italian Grandma and my dad, papa for an abbreviated Hungarian Grandpa.

They were able to spend Easter with us, which made L, so happy! We went to church, ate a wonderful Brunch, rested, and then had an evening meal with some friends. The following day was at the beach, and we had our Easter Egg Hunt. Papa looks a little stripped as he put sunscreen in certain parts and not others... obviously!

Tuesday we went to Deering Estate for our weekly science class. The boys created their own ancient civilizations and then we went exploring for an airboat alligator ride. We found one and really enjoyed ourselves! I highly recommend taking an airboat at least once in your life.

Wednesday all three boys took a fishing trip off of Islamorada. Nonna and I declined, we are not into fishing for 4 hours out in the ocean. The boys were very excited as they left the dock. Upon returning, well their faces told a different story. It seems half of the boat caught the Pukka Fish... and lost their breakfasts overboard! Not all was lost, 9 real fish were caught. I think the lure of fishing has lost some of its attraction.

Thursday we were on the beach again, trying to even out this striped sunburned skin! Then we ate our lovely 9 fish in the evening.

Friday was putt putt. We drove out to find a cute little art fair, walked about, played some putt putt and then found dinner at the Crab House. Lovely views, food kinda 80's style, could have been better meal. At least for the money it should have been out of this world!

Saturday we went for a nice stroll, Dim Sum for lunch and then to the Youth Fair. The boys entered their hand sewing projects in the fair, so we went to see how well they did. I was told by a parent that most of the entries never place, but you receive free tickets so it is worth the effort. Upon entering the section, I saw puffed up on the table, L's stuffed bunny. My heart leaped for joy, because it meant he placed. Not only did he place, but he received a Blue Ribbon, 1st Place! Then I scanned the other table to find V's little sewing/needle book. He also placed 1st for his category. What a proud parent moment and they were beaming from ear to ear as they stood for their picture.

We played Elvisopoly in the evening and for all the years I have played with my father, I have never won, at least I don't recall, maybe once? Well leave it to my boys to do the deed for me! L won and cleaned Papa out! V came in second, me third and Papa dead last! What a coo!

Sunday, well today we went to church, then took a lazy day to just sit around and do really nothing. After our full week, it was nice to just be still. Plus the weather was not so Beachy! Tomorrow we will see how the sun peaks out and if we can catch some warm rays!

The boys have completely warmed up to Nonna and Papa and I think will be sad when they leave. We haven't seen them since last August, so this visit was long overdue!

Hope your week was enjoyable and memorable!

EASTER!

2010-04-04T15:23:00.000-04:00

Alleluia! Today is a glorious day! The sun is shining, our bellies are full from Easter Brunch and the boys are in heaven with their Nonna and Papa here. The house smells of Sauce for the Ravioli and Ricotta Cheesecake.

All in all, we are working through our focus, discipline issues and I am grateful for all of the advice given. Mystikman and I are working through this. L is just a very passionate little guy, with a clear vision of what he is about. I cherish this for the long run, but find it frustrating in the short term. We are taking this one day at a time and hope for great days every morning we wake.

With Easter upon us, let's say rebirth, renewal, love and life going forward! May we all find the newness we need with this wonderfully fresh new season!

When they disobey again and again..

2010-04-02T19:27:00.001-04:00

My oldest, L, has been making the wrong choices all day. When he is supposed to focus on one task, a task he has been performing for over a year, he is distracted, not once, but several times. When I take away a toy, requiring him to earn it back, he still finds a way to not listen, and becomes distracted again and again.

He has this tendency to push all of my buttons, truly all of them. Both of them are not allowed to play with mystikman's ipod or his phone. Again and again we tell them there will be consequences to playing with these items.

A day that L has been on my very last nerve, instead of practicing his piano, he was hiding, playing his father's phone. I am beyond what to do. We take away privileges, we take away toys, we threaten to take more away, I ask him what is he going to do in order to make it up... NOTHING WORKS!

I am so disappointed in him and me. I am beyond anger at this point. I don't understand why he continues to make bad choices, time and time again. I mean really, what is it?

When I was little I never wanted to be punished, as it meant the wooden paddle. That was enough of a deterrent for me. Not spanking in this house is such a challenge and I admit I slip now and then. But I don't get it. I don't understand why he continues to do things he knows will get him in trouble.

Today I took away a toy, had him figure out what he will do for me, took away another privilege of having a friend over, then took away the privilege to set up for Easter. Just now I put some of his lesser toys in the garbage and growled my neck into soreness. I am fed up with his choices, really fed up. I ask kindly, I show him, I remind him to be focused... keep his nose in his own business and focus. I am just so fed up.

Any suggestions out there?

Last Supper the Start of the 3 Days

2010-04-01T23:05:00.000-04:00

Tonight I watched The Passion. Every Lent, I try to do something that reminds me of the Passion of Christ. Whether it be listening to a favorite childhood play, walking The Stations of the Cross or watching a movie of Christ's Passion, I want to put my brain, heart and spirit in the moment.

Watching this movie, I see different aspects, feel certain emotions and realize new truths. I watched Easa being scourged and witnessed beating. Why are humans so apt to beat, hit, strike? Why is it that we have this inside of us, under the surface? Why is this the way in which we get out our anger, frustration or expression? Why do we choose another human to receive such action?

This made an impression on me and I pray that I am forgiven for all that I have done to those around me that weren't honorable. I need to have Easa's Love in my life and his sacrafice is needed to cleanse my spirit. I know this. We all need to find our way, Easa is my way, the truth and the life.

The start of the 3 days.... May this Easter Resurrection be a cleansing for us all, start anew, start with Love, Compassion, Honesty and Respect.

Hello Sweetie!

2010-03-21T10:47:00.000-04:00

My youngest V, was playing the other day with his Lincoln Logs. He has a set with some ranch people and horses. I was on the computer maybe even posting here, or catching up on my Reader Page. But I overheard him say, "Hello Sweetie, what do you want for breakfast? Okay I will go make pancakes, sweetie".

I stopped and smiled at his little imitation of what families do and how they interact with each other. This must be how he thinks we are as a family, because it came out effortlessly.

This week has been a major test of my desire to not yell and get enraged when the boys are not listening and goofing off. So to hear my little guy being so "sweet" in his play, it made me think that things aren't as bad as I hear them in my head. He is happy and very compassionate.

We are doing okay and raising boys that are able to express their emotions and feelings. This is important to actualize as a human being. We're doing good mystikman... we're doing good.

18

2010-03-20T19:29:00.000-04:00

THE NUMBER OF POUNDS I LOST SINCE FEBRUARY 4TH!

February 4th was the day the nasty, mean, condescending, awful devil doctor told me he removed cancerous cells from my husband and then hung up on me when I asked what we could do to support his healthy naturally as well.

That day, food was my enemy, along with said doctor. I was so upset that food ruined my husband and afflicted him. Everyone I saw that was obvioulsy in poor health, I wondered what their colons looked like... mystikman is thin, looks healthy and usually so easy going. You never know what lies underneath our exteriors.

I started this battle with food, I would eat. Then I would have something to just satisfy some nutritional content for the day. We started to eat all raw veggies, whole items, and the little processed foods that I did have in the house were not replenished.

Then, I just had it, and I started to cleanse. I usually cleanse twice a year, but it has been a year since my last cleanse, which wasn't so successful. Prior to the Feb. 4th, I was at my heaviest without a baby in my belly. I didn't really see how I looked, but I felt it. I felt squishy and just too much, bloated and icky.

This morning I put on clothes I haven't been able to snap, zip or close up in 3 years! I am smaller now then when I moved down here! It feels terrific and with this new focus on food, I feel more confident that I will be able to maintain my weight.

We are eliminating sugar, flour, juices, most red meats and most processed foods. I will be making my own yogurt, flour, and hopefully milk with almonds or hemp. We are doing more veggies and soft grains. If we all eat like this, then we should be able to maximize our nutritional content and minimize the weight of empty calories that just hang on making you feel gross and squishy!

Now to get my body stronger... I need to exercise.... that will be another challenge, another day.

Possibilities

2010-03-11T21:03:00.000-05:00

When you go home, what rules apply?

This weekend, mystikman applied to a job in Cleveland, Ohio. 2 years ago, we moved from Ohio to Florida. As mystikman hates the snow, one cannot ride a motorcycle in the snow, I was surprised to see his excitement over this opportunity. Equally surprising was my own attitude of discomfort. I grew up south of Cleveland, went to college East of Cleveland and lived with mystikman in a close Cleveland Suburb. I know this town and most of my family is still around the city.

When we moved here, I came with little regrets. I moved with mystikman willingly and actually looked forward to the break. It was an opportunity for us to develop our family in the way we wanted to without any family commitments. It was freedom to be who we are.

Living on our Island Paradise, has posed some frustration from time to time, but we have carved out our life nicely here. I knew this move was temporary and in a couple of years we would be making plans for the next adventure. I guess I always thought the next adventure would be somewhere new, not a place I had been many times before.

I am enjoying this freedom from family commitments. No matter what happens, in the next couple of months, I must remain true to my ideals. Even if I am only 30 mins, away, it doesn't mean I must engage just because. I will make my own decisions and allow family time when it is something I choose to do. I think this will work best for me and how we want to live our lives.

Letting Go

2010-03-08T11:30:00.000-05:00

How does one let go of things we hold onto for long periods of time? Here is a list of things my family is letting go of this week....

Weight, Toxins - happy to report via stress and a proper cleanse, I am letting go of 14 pounds! YEAH, I have been carrying around this weight ever since a miscarriage fall of 2007. It could have been hormones, disappointment, circumstances, the move to Florida or just plain laziness, but I kicked into gear and let it go. I feel and look great, even though I would love to be firmer and a bit more tone, I will take this achievement gladly!

Preconceived Notions - we all have them, hopes, dreams, desires, etc. I find mystikman reconsidering a move back to Ohio. Not that there is any movement on the job front, but a simple application submitted, but the fact that he willingly accepted the idea and let go of his never again attitude.

Control - yes we all have to learn to give this up don't we? Control is a tricky thing to find balance with. We need to control our inner self, but we need to let go of controlling tendencies that hinder our growth. We are learning to let go of the Career Paths, Health Issues, Parenting Dilemmas and just letting things unfold as they must. After all, we are here to be on a journey and the journey is the life we live.

Anger, Past Debts - today or certainly this week, my grandparents will receive a letter of forgiveness from me. I have never said it out loud, but finally I have come to the place where I can say "I forgive you". Yes I forgive them all their actions that caused me pain, frustration, anger, defensive tendencies and difficulty. They were not the perpetrators of my childhood sexual abuse, but they did create an environment of deceit, lies and turmoil. They challenged my parents, broke me down, made me feel not wanted or good enough or not worthy as my cousin. A child should never have to explain their religion at the age of 6 or have to hear "You are lucky, God didn't kill you, but killed your sister for your parents marriage", at the age of 4. The horrors I witnessed at their hands, in so many ways, eclipsed the abuse I suffered from their daughters. Manipulation, control, religious bribery it is all abuse when it is put upon a child. Yes I forgive them, wish them well and hope they have the strength to lead them to their creator. I have moved on and let it go.

Loved Ones - mystikman's uncle is on his death bed, literally. The last year he was battling lung cancer. Unfortunately his constitution is not one of survival or fight. It seems the cancer was too powerful and he allowed it to overtake him. I am certain this was an agreement he made prior to his birth. Karmicly, it is all fitting, but sad to witness. The family that is left to support this withering man is fragmented, shaken, battered and bruised. I witness the tears from mystikman and my heart saddens. Then I hear the prayers my boys offer to the Creator and my heart is warmed. The hugs are given when L cries for his uncle. I know death, I know it well. It brings a challenge to the living. It challenges us to find the courage to continue, the strength to smile and the drive to make new memories. We are learning to let go of loved ones, so they may find the peace they need.

This is a true life lesson and one I am so glad my boys are learning in this manner. I learned this with my sister and I have to tell you, it still hurts to remember the events surrounding her death. I recall years later still wanting her around. I was 4. I was young and it was painful to see my baby sister so still why all the adults wept. My own mother was wrapped into her grief when my sister passed, understandably so. My memories of that time, were feeling lonely and I withdrew. I tried to see her every night in my dreams and that is what held me.

The saving grace for my boys is they spent a lovely summer in 2008 with their uncle and made memories. They brought joy to his life and he was thrilled to meet them and know their precious personalities. My boys will not attend the funeral, as we will not be able to make the trip to New York. I count that as another blessing, as they can grieve on their own and not have all the visions of others' grief. It will be organic and theirs. I am here to hold them and comfort them and I am honored to carry them through this life lesson gently with love and understanding.

Then there is mystikman and his grief. I don't know what to expect, so I leave it open to him. I am here for him certainly. I am always here for him.

Letting go can be difficult, necessary and liberating! We all should let go more as it allows the spirit to flow in easily.

Cleansing...

2010-02-28T12:22:00.000-05:00

Woke up and decided to cleanse! I follow a simple 3 step cleanse, ideally 2 times a year.

First step eat only fruits and veggies.
Second step add grains, nuts and seeds.
Third step add lean proteins.

Choose a time length not to exceed 21 day and divide evenly among the 3 steps, example 5 days, 5 days, 5 days or 3, 3, 3 or 7, 7, 7. No alcohol, sugar, dairy, caffeine or red meats. With every meal, drink hot green tea, take acidophilus, and psyllium fiber. With each tea, put 15 drops of Dandelion Root Extract in.

You are cleansing the liver, digestive track and helping to ease digestion for a time. Additionally, to make a bigger impact, it is always a good idea to cleanse other areas of your life.

I have printed off a letter to my grandparents. They are part of my childhood abuse and path to healing. This letter is my way of saying I forgive you. It is addressed and stamped for delivery. After years of trying to ignore it... I finally found the words to say I forgive you.

I also cleaned up my desk area, not as powerful as finally sending a letter of forgiveness though. But cleansing none the less.

How will you cleanse and make ready for the coming of spring, rebirth, newness and spiritual awakening???

The List of Gratitude

2010-02-25T19:33:00.000-05:00

There has been so much going on these past couple of weeks, to really go into depth. So the "list it will be.

Thankful for:

Like Minded Mommies - that support me, let me talk, share ideas with, gasp in awe, help redirect my children, share their yummy food and lives with!

Mommies and children that I like to be around - Ever have a friend that you like but have a hard time with the child? Or how about the child you child loves to play with but the mom who just isn't your type? Well when you find both, that is magic, really magic, hang onto that!

Whole Foods - not the store, the real whole food concept where you take a food in its perfect natural state and get nutrients from.

Internet - information to learn so much new stuff out there I have crammed into my head!

Not working outside of the home - If I was in a job, outside of the home, I would be going crazy, trying to keep up. I love my husband for wanting me to stay home, raise our children and take care of our lives. He really wants me to be here, no someone else. That is a special guy!

Kindness - calling around for a new doctor and finding such kindness on the other end of the phone. They care... not like first doctor....

Deering Estate - sorry for those who don't know about it, but it is a nature center that we attend an enrichment class at. We are all students that learn so much and our teacher is a peach to use a Georgian term! This is the best thing for our children to run, play, learn, create and just be together.

Acupuncture - this is an amazing therapy. Try it if you haven't, it might agree with you, like it has for mystikman and me. Our practitioner is the BEST, I mean the BESTEST in the world! We are so lucky and grateful for her kindness, attention and skill.

Mystikman - I love him so much. He is pushing on day to day with a great attitude and will power to heal himself. He is driven to live a healthy long life. He is my anchor and I truly am a lucky woman.

My 2 boys - who challenge me to be the best person I can be, even when I have a tantrum. They push me to learn all I am able so they may benefit.

You know I always knew I could handle anything, I never knew that I would be challenged though to test that theory. I push on, keeping this little family together and making certain we are all nourished from the inside out. We are a whole family trying to live a whole life!

In Awe

2010-02-17T15:15:00.000-05:00

Warmth!

The warmth of my bed in the morning, realizing my body warmed those sheets and blankets. Warmth from a great big pot of brocoli soup that will nourish my family from within. My littlest guys warmth after laying beside him on the couch and feeling his body warm my arm.
Warmth from a friend far way who was just checking in on me to see how I was doing after all the health news and stresses.

Warmth knowing, today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of a 40 day internal journey. I will go within to strengthen my inner connection to the Creator and all its mystery.

Warmth, something so simple, but we warm those around us in small and big ways. I love how the word sounds spoken aloud...
W A R M T H.

Image by Ursula Stone - perfect colors to engage a mood, go and check her out!

LOVING right now

2010-02-14T10:22:00.001-05:00

Mystikman's voice
L's smile
V's warmth
cool weather
organic food
great friends
supportive family
the word mommy
when my husband calls me babycakes
sleeping in a warm cozy bed

Happy Valentine's Day

Update on Health

2010-02-13T17:14:00.000-05:00

A week ago today, mystikman went for a colonoscopy. The 3 weeks prior, he had some serious digestive issues resulting in a bunch of nothing, meaning nothing coming out. So we were all very worried about where the food was going and what it was doing to his body.

The doctor found some polyps, removed them, took biopsies and discovered a Hiatal Hernia. The colon was completely inflamed and not normal looking in the least. There was cancer found on one polyp, abnormal cells found on the others. All of this was told to me via a phone call the next day from a doctor that has ZERO compassion for the news he was to deliver a scary wife and mother of 2 young boys. When I asked a question about natural foods, diet and other holstic things we could do to help, the doctor told me "No, I don't do that, go get another doctor", and hung up on me.

The tears flew out of me as I couldn't believe the scariest thing to hear was delivered by the man who I was supposed to trust in helping my husband get better.

Since that phone call....

Much dialogue regarding feelings, thoughts and options with other friends, family and resources. Books, internet sites read voraciously, emails sent in from friends that know of others who have either Crohns, Colitis, IBS etc all read intently. Spoke with a Nutritionist friend and Yogi, Acupuncturist and Chinese Doctor. Called around to find other doctors on our insurance plan for second and third opinions. Reiki given almost every night for at least 30 minutes at a time. Dark green leafy vegtable smoothie diet followed by mystikman too. More tears off and on...

Boys know that daddy has boo boos inside his body and that we need to seek out doctors to help him get better. They know that food if used incorrectly will make the body not work the way it should. They have dealt with the change to almond milk, no ham, more homecooked lunches actually like troopers. They know that they have to learn to take care of their body and support daddy in taking care of his body.

We still are waiting on some test results to figure out what he has, beyond the abnormal cell growth. There will be follow up colonoscopies and maybe even a CAT scan to check all other organs.

Today, feeling okay. This was caught early and we have an AMAZING support team around us. We have energy workers and our Acupuncturist has been a GodSend! The Chinese Doctor gave us the most encouraging news and a path to healing that we both felt was appropriate. So there is renewed hope that this is all just one big wake up call to change our diets, habits and focus.

As I know more, I will post, but for now, we are trying to make diet changes, and celebrating the little milestones when mystikman has a poop, no matter how small. It means something is starting to work.

I am grateful to all those who have shown support, given prayers and positive healing energy in mystikman's name. Without this support system, I am not certain where we would be.

Power of Our Thoughts, Prayers and Words....

2010-02-05T18:40:00.001-05:00

Today I received some jarring news about mystikman's health. As the final outcome is manageable and in my opinion curable... I wonder if this was an answer to my prayers/thoughts etc.

I have wanted a more spiritual focus in our family and more participation from mystikman when it came to our family life. I wanted a yoga partner, knowing the yoga is equally as good for his lower back as it would be for mine. I wanted more whole foods and menu creation for our family, knowing it was again as equally good for him with his digestive issues as it would be for the boys and me.

Well the preliminary results of his tests show that he will have to make changes if he wants to live a long healthy life. Otherwise those abnormal cells will start to grow again. Mystikman is committed now to making serious changes and he is starting to listen to me in what I have been wanting for a while.

Could it be this was an answer to my prayers? Of course prayers are answered on their terms. So the way in which a prayer is answered may not be an easy answer and today was not an easy day. But as I reflect and ponder the power of our words and prayers, it dawned on me... maybe I shouldn't ask for anything while in prayer. If I don't ask, maybe I will not be given a hard answer? Truly, my prayers will be focused on the blessings we have in our family and lives. We are healthy in mind and spirit and we will gain our health in our bodies shortly! We are financially able to meet our obligations and I really don't need more than I need. Mystikman has a great job, were he is cared for and respected, he is happy with this company and that is key. The boys are thrilled to be homeschooled and love their enrichment activities with all of their friends. I love the fact that I get along and learn from these mommies as we are like minded! We are together and have tons of love in this home even if I get frustrated from the yelling... and lack of listening...

We are blessed and I am grateful and thankful. Yes this is what my prayers will be from now on, just in case the Universe has another answer for me that isn't easy peasy!

Honoring the Full Moon

2010-01-31T09:57:00.000-05:00

I have made a commitment for 2010, to honor the full moon. II want to live more in a rhythmic pattern of cycles. For so long, I have been a planner and I would live my life from completed project/event to the next one. The timing of events was always sporadic and never consistent.

We hear/read so much about seasonal foods, living day to day, celebrations, festivals and such. But we plan for the 3-5 year strategy to get us ahead of the game. (Anyone remember being locked in a room for a weekend developing the Strategic Plan)? If this is how we are planning, how does it allow for the day to day or week to week? We are only celebrating the highlights of the Milestones we hit on our Project Plan.

Living seasonally, has always appealed to me, because it let the body know what to expect for the following 3 months. Growing up in Ohio, we had the perfect 3 month seasonal calendar that following all the learning books when it came time to explain the 4 seasons. We always played hard in the summer, sweating and eating ice cream. Then the fall came and put on our turtlenecks, socks and flannel shirts to romp in the leaf houses or huge leaf piles. Winter came with great anticipation of the first snow fall, the house filled with cookie baking and the Christmas Carols as we decorated our tree. Spring came in the nick of time, as we craved warmth, new birth and Easter was the perfect celebration of everything pastel, new and fresh!

I have since moved away from the idyllic seasonal calendar and now I live in eternal summer it seems. I loved summer as a child, because it meant ice cream and my birthday. But now I find myself craving all of the other seasons more, because my body is going without.

What is a girl to do???

Well to start I am going to embrace living week to week and finding celebrations to ground us in every month. Through Wicca and Waldorf, (sorry if this upsets people to use in the same sentence, but if you were to be offended, you would have left my blog a long time ago), I found a common theme. Festivals and earth ceremonies seem to happen at least once a month. If we focus as a family to celebrate at least once a month, it will fully ground us in the present month. No more 3-5 year plans, but monthly celebrations and weekly planning for us.

Honoring the Full Moon allows us the opportunity at least once a month and each Full Moon has a special name and focus for the year. I like this as it seems natural, rhythmic and something the entire family can do.

On Dec. 31st, we gathered on the beach after a lovely warming eclectic meal with friends. We sat in a circle and annointed one another as we thanked the Blue Moon for her graces and then made statements of what we wanted to improve.

Last night, as it was just L, V and me, we marched down to the beach, said a very simple 4 line prayer, held hands in a circle and thanked the moon and asked for protection. It was the biggest and brightest full moon we will see this year and it is called the Wolf Moon.

Even if our celebration was small, it allowed us to pause for a moment to honor something outside of ourselves. We acknowledged the existance of a greater power and connected to it, to better understand the Universe. (Yes, I agree religion is also meant to do accomplish this, but for our family, we want more connection to our natural environment as well).

Maybe we all could pause more throughout the year and celebrate the rhythmic patterns around us to heighten our awareness of the beautiful life we have been given. A gift has been given to us all, how are you using it?

Weekly Rhythms

2010-01-24T09:42:00.000-05:00

Read a great post this beautiful morning. The mommy mentions the parenting focus for the week and that got me thinking....

I like to plan, it is my natural rhythm. Maybe this penchant for planning was due in part to being any only child for 6 years and having to make my own play. I really loved this about my childhood; I would plan elaborate housing scenes and play all day long. It was terrific! Remember making tents in the house with every spare blanket and then some in the house? I was the queen of this, truly.

In any event, planning comes naturally to me and in my 20's it got the better of me, as the expectations set sooo high, were unattainable. Then there was this big push to live in the moment day to day. I tried very hard, but had such a hard time doing that. I felt unable to live by this simple statement of day to day. What was wrong with me that I couldn't do that???

So with these past few months, I have focused on finding the rhythm of our family. It occurred to me after reading this post, that my natural rhythm is to plan. However, I like what was said here in terms of a parenting focus for the week. BINGO! That was the magic word, week. I think that letting go of grand plans that may or may not materialize is good, but having smaller attainable plans/goals is good, at least for me. I am going to apply my natural skill at planning for weekly time chunks. I think it is truly the way to go for me and it allows me to do what I do well, but not take it so seriously.

Reunions

2010-01-22T20:55:00.000-05:00

My mother called me last week to inform me that my highschool class is organizing the big 20th reunion. I am on the short list of those classmates they can't find. HA! Then my only contact from highschool also emailed me to say I was one of the "lost" names on their list.

You know for being "lost", I feel very much found! My thoughts are I am doing what I need to do for my life and I am very full in terms of living my life the way it needs to be lived. If I wanted to remain close, I would have done so. I certainly don't need a reunion to remind me of people that I missed and wanted to be friends with again.

Maybe some would think I am a bit down on reunions, but truly, I am a person who lives my life with no regrets. When I make friends I make friends. I am loyal to my friends as they are loyal to me. When it is time to part it is time to part and new people come across our path. Such is life, the entire cycle of renewal. I accept this and move on each day.

These are my thoughts on reunions and truly we should never let our relationships lapse in need of a reunion. If the relationship is important, then it is important and it will be maintened through many years, regardless of life experiences and choices.

I may have graduated a Cloverleaf Colt, but that was a small time in my life which doesn't define me. My life is very much full of so many experiences before and since highschool graduation.

Power of Prayer

2010-01-15T18:11:00.000-05:00

I have read several blogs regarding their efforts to raise money, awareness and support for Haiti. If you are like me and live on a very tight budget with little to give, then I encourage you to pray. This costs nothing but your time and intention. The prayer can be simple or involved. The power of prayer is amazing and has been proven to do so much good.

I encourage you to find a prayer to reach out to Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Recognizing the God/Goddess can bring about amazing miracles if we allow it.

Family Bed

2010-01-13T10:46:00.000-05:00

In reading a post by Soule Mama, I started to think about the family bed. Even though, I did not cosleep with my babies, I do believe we have a family bed.

Every morning the boys wake up and walk directly into our room. When mystikman is home, they climb in and nestle between us. There is plenty of hugging, snuggling, kissing, laughter and loving. These moments are magical and we can spend hours there, just wrapping up the night and starting our day.

I love our cozy family bed those mornings. The bed is warmed by our warmth, the morning light streams in and the sleepyness still has us all in a gentle state of waking.

Mercury In Retrograde

2010-01-11T20:18:00.000-05:00

I have so many things I wanted to start being the new year and all... however, as my mind has created all of these lovely things, the body has not. I really wanted to rid the house of Winter Decor after the Epiphany, but the timing got in the way.

Then there is the Vision Board for the family and we have not had the right time to sit and do the cutting and pasting together. It seems our day to day happenings have prohibited us to do what we had planned to do.

No fear, I will make it through, just a little slower than I had thought. Mercury does this, it makes us rethink and put things on hold for a while....

Not all bad, just a little disjointed when you are trying to figure out why the movement is so ssssslllllooooooowwwwwww!

The planet goes direct on Jan 15th... we should all feel a nice jolt to our plans, as if the power just got a boost and things are running smoothly again.

New Year, 2010

2010-01-01T19:44:00.000-05:00

Today is the start of a new year, new decade and new cycle of growth. Last night, my family joined another family under the Blue Moon to celebrate all that was and all tha will be. We asked for the Moon Goddess to help us on our journey so we may embrace the abundance in the coming year.

I was never one for resolutions, but instead goals that are put out there as reminders of who I am. So here is to 2010!

May there be abundance, love, peace, mindfulness, magik, spirit, tenderness, and creativity. Simple but pure in thought and intention.

Quick Note

2009-12-28T19:11:00.000-05:00

So, here it is, holiday preparations, gifting, meal making, magic, unwrapping is all over and I have nothing posted to share!

I have pictures to load, just haven't gotten around to it yet. Suffice to say, all of our holiday plans were very nice, managable and memorable. The meals were yummy, enjoyed by all, the cookies were just enough to push the specialness over the top, the presents were appreciated, wanted and enjoyed, the family time was plentiful and the laughter abundant. I should also add here the tears of joy were flowing from me.

I became a sobbing mess as I watched my 3 boys playing trains on the floor together. It was a scene I didn't want to end. But I know all things do change and that moment would pass. There are many more joys ahead of me and I pray every night they are joys and not disappointments. There are enough of those around if you go looking.

It is pleasning to still hear the Christmas Music on the radio and music on demand. I am enjoying each song, each wintry holiday scene.

Until I can get it together, the photos will have to wait!

Winter Traditions

2009-12-19T21:29:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow kicks off our Christmas Eve celebration with Christmas Day to follow on Monday. Due to mystikman's job, we try to find when he has a 2 day break to celebrate our tradition. At least this way the children are able to have a full holiday, even if it isn't on the actual day or days.

This year I am taking the Italian Christmas Feast to the in-laws. Imagine a full blown Feast of the 7 Fishes, Catholic Celebration in a home full of Jews! I love it and find comfort in the way each of us embrace each others traditions. The fun doesn't stop there. Monday the entire gang will come to our home for the Christmas Ravioli meal.

Now here is the wonderful twist... Christmas Eve, the real one... we will be at the in-laws again, celebrating.... Hanukkah of all things! Latkes and Brisket with Jelly Donuts! Mystikman will be at work, but the boys and I will enjoy the Jewish Miracle of Lights. Christmas Day will be with Turkey and the trimmings. I will be making my Pumpkin Cheesecake, as I haven't made it all year and really want to have that flavor at least once a year in my mouth!

So a nice little twist on two different religious celebrations. This is how we do it in this family and I am blessed to have the full support of both sides. Growing up, I knew my father's family was different from my mother's. It was hard as the one didn't appreciate the other. For me, it was imperative the children know both of their cultural heritages and appreciate them equally. So far we have done fairly well and I am proud of the traditions we have created and upheld

May each of you be blessed with tradition, magik and love. Merry Merry, Happy Happy and Blessings to all, for the light is coming!

Getting in Gear!

2009-12-12T18:30:00.000-05:00

The past month or so, I have been going through some major changes in terms of energy and expectations. Maybe even outlooks and goals could be added to what has been progressing.

Since the "flood", internal changes have come about and I was reminded to stay true to my inner heart's desire. I know what is good for me and I know what goes against my grain, so to speak.

Things that have been under construction of late are living conditions, relationships, schooling, parenting, and physical maintenance. I realize that today, I am unable to change the location of where we live, but I also recognize that this living arrangement is temporary and I shouldn' become complacent. A while back I found myself thinking this could work. We could just set up shop here in South Florida and be done with it. But this isn't where we are supposed to be long term. For now, it works and we are blessed in so many ways to have made this move. But this isn't the final stop for us. There will be many other stops along the way and we as a family need to be open to that.

Relationships have been building, reshaping and in question. This I think is true for us all at certain times in our lives. I personally, have been challenged with certain people and in the end, the lesson was for me to learn. It isn't the other person's actions that I am happy or unhappy with, it is with my action that I need to examine. Afterall, I am the one that engages back and is ultimately responsible for my actions. I learned that I need to just be true to myself. No matter what the degree of the relationship, long term, short, family or friend. A good many lessons were learned and I appreciate the growth from each of these opportunities.

Schooling has been challenging as well. L and I have been at each other's throats and it is so defeating to feel this helpless. I want to give him the best I am able. I know what my options are around me and homeschooling is the best, if I am at my best. Truth is, I have not been at my best and again, it isn't about L, it really is about me. I have to rethink what school or the goal of schooling is. I need to rethink my role as educator. I need to rethink what homeschool can be for my family. I am grateful to some dear friends for sharing their experiences and letting me know I am not alone in this struggle. There are times where we question, doubt and feel helpless to provide our child's need. But the one thing I have above all else, is that I am L's mom. I do know him better than anyone. (Gosh that brings tears to my eyes...) Yes I know him. He is a wonderfully bright child with so much love and light in his heart. I need to allow his inner sense to shine through and become what he was meant to become. He choose me to be his mother for a reason and in accepting this gift is what I need to remind me of.

Parenting goes hand in hand with the above topic. In light of being the educator, I am the parent. Learning where to draw those lines or blend those lines is my current challenge. I am grateful again to inspiration I find around me. SoulMama is a wonderful place that inspires me daily. I enjoy reading from her and other great women spirits that find their rhythems at home with their children.

Physical maintence... yes exercise, feeling fit and loving my body. Body image was soemthign I was aware of, but didn't really focus on because for the most part I didn't have to. I still don't in many ways need to feel out of place for how I look. But I know I can do better to honor this gift of human form. I know what to do and how to do it, I just need to start. I have started here and there, but also I have taken another approach to acceptance. I do love who I am and what I am. This is critical to the physical nature in each of us.

Life is in progress and I am getting in gear, because I feel the new cycle coming soon. Internally, my body yearns for 2010 in a strange way. I feel greatness around the corner and there are preparations in need of making. Not all life is about being present, even though we need to acknowledge the moment. But we are in our journeys, and making plans along the way are also important. So preparations are being made for 2010. As well as reflections on 2009.

Blessings BE!

Saint Nicholas Day

2009-12-06T12:48:00.000-05:00

Today is the day my grandfather was born many years ago. He was named after St. Nicholas as that was his middle name. Kind of neat for our family to share a special bond with Santa Claus.

Saint Nicholas has paid a visit to our home now for some time. Each year we put out our shoes or boots and hope for something sweet, just a little treat as he passes by.

This year the boys had a very hard time sleeping. They were awake well past 10 pm. Mystikman and I discussed what it would mean if St. Nicholas didn't give them anything, but a letter instead.

This is just what he did! Each boy received a letter reminding them to make good decisions. He also went on to say he has been watching them all year and has been disappointed in their actions, such as not listening, not being kind, not being honest and not picking up after themselves. If they didn't straighten up, Santa Claus would not make a stop on Christmas Eve.

Each boy took it hard. L said in defiance... "I don't want anything anyway". This is his problem in a nut shell. Instead of making the right choice, he chooses to take the hard way, hurting himself in the process. Boy does this bother me to my core, because I know this attitude will be very difficult long term. I try so hard to get this attitude adjusted, because I don't want L to suffer as an adult. But try as I might, it is just his nature and it really, really bothers me.

V was upset and very unhappy. He said he wanted to rip up the letter. Then asked if I was bad as a child. This also true to his nature, he would rather ignore it and get rid of it, then deal with it. Then he wants to know what other people did so he can measure it out to see where he falls, not that he will change his behavior, but he likes to know where everyone stands.

Each of my boys are capable of making great decisions, showing much love, care, concern and gratitude. They are very kind in their hearts and creative when they want to be. I know they are young and have many more years to comprehend what the lessons are, but truly I pray each day to Saint Nicholas that he guide their paths so they may grow into Fine Gentlemen with long, healthy, happy lives.

So please Saint Nicholas, help my boys learn their lesson early on in life, so they may enjoy what is possible when their hearts, heads and souls are aligned!

Preparations

2009-11-21T14:46:00.000-05:00

We are preparing our home today. There is cleaning, menu planning, grocery lists being made and laundry to do.

Monday will be our Alternative Thanksgiving Dinner. There are some friends coming and some family, what little family we have here. As this will be our only Thanksgiving Dinner, the offerings are a bit more traditional.

Here is what we are having...

Alternative Thanksgiving Menu

Pear Rumba

Pate, Cheese and Olive Selection

Wine

Herb Roasted Turkey

Pan Gravy

Cranberry Relish

Sausage Apple Dressing

Collard Greens

Corn Pudding

Orange Scented Rolls

Apple Cranberry Pie

Pumpkin Pie

Cinnamon Ice Cream

Roasted Chestnuts

Coffee and Cordials

CRACKED...Part II

2009-11-14T11:05:00.000-05:00

Water was sucked up and we started the process of drying out. However, this is where things started to get tangled which leads to the CRACKED up part.

There was a ton of laundry involved in this water mess. I needed professional help to clean all of my items, as they took on all that water and started to stink! The building's attempt to rectify all of these issues fell short, really short.

I was told to have my laundry taken to a cleaner and that I would be reimbursed. I was told there were be a cleaning service to clean the dirty damage along with a credit for my electric. Stanley STeamer would come out again and clean my rugs too.

Well none of that happened. We still have items on our table from the incident. My landlady did say to take off the laundry bill from rent, (tears where in my eyes as I read her email saying she would take care of this item for us...). However, the rest of it, untouched and denied in terms of doing anything.

I was told by the building assoc. member to move if I didn't like her answers and when I said well you lied to me in saying all of this woudl be taken care of, she just said, oh well I am a volunteer.

After this .... I CRACKED!

What do I mean? I mean that for the past 6 months, I have started to appreciate my present living situation for what it is. I started to live in the moment, not for the future and enjoy my life. I started saying I was happy with our lives and realized we were living a good life. Solid, strong and happy existence was an achievement.

All of it went away and I was back to the woman I was of yesterday... a complainer and critic!

I started spewing my rants like sewage water!
I was done with apartment living, I never liked it! Hated relying on people that are unreliable. I wanted my own house, a bathtub, a garage, I want grass my own grass, my own yard, I didn't want to share any elevators with anyone anymore! I don't want a dinky mail slot that doesn't even hold a magazine so I have to wait for the glorified janitor to give me the rest of my mail.... I don't want to have limited guests over because there are no parking spaces available... I don't want to live in fear of hurricanes, I don't want eternal summer, I ~~LIKE~~, LOVE snow! I am ready to move and I want out NOW!

There was much more to the rant, but suffice to say, I was reminded by the Universe to not get too comfy, because at the end of the day, this isn't my ideal. And yes, there are ideals that can be acheived on this planet. For example.... don't like red ants or large palmetto bugs... move north! You can leave your issues behind! Dont like hurricanes, move inland! Don't care for palm trees that drop coconus like bombs to knock you out if you are underneath???(yes folks it does happen and will cause damage, severe damage), then move north. I actually change my driving patterns when the coconuts are in season, so I don't drive under a tree to damage my car.

The things I don't like here, are all remedied by a move north/west of here by about 7 hours. to rid myself of above mentioned bugs... then another 10 hours. Ideal city/local...

ASHEVILLE, NC. This is it, for me. In the USA this one spot is soemthing of a nirvana for me. I love it, just LOVE it. There are other places that would work, but this one spot is just so comfortable and lovely.

The CRACKED part, well it was me not living in peace and I didn't like it. I didn't like the ugly me, complaining and such. It felt uncomfortable. I am starting to get back on track and live on my terms again, but I do know what I need to do. I need to not settle for this place. IT may be an Island Paradise for some... but it isn't mine. I prefer different things.

There are people who take vacations to the carribean... there are people who take vacations to Europe... I am the latter and am just fine saying so.

I will live here as long as we need to, but realize there is another move or two or three ahead of us. I will not start envisioning buying a home here, as this is not where our home is to be long term. Next year is another opportunity for a move and we will hold on until then.

For now, we will continue the long extended vacation we are having here and learn what we can from this place in order to before for the next place.

Water Water Everywhere...I CRACKED! Part 1

2009-11-11T19:54:00.000-05:00

I would have to say moving to Florida, albeit something never dreamed of, has been a blessing. In many ways, we have grown as a family unit. The four of us came together in support, love, and togetherness.

When you are challenged with a move, new job, new city, new friends, new way of schooling, new growing seasons, new foods, new languages, new home, you find your strengths and weaknesses quickly. We all found new ways of coping and adapting to this new environment and life pattern. All in all we emerged better for the experiences and continue to find new joys with each day.

I have even started to realize that life is for living today. Gone are the days of planning for my life to start. I get it, my life already started... @#$ many years ago. There were many talks with family, friends, therapist and self to get my head in the game. It all came together when I moved onto this "Island Paradise".

Gratitude and awareness where my daily affirmations. I was happy, I actually commented that I was happy! Me the critic, the one who has seen better, tasted better, lived better, etc. I was happy and content to live here and enjoy the life that is offered here. I let go of wanting a bathtub, a garage, a pest free yard-(read no red ants here), 3rd bedroom, full dry basement, porch, larger kitchen with storage, my own appliances, trees with leaves that change colors in the fall, FALL, having a Trader Joes close by, being a days car ride from both sides of the family, lower cost of living, ants that don't reside in my car, (which are not proved by food bits, because we don't eat in our car), the ability to open all the windows in the house and have a cross breeze, the ability to have our own free standing home without neglectful people living above, beside or across the hall from you, the ability to line dry my clothing outside, yeah yeah you get the idea here...

Until last monday, Nov 2nd.....

A couple of floors up, one of the units decided to do a bathroom remodel. They hired ~~approved~~, ~~trained~~, contractors with insurance to do a professional job. V went to use the bathroom, only to find it flooded with water. Water was rushing out of the AC vent in the ceiling. Alarmed we grabbed the towels and started to create a dam. Still needing to use the toilet, he went into the master to step in more standing water. Okay, both bathrooms, master bedroom, storage closet and clothing closet were taking on water from the ceiling and AC Vents.

All of our storage was on the floor, Collector Lionel Train Engines, Artwork waiting to be framed, furniture, seasonal items, tools etc. My shoes were all on the floor along with 3 loads of laundry in need of washing, dry cleaning and laundry detergents etc. The water ran towards the bed, where we have more storage items hidden underneath. It soaked into the rug and at this point, I FREAKED! No renter's insurance! Call mystikman!

Luckily he came rushing home to create a process of order and water removal. After a couple of hours, we were able to get all the water up and out. We tried to salvage what we could and move items to "dry land".

Stanley Steamer arrived and started the process of drying out the building. High powered fans blew on the walls, large hummidifiers where plugged in. They were plugged into my electrical sockets, using my energy...and this was done at midnight... and these machines were in our bedroom... and they are NOISY! at least the water stopped and no one was coming into our unit anymore... 1 am, we finally were able to lock the doors and go to sleep.

Halloween

2009-10-29T22:31:00.000-04:00

We are preparing for Halloween, Holy Eve, or Samhain. This is a fun, festive time for our household, as we put out the fall decorations and prepare for the night of tricks and treats.

Each year we hold an Ancestor Meal to honor those who have passed. We create a fall meal filled with monsterous delight and say special prayers to our ancestors.

This year we will celebrate with another family. This is a first for us, as we have never celebrated with another family on this holiday. The boys are looking forward to the evening, as I am. What a treat to share a celebration of meaning and ceremony with like minded people.

Truly this is the best way to start a new year, as many Wiccans refer to this special holiday.

Our menu consists of Monster Meatloaf, Maggot Pumpkin Risotto, Shrunken Heads -Brussel Sprouts, Dead Man Finger Asparagus, Day of the Dead Cross Bone Bread, and bowls of tomato bloodshot eyes, Black Eye Ball Olives, Crooked Carrot Fingers and much more!

The costume for the boys will be the Grim Reaper and a Prince. I still haven't decided if I will dress up, but most likely I will wear the Horned God Mask as we honor him on this evening along with our Goddess Crone.

I find this holiday a perfect blend of Old Wiccan Meets Christian Meaning. It is important to me that the boys share and celebrate in a variety of belief systems, as it adds to their overall understanding of their world. Why not celebrate the earth and her glory, along with the Saints and Souls? As long as we learn to respect and celebration in healthy ritual, then all is well in my world. Happy Halloween to all!

Acceptance for the Journey

2009-10-22T12:24:00.000-04:00

What is acceptance? After many years of trying to define who and what I am...it appears that I am now in a different space than my family. Raised in a very close family, including extended family members, the prevailing family value is that you always stick together. Family is strong and is always there for you, in your business, helping you, when you need it and when you don't want it. These bonds were tight and seemingly unbreakable.

I admit to loving this aspect, but find it not so comfortable when family members hold beliefs that are not similar to mine. If you follow my blog, you will know that I have also broken off these family ties in several ways.

I no longer share a relationship with my father's family. As they were the perpetrators of my youth, who abused me, mentally, sexually, and religously, I have found I am healthier to be apart from their physical space.

When I became a mother, I started to examine more family members and found I needed distance from my mother's side. Not all, but there are more than a few that I would rather not share space with. Their views, morals, decisions are not in line with mine and I find it hard to keep my mouth shut when challenged with somethign I deem inappropriate.

People are people and we all follow different paths, no matter the upbringing. Some of the most unlikey groupings can produce fruitful outcomes! Just look at mystikman and me! We really share nothing in common, but have found love in each other that is strong and gentle.

So who is to say where we belong when those we never knew can bring us much joy and comfort?

When we look back at our family members, are we to forever embrace them in our lives? Or are we to accept them, as they are, for what they are and leave them be to live their lives on their terms? This is the path I am currently taking, but make no mistake if their path and my path are not the same, then we go our seperate ways as this is the only way to have each person make their own journey. Is it written that we need to be on the same journey? I think not. I am not willing to stop my journey and change direction for anyone. I love my life and am blessed to be where I am with mystikman, L and V. I welcome anyone who is on the same journey in our lives, but those who are not, need to go their own way.

Now the part of letting the judgments fall away is upon me....

Children of Substance

2009-10-11T10:39:00.000-04:00

"I believe fate smiled at destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle

'Know this child will be able'
Laughed as she came to my mother

'Know this child will not suffer'
Laughed as my body she lifted

'Know this child will be gifted'
With love with patience, and with faith
She'll make her way"

- Natalie Merchant

Yes I have always liked this part of the song. It fills me with hope, love, joy and truth. Love, Patience and Faith...yes we have love, I have faith and we all work on patience.

The past 2 days have been more successful in terms of parenting and grace. Our home has undergone a transformation of sorts and the children seem to have benefited from an enhanced flow. Now we only need to translate this to our homestudies...one can hope!

Homeschool Challenges

2009-10-09T11:37:00.000-04:00

Trying to do the best for our children is an uphill journey. In an effort to provide a loving, nurturing atmosphere to engage my boys in the joy of learning...I have seem to found despair, frustration, anger and exhaustion.

This past month, motivating the boys and myself to find that happy learning environment has not happened. Instead, I have been yelling, growling and breaking wooden spoons on the counter. I am not proud of these moments, but I am frustrated because I want the very best for my boys and they don't seem to appreciate all the sacrificing we have done for them.

Not all is lost as we have had about one week of good schooling efforts. But one week out of 5-6? I know all homeschoolers go through this and I also know that this is still better for my boys, then public schooling, but I wish it wasn't this hard.

I know I need to change. I am working on it. Right now I am organizing our space, our schedule and pairing it down to the simplest of things.

I pray it all works, because my throat can't take any more growling!

Changing things Up a Bit

2009-10-04T10:59:00.001-04:00

After some spiritual urges, I have decided to dedicate this blog more to "momma" topics. This will be a site to share with family, friends and general public. As we live far from family, there needs to be a place where we can share our growth and decrease the distance that lies between.

Isn't this true for those of us who comment on each others blog when we are miles apart?

Even though I may live Southern Florida, I do still enjoy the comforts of reading blogs up north. I share your backyards full of autumn colors, winter scenes and spring's bounty. We all are only a click away and we have found a way to "time" travel into each others' spaces.

Welcome the new design!

It is Official!

2009-09-29T21:08:00.002-04:00

This past weekend, I just took a test, performed a swim stroke test and made it! I scored a perfect on both evaluations and I have to say, it felt good. I am a great swimmer, I know my stuff and now I am a Certified American Red Cross Water Safety Instructor.

Note, picture not so flattering....

Next month I will go for the Lifeguard Certification, but right now, I am enjoying this achievement. It has been a while since I took a test and to score 100% 15 minutes before anyone else was done...? Well I was very happy about that.

Now the fun starts, finding private clients so I can earn some extra spending money!

TIME FLIES!

2009-09-26T22:30:00.007-04:00

My little guy V turned 5 this past week. He was so excited about his birthday, but who isn't at 5? He had a small celebration with some school friends and this Monday we will have the real party with cake and presents. Mystikman is going to make his favorite food for dinner...mac-n-cheese! He wants a race car cake, so I need to put my thinking cap on in order to make it.

As a family, we watched his birth video. I gave birth to him in a tub at the hospital without ANY pain medications. It was natural all the way. What struck me was how happy V was to see the "baby". Once in a while he would refer to it as himself, but most of the time it was the "baby". I think in watching the video I did a little rebirthing. I was tense and clenching my teeth in parts, remembering what I was going through and knowing I needed to get this baby out! There was a moment when my midwife was yelling at me and I clearly remember that!

All in all he is 5, not a baby anymore. But he is my baby and always will be. I remind him of this fact several times a week.

Natural Defenses

2009-09-19T17:47:00.003-04:00

This week I have been arming myself with information. What information? Information regarding vaccines and fighting dis ease naturally. How do we keep our bodies healthy naturally?

It seems you are either pro vaccine or against it. The more I read, the more I know it isn't for our family. I reluctantly vaccinated my boys, albeit, one at a time and not with those 3 in 1 shots. Now, as I see the push for the flu vaccine escalate beyond normal promotions...once again, my inner spirit tells me to heed maternal instinct.

If you are inclined to do your own investigation, here are some resources to get started. There are many more sites but these two will get you thinking.

In any event, I have also come across some basic steps to keep you healthy and boost yoru immune system. I thought to share.

1 Oregano Oil is a great immune booster. It is even touted as one key component to living a very LONG life.

2 Wash hands, wash hands, wash hands, wash hands.

3 Collodial Silver is a good addition to the immune boosting regime.

4 Wash hands, wash hands, wash hands, wash hands.

5 Antibacterial Spray - caution using one with alcohol or other chemical ingredients strips away your bodies natural defenses. Instead use a gentle natural spray like the recipe listed below.

Natural Antibacterial Spray:

The formula which includes equal amounts of: cinnamon bark, lemon, eucalyptus, clove, and rosemary therapeutic grade essential oils. Mix them with jojoba or olive oil as a carrier, and use on hands as a sanitizer. (Note: pure essential oils can be very potent, it’s important to test some on a small patch of skin to check for any adverse reactions.)

6 Wash hands, wash hands, wash hands, wash hands.

Okay so there are some tips. Hopefully they will help keep you and yours safe, healthy and happy for many years to come without having to get stuck by needles needlessly it seems.

Challenges

2009-09-16T19:08:00.002-04:00

When we learn something new or become aware of an idea, it seems that we see it everywhere. The same is said for being tested. Once we realize a new level of understanding, it seems there are challenges thrown in our way to test that knowledge.

Finances have been challenging for me in the past. Growing up poor and without many of the things my friends had, I learned from a young age that money controlled a lot of how we lived. I can remember hearing my parents struggles year after year. If they could afford private schooling for us, if the financial aid package would cover it, or if they were able to buy holiday presents. Lack of funds affected their purchases and how I was raised for certain.

As I grew, I knew I didn't want to be poor. I didn't want to always have a hand me down couch. I wanted to be able to buy what I wanted when I wanted it. At one point in my life, I was able to do that for the most part.

Then the responsibilities came and money became a must have goal again and I felt that familiar squeeze. The battle I had with money came back and I struggled to find any redeamable qualities.

In the past year, I came to a place of realization for me. Money is money and the emotion I attach to it is my issue. It really doesn't matter if the emotion is there or not, because the money just is. So what I can do is take away the emotion and at least live a freer life, without the stress of it all. I would like to claim victory over this battle, but well, there are slip ups.

Recently, I have been challenged again. A business venture, gone sour, finally came to a close. The money invested is far more than the money gained, so a loss had to be dealt with, emotionally. I had to come to terms with the idea that we will not recoup that money and it is what it is. I did truly get there. I let it all go and I felt okay about it. Of course we want everything we do to be great and feel confident about our choices, but sometimes there are factors beyond our control that get in the way. Reality is we can not control all the factors and there will always be unknowns.

So here I am, feeling that I am getting closer finding peace in this struggle, then a bomb is dropped. From this business deal, something awful happened, but if I kept my insurance, I stood to gain some of my investment back. Here is the kicker... I canceled the insurance 2 months ago, due to lack of funds! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Really? Why didn't' this happen when I was insured? Why did it have to wait? Is this part of the test, to see how I would handle it?

This event happened 2 days ago. Today I am just in disbelief that I am here, in the financial hole. I breathe through it and try to just move on. Don't dwell on the negative. Yes I get it. and I am here to say I am trying my darnedest to move on. Lord knows, I want to MOVE on!

We all have our struggles. We all have our tests, hopefully we all move onto greener pastures!

Remembering...

2009-09-11T09:23:00.004-04:00

Eight years ago, I was a newly married woman, living in New Orleans, LA. I was a consultant working for one of those massive international companies who "try" to make local companies better with their "superior" knowledge via outsourcing resources. I had just left a meeting, onto another when I noticed people congregating around a roaming TV stand in the hallway. I found it strange that so many people were watching this apparent action movie stunt.

Then I noticed the mood. It wasn't in awe that people were watching it was in horror. I stopped and started to investigate what was so special about this action movie sequence.

It wasn't a movie, IT WAS REAL! The was a plane that flew into one of the Twin Towers!@@#$@# Okay, what on earth happened? Then I was one of the flock, not moving. More information came and then it was apparent there were terrorists attacking the USA. Attacking us on our own soil? Is this possible? This has never happened in so many years.

OH MY GOD, I have friends and relatives that work in NYC and in Washington DC and there is a plane over Ohio? My family lives in Ohio...must go home, must call everyone I know and check in.

Running back to my office, I hear of other possible targets, national landmarks. The Superdome was one of the things I heard. Oh know, must leave work. The office was attached to the Superdome. I went to my bosses office and let her know I needed to go home. She didn't think it was necessary, as we had another meeting. I then reiterated to her, that the US was being attacked and there were more planes circling the country. She took me a tad more seriously, but I had to go.

I drove home, found mystikman in the driveway and we just hugged each other sobbing. I had called him from my office and demanded he call his family in NY. Everyone was fine, but they were watching the smoke over the horizon and knew one of their neighbors was there fighting the fire.

Luckily it was mystikman's day off and we spent the entire day at home, on the phone, glued to the TV in pure awe of what the world was going through. This was REAL, this was NOW, this is our HISTORY.

Today, all of our relatives are fine. Our friends were accounted for, even one who was stuck in the subway on her way towards ground zero to volunteer with the Red Cross. My in-laws neighbor? Well he never came home that day. Instead we walk by a bench on the way to the beach in his honor. I didn't know him, beyond "Hello". But I do sit on his bench when I am there to pause. He is remembered often and celebrated often. As the years have progressed, this neighbor's cousin would one day become my brother-in-law.

I am now a mother of 2 beautiful spirits in the form of BOYS! We are living in Southern Florida on an idyllic Island or KEY. WE have bought and sold our first home, started and sold out of our first business, fought and made up with family members, laughed and cried, lost jobs and found better ones and realized that life is not about anything but the present moment and the relationships around you. Through it all, a nod to 9-11 is there.

For the first time in my life, I realized the US is not impenetrable, but just another country open to whatever force is out there. The threat of horror that exists in our countries now exists here. We live with a doubt as to our safety.

My contribution is to work on Peace. I pray every night to Archangel Michael for safety and protection. I also ask this supreme angel to carry Mother Earth into safety, to help heal her wounds. I picture this massive angel placing its protection ultraviolet wings around the globe in a loving embrace. I ask that I am aided in ways that will help Mother Earth heal. The people on this planet need to find healing in their hearts and minds so their souls can be free to love.

This is my prayer on this day:

"May the angels help all humans find the love within their hearts, no matter race, religion, sex, culture, language, appearance, ability, age, orientation or affliction. Through the Supreme Being's guidance our wounds will be healed and our bodies will be restored to temples of love and witness."

Blessings!

Summer Vacation Photos

2009-09-08T21:12:00.001-04:00

Okay the photo part of our Summer Vacation has arrived!!! Just click on the last photo box below and it will take you to a slide show. But in the meantime here are some others...

The Fair

Bikes with cousins

After the Tubbie

Canoeing on the Clarion River, PA

Bubbles at the Cabin

Enjoy!

Summer Vacation

Motivation!

2009-09-07T13:16:00.003-04:00

Here are some things that are on my to do list....

1. Upload vacation photos... I know ally, I am behind on that one BIG TIME!

2. Sew Colored Pencil Art Pouch for the boys to use during Eco Academy... already started Eco Academy

3. Lose 20 pounds... started this component using FITDAY but lagging in the exercise department

4. Create our homeschool schedule and prepare the new binders for the year and reading lists and math drill sheets etc.

5. Vacuum/dust house...ugh... I don't enjoy cleaning, but do enjoy a clean house, so I guess I have to buck up and do it!

6. Sew a fun skirt for me... this will have to wait until all other things are out of the way.

7. Organize hand made gifts items for the fall birthdays and winter holidays... started on one item... many, many more to go!

8. Complete growth chart for my V... who has patiently waited now, almost 5 years!

9. Clean out car...should have done this prior to leaving Ohio, but didn't. Still carting around Pennsylvania Cabin pine needles and lost peanut butter pretzels in the car.

10. Enter Quickbooks Data for Client.

11. Enter tax deductions to date for alpaca business.

12. There is more, much more to list.

It is good to have projects, something to look forward to, something to accomplish. But there are times, when the list isn't fun or engaging or when you just want to curl up on the couch with a good book, or quiet TV watching something like how to cook something divine or build something cool and then drift off to sleep. This for me is the perfect cat nap, when I am just relaxing and the TV is quiet enough for me to drift off. I love that!

Time to go and....well what would you do if a list like this was staring at you?

Month Away Continued....

2009-08-28T16:56:00.003-04:00

1. Worked at the farmer's market, the restaurant and started to clean vacant apartment.
2. Made enough money to pay for half of the car bill and some spending cash for the rest of the trip.
3. Boys went Putt Putt with their Zio, (uncle), and their Papa.
4. Boys went fishing twice with Papa.
5. Took boys for a free movie, part of the summer movie series.
6. Did some craft shopping along with some homeschool supply shopping.
7. Picked some veggies in the garden.
8. Drove around near Amish Country and enjoyed really great ice cream from Hartzler Dairy - all organic and really creamy!
9. Did some knitting meditation... I like to sit and knit. I have no project in mind, just knit as I love how the bamboo needles slide in and out of my fingers. It calms me and helps me practice gauge etc.
10. Dealt with motor vehicle too many times, but ultimately got my tags and echeck taken care of.
11. Did more work for restaurant...wine tasting etc.
12. Packed up for the family cabin in Pennsylvania.
13. Long time friend and her son met up with us for the week long trip.
14. Hiked on some trails in Cooks Forest.
15. Canoed on the Clarion River without tipping over, way to go Ally!
16. Hiked around the firetower as I watched my barely 5 year old walk almost up to the top without any adult... hold breath here!
17. Visited with cousins up at their cabin and watched the progress of their tree house project.
18. BBQued yummy chicken, made smores, and ate really yummy food the entire week!
19. Painted with the boys nature scenes and used leaves to do so. Ally came prepared!
20. Knitted 2 washclothes, thanks to Ally for helping me understand a basic pattern.
21. Talked, drank wine, talked, drank more wine, enjoyed beer and peach pie, not together though...
22. Spotted for deer, almost every night and in one night alone we saw 103! That was a great night!
23. Took the boys panning for "gems".
24. Made the usual stops at the local shops to have a peak at the new wears...
25. Explored the local flea market.
26. Tie Dyed a lot of clothing and made some nice pieces actually!
27. Did some reading, you know the spiritual stuff that I am into these days.
28. Returned to Ohio for the Feast in Little Italy.
29. Visited with my grandmother for a while.
30. Had a Miami friend meet up with us for a night and a day. That was cool!
31. Drove to GA with the boys and mom.
32. Took a day to drive around and have breakfast at a Yummy place in Atlanta.
33. Let the boys spend some of their hard earned money at one of my favorite stores.
34. Made good food at my Aunt's.
35. Visited with family and relaxed.
36. Met up with mystikman in Altanta and stayed with family friends for a couple of days.
37. Did more window shopping around Mystikman's and my old haunts.
38. Discovered a new chocolate shop in Atlanta!
39. Drove to Amelia Island, FL to stay a couple days at the Ritz.
40. Enjoyed the ammenities of the hotel with some perks thrown in. As mystikman is paid modestly at the Ritz, it is nice to be able to enjoy this perk as he is allowed to stay at the Ritz on the cheap and usually some other things are thrown in for free as well. I look at it as a nice bonus that he earned!
41. Arrived at home a day ago.

Still have some things to unpack, but for the most part, we are almost there.

Now I need to start preparing for the school year as our first enrichment class starts next week. I also want to post some photos of our 31 day vacation!

Life is pretty good with us and we certainly hope it is good for you!

Week in Review

2009-07-29T00:43:00.002-04:00

Okay, here it is the week in review, since I haven't posted in a while.

1 - July 21st celebrated my birthday, ate yummy food at the Ritz Carlton with my family of 4. Mystikman done good! Great Present and treat that was.

2 - Parent's arrived for a couple of days.

3 - Drove to Key Largo on Mary Magdalena's feast Day. Celebrated her at the ocean.

4 - Spent time at the beach with parents and children.

5 - Attended last Summer Reading Program were the boys won another prize, tally is 3 now.

6 - Drove to Atlanta, GA with boys and parents.

7 - Spent a day in Atlanta eating at a favorite joint and spent time with my aunt's family.

8 - Drove to Chippewa Lake, OH and now plan on staying for a couple of weeks at parents' house.

9 - Renewed Driver's License

10 - Ate at favorite Sushi Place

11 - Saw my niece's and they grew like weeds!!!

12 - Watched my boys run around outside with happy glea in "their" yard whenever they wanted to, not when mommy has time to take them to the park. It was spontaneous play, not planned because we live in a highrise.

13 - Working tomorrow at a Farmer's Market for another Aunt.

14 - Enjoying the cool night breezes and sleeping weather.

Well that wraps it up so far....

Realizing Maturity

2009-07-18T15:41:00.004-04:00

Today at the library I picked up the book Postsecret. I am in a reading program this summer at our library requiring me to read a staff pick, which this was. The boys are also in a summer reading program and have participated fully, winning raffle tickets throughout the summer.

Getting back to this book...

As I read the entries, there were times, I just wanted to put it down and erase my mind from the contents inside. I read many postcards full of anger, sadness, loss and dissatisfaction. The cards were negative and loathing. There may have been 2-3 entries that didn't make me cringe and were hopeful. Isn't that sad? Out of all the secrets kept, most of them were negative? Is this what secrets are, to keep bad things in?

When I finished the book, I realized, I no longer live in that space and time of anger and angst. I have every right to be negative and angry; anyone of childhood abuse earns that right through each abusive act. But as I grow and mature, I am learning to let it go and have consequently carved out a healthy, happy place to live. I matured and reading that book today, I saw my growth.

I pray we all find the love that exists in our hearts and realize it was and is always there. If we could see it for ourselves then we wouldn't wait for others to pull it out or allow them to take it away.

Letter of Forgiveness Part 1

2009-07-14T18:10:00.005-04:00

Previously, I have hinted at my childhood abuse. At times, I thought to write about it here and go into details, as a way to explain and possibly provide healing for anyone else going through the healing process.

But it seems what I want to share is a letter of forgiveness first. This letter is the second letter which comes 16 years after the first letter I sent. The first letter sent back in 1993 actually revealed to my perpetrators what I knew and experienced. One would think retelling people what they did was a silly thing to do, but when you live with secrets and denial, sometimes point blank shouting it out is the only thing to do.

Again this is what the Story of the Little Soul encouraged me to do, after 34 years when the abuse began.

"Many years have passed, with silence, blame and accusations between us. Within this time and space, I have taken the necessary steps to find peace among the chaos that was our shared past. When I made accusations so long ago, I was mad, hurt, confused and felt as if my entire existence was based on a lie. My childhood was not happy, because there were ugly secrets hiding in the background.

My truth is that through observation, actual play or conversation, I was exposed to topics not meant for children. I do understand you were also a child in many ways, trying to make sense of your experiences. I also understand you went through some difficult times growing up with your own abuses.

The person I have become is only possible with my life experiences. The woman I am today is a strong, self reliant, dedicated, persistent, spiritual person. Not saying I think my life experiences to date have all been rosy or acceptable, but they have made me the woman I am today. I love who I am and if that means accepting my past, then I will and I have.

I would say thank you for shaping me into this person, but that sounds a bit “odd” considering the history between us. But, “I forgive you for all the past transgressions”, seems more appropriate and freeing for us both.

Forgiveness is a term defined in many ways. I have let go of this many years ago, but never indicated this to you. I didn’t think it necessary, as you have your life/choices to contend with as I have mine. However, I came across a story of forgiveness which struck a cord. This story gave me the desire to actually write this letter.

What is my intent after this letter? The honest truth, I don’t expect or want anything more. This is not to be an invitation for relationship. I am quite content with my life as it is, in terms of who and what I have become. I am deeply spiritual, dedicated to a life built on humanity and fairness. From what I know, my life would jar yours and that would not be a comfortable place for either of us. My lifestyle and choices are not main stream and I am not willing to compromise for anyone. I am certain if you asked my parents they would agree. I am an eclectic, passionate person with a strong opinion. This can be a challenge to be around and quite honestly, I am satisfied with that.

In closing, I wish you the best on your journey of life’s discovery. Please know I have let go of all ill will and have arrived at a very happy place of peace and understanding.

May the Universe provide you with what it is you need in terms of life’s lessons and supports. I know deep within, my soul is on its path and that you had a hand in providing me some of my life lessons, for this I am grateful and apologetic for causing you any harm.

Peace and light,"

Discipline

2009-07-13T21:16:00.003-04:00

There are a couple of things I don't do well. (Yes, I am admitting this right here and now). The first is exercise.

I am full of excuses as to why my body is not tone, slimmer and more fit. I eat the right foods, I know the correct way to exercise and I even have the proper attire. The kicker is... I don't like it!

I never really had to work at staying the same size so there was never a need for a fitness regime. I also didn't grow up with parents or other relatives that were fit. My mom's side is well "robust" and my dad's side was always fairly thin with the occasional diet thrown in. There were no runners, no weight lifters, no aerobics, just living and doing and eating whatever seemed to taste good.

The only physical activity I truly enjoy is swimming. Now there are a couple of hurdles to make this a daily habit. You have to have access to ample water for swimming, you need to have another pair of eyes/ears on the children and the water needs to be at a certain temperature. Now if you don't have free access to water, then there is the cost factor of joining a pool/facility.

This summer, I have access to a pool which is large enough to warrant lap swimming. I have done a decent job swimming laps at least 4x week. So maybe I can start a routine...assuming I still have access to a decent body of water to exercise in.

The second challenge is spending.

I tend to shop here and there. I tend to go out to eat here and there. All the while I know we really don't have the extra funds for any of the spending. But somehow, we are squeezing by using up our little cushion, we had built up.

Tonight I sat down with the checkbook. I was going through all the transactions and saw the entries... $28m $29, $44, $32, $18, $14 etc. Kinda small, and some of those actually fed a family of 4, which one might be proud of! But in the end, when it occurs more than once a month, it starts to add up and affect the overall budget.

The thought that ran through my head... "I have to employ more discipline"! Yes, folks I don't have discipline in any area. I live my life according to what makes sense and feels right. For the most part, I have a great balance and my lifestyle is easy to follow. But for those areas I struggle with...this is were the discipline needs to happen.

What areas of your life need some discipline???

Slowing Down

2009-07-08T16:56:00.004-04:00

Recently, I was struck by this blog. When I retold the gist to mystikmam later that day, I came to a few ah ha moments for myself.

I have been known to do some MAJOR speeding in my day. How about doing 85 in a 35 zone, past a parked patrol car??? Yeah, I was lucky that I wasn't pulled over! I also have shown little patience on the idea of waiting....

A couple of things have happened to me these past couple of years and that post, in simple terms, made it all make sense. Why are we in a hurry? Why do we rush from this place to that place? Why does time consume our days? Why do we have to time races, who are we really competing against? What clock? Are we really in a hurry to live?

If we hurry too much, are we just rushing through our life? Are we speeding up to our grave, the final destination in this life form? This is the thought that made me stop and take note. I have rushed my whole life to be on time, first place, early arrivals, beat the clock, etc etc. Even now, I struggle with being comfortable at NOT knowing what I am to be/do for the "rest of my life". HA! What a funny line that really is, when you think about it.

Watching Michael Jackson's memorial yesterday, I saw a young boy pushed to excel. He excelled so quickly to please those around him. In the process he found something he was good at. (Note: could he also be good at something else? Not certain, because he wasn't allowed to find out or explore).

He was rushed from this gig to that gig. This TV special to that special, this concert to that concert. He was up against a clock of what will he do next? What is his next move going to be???

Now his life is over on this earth and it could be viewed as a rush to an early grave. This makes me pause to really contemplate what the rushing is for. I am here, living, and this is what we are to do in this lifetime, live!

Living is exploring this world. I want to explore as much of it as possible. I want to see how things work, who people are, what makes sense and know why. If I rush through it, I might miss a critical piece of the entire whole.

Many would agree Michael missed a critical piece of his puzzle. He missed out on something he was never able to regain. His heart was missing a piece and it could have very well been a simple piece, the idea to love and accept who he was. But he missed it in the rush to perform, to please.

I plan on living a healthy, able life until 2072, yes a 100 years. Mystikman will live at least a month longer than my life and the boys will continue after that. So what is the rush? We might as well take time to enjoy the journey.

Yes there are challenges and wouldn't it be nice to fast forward through those? But if we did, we would just have to repeat them, until we learned what it was we were supposed to learn. So I am allowing myself the time to live and take it all in, second by second.

This is a challenge for me, as many of you can attest. But it is a worthwhile pursuit and it just might bring me to a better understanding of me and this world.

Slow down, smell those roses, find the pieces to your puzzle and enjoy the journey. Soon enough you will return to the light and this world will be gone in a flash.

On Turning 7

2009-07-05T10:23:00.006-04:00

This weekend was my oldest son's birthday. He turned 7 this year and boy he came in with a bang! Not certain if the growing pains affected his behavior, but he was a bear for sure. I explained that when you turn 7, you are no longer allowed to behave in such terms again. (Strategy is half working....)

As with most holidays and special family days, mystikman had to work, so we will do the birthday meal, cake and opening of presents tomorrow when the family can be together. However, L was able to see his birthday crown and we brought homemade cookies to the pool for everyone to celebrate. L was happy and seemed to have a good day.

With all the consumerist behaviors found in our country, I saddens me that so many children grow up expecting lavish birthday parties where there are a ton of children brought together for some made up party, gifting something their parents bought and then leaving with some plastic trinkets as a favor for their attendance. I am lucky in terms of having a summer baby, so I am not bombarded with this pressure. Now that I homeschool the boys, I feel equally blessed to remove myself from the rat race of out doing the other party etc.

I grew up in a family that celebrated our birthdays simply... you were able to eat a favorite meal, you choose your birthday cake flavor and you got together with family for the exchange of presents. Granted I came from a large extended family, but there was simplicity in this approach that I find refreshing. My children don't need to have the family party, the friend party, the school party... it is just too much! Acknowledgment for the day is good, but going overboard pushes the limits and certainly my buttons.

So when we passed out 80 handmade cookies to those at the pool and sang the traditional song, that was enough. L was happy, felt special enough and we then proceeded with our day. (L is the one with the swim cap on in the middle. Box of cookies in front. We didn't even need a candle, it was festive enough)!

Tomorrow he wants to have BBQ chicken and cantaloupe. We certainly will indulge his menu choice and invite a long time family friend to celebrate and that will be it. The 5 of us will dine, eat cake and L will open his presents. He is happy, not wanting for anything more and feels special. Happy Birthday my lovely L!~

Gifts of Foregivenss

2009-06-30T14:20:00.003-04:00

Growing up, Sunday's meant getting ready for church and attending mass as a family. Now that I am in my own family, raising 2 boys, I seem to struggle with the idea of family church going. For me, connecting to the Catholic Church is difficult. I long for something that is more encompassing than a male based God defined by men in a position of power and isolation from the Vatican. There just seems to be more of Jesus' story than the 4 gospels that were chosen for us in 313 AD. The "other" books might actually provide a fuller picture of Jesus’ life and legacy.

However, on these Sunday’s meant for rest and repose, I do listen to Christian Music that stirs my soul. The melodies find their way into our home and hearts quite easily. I also belong to a spiritual group called the The Magdalene Line; a group dedicated to the Diving Feminine as well as the Divine Masculine. Daily, I participate in a spiritual dialogue and actively contribute. My life is driven by the spirit within, daily. Daily Practice seems to be the true test of our spirituality, not the Sunday Ritual. But if you receive something out of the Sunday ritual, then great; I have not been able to hear anything there for some time.

This site struck a cord within. As I read through the story, my childhood abuse memories came to the surface quickly. Forgiveness is one of those concepts that seem to have many interpretations. Once I read this story, I wonder, "Was I given a gift to learn forgiveness? This must have been a great need of mine, as the gift was given at the age of 2. Not only was the gift given by my father’s sisters, but it was given to me by his mother in a completely different manner. There were little gifts too; I guess I really needed to learn this as a little soul.

Something unlocked inside that I have struggled with for 34 years! This is the spirit working among us and it is powerful!

This is what the Sunday Ritual should be. Even though I didn't attend mass this past Sunday, I am grateful to my routine as I have found something no priest was ever able to give me. Sometimes we need to hear a message a million different ways, in a million different languages before it clicks. Today and this morning it clicked.

What gifts did you ask for from God?

All shall be well, all will be well… Julian of Norwich.

2009-06-28T10:13:00.003-04:00

Consumers have many ways to spend their dollars. It seems the more money you have the more you can afford or the "higher quality", name brand items are within reach. If your spending dollars are less, the assumption is you will trend to be a bargain shopper, frequenting stores offering more for less and possibly purchase "inferior" products.

But the challenge I put out today is not that more money equals better product due to name or quality, or that less money equals cheap construction and poor quality. Rather, why don't we look at the integrity of the product; is it sustainable, ecological and natural? Will your purchase be of your choosing or will your wallet size determine the bracket for your spending?

If I had millions in the bank, the choices for my spending would remain consistent to my choices today. There are two changes I would make however. Organic clothing would be a priority instead of a luxury and we would finally be able to upgrade our vehicle to a Hybrid or at least something with a 40+ MPG. Beyond these changes, I wouldn't let a larger wallet fill my head with dreams of grandeur in terms of what society determines is "luxury".

This is where most of us get it wrong. It isn't about the higher priced item, it is about the form and function of the item and whether or not it adds value to life in general. I don't think a higher price tag is a blanket statement for the product's true value. Think about all the high priced cosmetics found at Nordstroms, Neiman Marcus or Bloomingdales that are loaded with chemicals and questionable "paraben". Walk into any boutique clothier and see of they are using sustainable bamboo or organic fibers. Read the labels for the name brand food items. Do you see the Organic Label on the package? Do these products add to your health or do they benefit Mother Earth? Due to their higher price tag there is a perceived notion it is better, (the goal of advertisers). For me the answer is no. I try to always choose products based on their integrity instead of their price tag.

How refreshing to see Celebrities choose green living, instead of excessive living. It is about content and integrity, not about excess and wallet size. Maybe if we started to root out the truth behind our product choices we would affect truth in advertising and pricing. The consumer could buy based on true need and not perceived status. Mother Earth would start to heal, instead of fracture and then our financial status would not mean as much as the integrity of our soul. Our nature would be more important than our financial status.

If amassing wealth is the defining quality of a person's worth... look at Bernie Madoff. Is he really a person of integrity? Is he our role model for success? Is he the person we aspire to become? Think about this as you slave away at your jobs to earn a good salary to afford the house, the cars, the take out, the high priced designer labels, the fancy $3.50 cup of coffee, the latest high tech gadget and the over the top party to outdo all parties. What does all this spending really say about you? Thoughtful, wise, creative, or ______; well you can fill in the blank.

What are you working so hard to prove? What does the big paycheck really offer you, freedom, choice, integrity? Taking the steps to living in harmony with our Creators is a tough one. There are many who are making the choice and waking up to their true purpose. They work hard to balance out financial responsibilities with gainful, rewarding employment. They take extra thought for purchases and choices with their wallet. They are thoughtful and inspiring. One such story is found here. This is human challenge for all who inhabit Mother Earth. What footprint are you leaving behind on Gaea? Does she regard you with kindness or resentment?

This post is not to say I am perfect, but that I struggle with my choices everyday and it would be refreshing to see value placed on true value and not perceived value. If the size of the wallet didn't matter, could we connect more as humans and learn about our humanity?

Inspiration

2009-06-26T16:21:00.003-04:00

"It is our choices...that show what we
truly are, far more than our abilities"
- J. K. Rowling

This quote sums up my thoughts on most things...

Musical Musings on Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T20:12:00.003-04:00

Music was enhanced by Michael Jackson's talent. He was able to transcend the stage and go places we never knew existed. When I turned 10, I opened one of my presents and received a tape of Thriller! It was one of my first pieces of music.

That tape played over and over and over again. It was great and the music that I liked, not my parents or aunts. I was a fan!

When Michael became Jacko, my affections started to wane. I still listened to the music, but his off stage lifestyle, antics, allegations got in the way of fully appreciating him the way I did when I was 10. It was hard to piece together the musical genius/showman to the troubled man who never seemed to grow up struggling with his identity and actions.

Today, I watch the news and think, wow, what a talent, what a shame, what a loss for the music industry. It is shocking, why? Because you just think of these icons to be larger than life and in reality they are no more above the laws of the universe than you or me.

Life is a gift we are given in this reality to explore, create, experience. We should all do what we can to enjoy the life we are given as it is our most precious gift.

May you now find the peace you so desperately longed for Michael...

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T12:12:00.003-04:00

Mystikman has a great life! He loves his work, is the daddy of 2 amazing little men and is loved by mystikmomma like crazy!

Happy Father's Day Mystikman!

Claiming Happiness

2009-06-20T13:23:00.003-04:00

A late night phone call this past week, brought about an interesting realization. When asked how my life was going, I pondered what to say. For the most part, my life is really good, solid, happy and fulfilling. But there was something nagging at me and when I really put my mind to it, I found the nagging culprit - misunderstandings in my friendships.

Every day, mystikman and I say to one another how lucky we are. We are blessed, we are happy and our life is good. This is the message I wanted to convey on the phone call, but it was mired in these friends issues I have been having.

This afternoon, I was watching Rick Steve's Milan on PBS. We watch PBS often and anything Italian sucks me in. I was sitting and saw how happy I was inside and decided that these friend issues are not worth dampening my mood. I let these hurt feelings and confused thoughts seep into my happiness and that needs to stop.

Today I say, I am happy, lucky, blessed and love my life. I smile, am content and know "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be
well". Jullian of Norwich

There is no need to let anything dampen my mood. Okay Jacques Pepin is on PBS... ahh the French Countryside Dining experience... Does it get any better? Gotta run!

Choosing Freedom!

2009-06-18T18:50:00.002-04:00

Recently a friend had a life event happen. Due to this change in circumstance, a new road awaits. Now the future that seemed clearly plotted is wide open. Many would look upon this change as a difficulty, hurdle or be very depressed at the initial happening. However, if taken at face value it is only a change and due to this change, the direction of the life path can be altered more freely.

Sometimes it is hard to make changes when we are in the trenches of momentum. But when the momentum is cut short, if forces us to rethink our goals, dreams and directions.

I am amazed at how my friend has taken this change and turned it into a chance at life. The choices are now many instead of few. There are more possibilities and the freedom to choose is liberating!

As a child, I played one thing and then changed my mind to play something else. I was not locked in to one set play path. The freedom to be who and what I wanted was wonderful! I love watching this unfold for my friend. There is limitless freedom with each step!

Crossed Communications!

2009-06-16T16:01:00.003-04:00

Friendships have been a focus for me this past month. In recent days, there have been some admittances about misunderstandings and crossed communication. As I am relieved to know there is still interest in the friendship, I am confused as to how to overcome the "miss", that exists.

I find that trying to explain your position and thought process is defensive. This of course is not the point, but who likes to be misunderstood? Also I struggle with how to share my life, without it being taken as judgmental?

How do you explain yourself so it is taken as is? Is this really my issue or the receivers? I don't know, but I try and try to be open, honest, ask for clarity when I need it, but there are these crossed wires somehow in the way.

Ever notice how some people you just get; never a strong or curt word between you? Then there are others that you struggle with, have highs and lows with? I do understand we are unique and different. I get that we come with varied instructions which lean us one way or the other. We also learn new ways based on our life experiences. I just don't think it should be this difficult between friends, that is what our family is for (HA)!

Why all the explaining, misunderstanding... this is my challenge and I am not certain where to go with it, just yet.

Swimming Summer

2009-06-11T15:49:00.002-04:00

The Venetian Pool is where we are spending our summer. Every morning this week, the boys and I have been out the door by 7:30 and in the pool by 8:30am. Considering we are a homeschool family that wakes upon our internal alarm clocks, this is a huge feat!

The boys are doing well, each in their own class twice daily. They have a break in between classes where they hang out with other children and explore, chat, play games and all things involving childhood memory making!

I teach alongside another new trainee, which is of course unheard of, as each new trainee is to teach alongside a seasoned Water Safety Instructor, WSI. So here we are two newbies doing our best to teach 3 classes of 5-9 students, 7-13 yr olds. The basics, kicking, gliding, rhythmic breathing, floating, front crawl, etc. I have to say I am really enjoying it and love the other teacher. She is organized and focused, just like me and it is great, as if we are on the same brain wave!

The water is a cool 79 degrees, everyday filled in each morning from the Artesian Aquifer . The greatest thing for me, is that it reminds me of a lake. There are a couple of small lakes that I swam in growing up. I love swimming in a lakes because the water doesn't sting your eyes, or irritate freshly shaven legs. Maybe it is my comfort zone or what I was used to, but lakes where plentiful growing up and I do prefer them to oceans.

This pool is quite amazing. The Venetian Pool has been used in movies and used to be a hang out for movie stars back in the day.

More importantly, at the end of our morning, the boys and I are allowed a free swim before the public is allowed entrance. At this time, each of the boys demonstrate their newly acquired skills and just in a few days, they have improved greatly! I have a feeling, that L will be in my class sooner than later! How cool is that?

Following the Beat of my own Drummer!

2009-06-07T13:00:00.003-04:00

In an email sent last week, I noticed something sort of funny in my closing remarks. The point of the email was to reiterate to an old friend, that I have always been my own woman and followed the beat of my own drummer. Then I had a laugh at what I just typed as mystikman is a drummer! How hilarious I thought. I went out and not only used the colloquial phrase, but I did it, I found my own drummer!

It seems we may have very well made another drummer in the process! V is an avid drummer, beating on all things solid making noise. He has been infatuated with drum sticks and right this moment, I caught a glimpse of him drumming on the chair.

Earth Mother Goddess Day!

2009-06-05T12:24:00.003-04:00

Today is Earth Mother Goddess Day! Let's celebrate Mother Earth and all she provides, day and night. She is the Cosmic Mother that nurtures us.