Right now I am dealing with the financial stress. Truly I am trying to release the financial crap and I was doing so well, but you know what it doesn’t just go away! I don’t have parents to bail me out, I don't have a trust fund, an inheritance stocks that will be cashed out at my expense. I never have and it hurts. I don’t want my children to ever know this feeling. I really hate it, I mean I hate it.
Where is Oprah when you need her Dream truck of wishes come true? I will never forget the woman who wanted all of her debt to be gone. Oprah made it go away! I must be delusional, because I really want someone to take it all away and give me a fresh start. For once I would like to be free of debt. It makes me crazy, to here my in-laws talking about how they were able to save their wedding money and put it to a nest egg. My wedding money paid for my wedding. It makes me crazy to hear them talk about having a down payment from their parents. We had no down payment for our house. We took out credit. It makes me crazy to hear how they amassed equity out of their house, well duh, if you have a down payment you have equity! It makes me crazy to hear you apply that equity after the sale and move up in buying your next house... well duh! If I had a starting nest egg, down payment do you think I would have this problem? I never had that! Never had that life situation to be given an edge, to be given a chance. No my parents taught me about debt, this is all I know and I hate it!!! I was never taught how to save, even though I know how to do it, I never had the opportunity to do it. Everything I do is on credit! I hate that! I hate it. I am struggling here and I hate it. My husband is freaking out because he never lived like this before. I have brought him down. I am a liability. What a loser I am. Oh bother, where is Oprah when you need her?
Me again, just venting,
25 July, 2007
23 July, 2007
Hitting an epiphany, ouch!
Returning, circling back, taking a step back, actually all of it and more are mere thoughts on reflecting. This past weekend, I "celebrated" a mild milestone birthday. It seems that my birthdays have turned out to be busts for quite some time. I guess my expectation around the "event", as if I was being turned out for something, are too high for those around me. Is it too much to want some pampering? Pampering, I am not talking about high dollar items, but small things, as in delicious food, cake or something decadent and unusual, cards, phone calls, and a special outing or plan. Now having a chef husband you would think that the eating part of my day would be covered. Phone calls or cards, come on is that asking too much? Did you see me mention any gifts? NO! I would rather enjoy those small little touches from those around me.
The biggest pet peeve around special days is the lack of planning. For some odd reason, I have to be the one who plans my mother's day, or my birthday. From the menu to the day's events to the gift. It is quite annoying and leaves me feeling taking for granted.
I take the extra time to plan a menu and the day's events. I take the time to select the right gift for that person, you know something they would like, not necessarily me. I take the time to coordinate the others invovled so there is cohesion throughout the day. I decorated my son's door, so when he woke up, he would see an extra special something.
A couple of my best birthdays, were spent with people who were just getting to know me. The first was in Italy whilst studying there for a summer. I awoke to a door full of well wishes, or Tanti Auguri. There was an elaborate plan to obtain a cake that arrived via a vespa and many close calls into some narrow streets. There were toasts of grappa and lots of birthday cheer. As I had no real idea on the eleborate plans, it was so refreshing and endearing to think these people really spent some time to make my birthday special. How blessed I was. I still maintain a dear friendship with one of the party coordinators.
Another birthday was spent in Mexico. I was staying with a family there one summer. They decided to share their version of birthday festivity and held one massive house party. Complete with cake, food and drink. I also learned that the honored one, typically had their face in the cake at some point after the traditional singing was over. I forgot to mention the days before that birthday, we spent out at a vacation resort enjoying the town and touring its famous history.
In stark contrast, when I turned 30, it was 2 weeks after I delivered my first child. 30 was a huge birthday for me and the fact I had crazed hormones rushing around while packing on the residual baby weight, didn't help me forget the fact I was turning 30! My husband didn't even bother to purchase me something momentous, I actually selected the item. We ordered take out Chinese, something we did frequently, so again, "not" special and sat in front of the TV. YIPPIE, I WAS 30!
This past birthday, there was an attempt by my husband to make the day special, but when he asked me what I wanted to do and then proceed to wait for me to decide, well this is where I get turned off. Additionally, my parent's offered to watch the boys for us, but didn't really say when they would watch them, or how it was to happen. Here I was the day after my birthday, making the plans and coordinating everyone into action.
For my big 40th, well I think it best, if I just do my own thing. This way, I will have it planned exactly as it needs to be so I am able to enjoy it. It seems those closest to me really don't pay that much attention to what I like or how I like it. Really is this too much to expect?
I am trying very hard to just move on and leave it in the past. Actually, when they say it is just another number, boy it truly feels that way. It is nothing special in the least. Is this why people say it is just another number? It very well could be that once you hit a certain age, you are not allowed to be treated special or to have too much fun on your birthday. Possibly, having door decorations is too much for a 47 year old? Well I say, phooey! All birthdays are special. This was the day we chose to embrace this existence and we all need to say, happy day to you!
The biggest pet peeve around special days is the lack of planning. For some odd reason, I have to be the one who plans my mother's day, or my birthday. From the menu to the day's events to the gift. It is quite annoying and leaves me feeling taking for granted.
I take the extra time to plan a menu and the day's events. I take the time to select the right gift for that person, you know something they would like, not necessarily me. I take the time to coordinate the others invovled so there is cohesion throughout the day. I decorated my son's door, so when he woke up, he would see an extra special something.
A couple of my best birthdays, were spent with people who were just getting to know me. The first was in Italy whilst studying there for a summer. I awoke to a door full of well wishes, or Tanti Auguri. There was an elaborate plan to obtain a cake that arrived via a vespa and many close calls into some narrow streets. There were toasts of grappa and lots of birthday cheer. As I had no real idea on the eleborate plans, it was so refreshing and endearing to think these people really spent some time to make my birthday special. How blessed I was. I still maintain a dear friendship with one of the party coordinators.
Another birthday was spent in Mexico. I was staying with a family there one summer. They decided to share their version of birthday festivity and held one massive house party. Complete with cake, food and drink. I also learned that the honored one, typically had their face in the cake at some point after the traditional singing was over. I forgot to mention the days before that birthday, we spent out at a vacation resort enjoying the town and touring its famous history.
In stark contrast, when I turned 30, it was 2 weeks after I delivered my first child. 30 was a huge birthday for me and the fact I had crazed hormones rushing around while packing on the residual baby weight, didn't help me forget the fact I was turning 30! My husband didn't even bother to purchase me something momentous, I actually selected the item. We ordered take out Chinese, something we did frequently, so again, "not" special and sat in front of the TV. YIPPIE, I WAS 30!
This past birthday, there was an attempt by my husband to make the day special, but when he asked me what I wanted to do and then proceed to wait for me to decide, well this is where I get turned off. Additionally, my parent's offered to watch the boys for us, but didn't really say when they would watch them, or how it was to happen. Here I was the day after my birthday, making the plans and coordinating everyone into action.
For my big 40th, well I think it best, if I just do my own thing. This way, I will have it planned exactly as it needs to be so I am able to enjoy it. It seems those closest to me really don't pay that much attention to what I like or how I like it. Really is this too much to expect?
I am trying very hard to just move on and leave it in the past. Actually, when they say it is just another number, boy it truly feels that way. It is nothing special in the least. Is this why people say it is just another number? It very well could be that once you hit a certain age, you are not allowed to be treated special or to have too much fun on your birthday. Possibly, having door decorations is too much for a 47 year old? Well I say, phooey! All birthdays are special. This was the day we chose to embrace this existence and we all need to say, happy day to you!
16 February, 2006
Welcome Back
Its been forever and a day since my last posting. Much has happened since the last time my fingers graced this keyboard. I have officially entered into a family business built on the fuzzy little backs of Alpacas! If you are interested in learning more about these peaceful creatures, please take a look at our website www.alpacanation.com/mystikkeys.asp.
The family really has come together to make this happen. We all have decided on a name, Mystik Keys, a general color scheme, logo, vision for the business and we even purchased our foundation herd. Now the real hard work is about to begin... marketing, marketing, marketing. This is where business make it or break it as far as I am concerned. Most of the business will fall on my shoulders for now. I am a little overwhelmed to say the least.
It helps to know that we are going slow and taking the lead from a very successful farm. To imagine starting a business from scratch and by the way still being mommy, wife, household manager and general citizen for the world, well again overwhelming is the word of the day!
I am going to sign off and catch ER and Sex in the City reruns. This has been my guilty pleasure these days. Ciao tutti!
The family really has come together to make this happen. We all have decided on a name, Mystik Keys, a general color scheme, logo, vision for the business and we even purchased our foundation herd. Now the real hard work is about to begin... marketing, marketing, marketing. This is where business make it or break it as far as I am concerned. Most of the business will fall on my shoulders for now. I am a little overwhelmed to say the least.
It helps to know that we are going slow and taking the lead from a very successful farm. To imagine starting a business from scratch and by the way still being mommy, wife, household manager and general citizen for the world, well again overwhelming is the word of the day!
I am going to sign off and catch ER and Sex in the City reruns. This has been my guilty pleasure these days. Ciao tutti!
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