29 April, 2010

Restlessness

So, we are still waiting for a decision on this potential promotion.  In the meantime, mystikman has applied for a couple of other positions and has some prescreening interviews to follow up on. 

I have been a ball of anxiety, ebbs and flows.  I feel the energy when I feel it and take advantage of that push.  But then, it fades into the distance as soon as it comes on me and I feel stuck.  It is as if I have become energetically paralyzed. 

There are so many things that could fill up my time, but I am choosing to procrastinate and let the pressure build on me.  Of course this isn't healthy, but it is how I am feeling these past 2 weeks.  There seems to be so much swirling around I am not certain how to stop the swirling. 

It seems we need to be pushed in order to produce, at least I feel this way at this moment.  Tryign to push from within, is the hard part for me right now, as I just am overwhelmed with what our life is going to look like.  There are so many new developments but in time they will be revealed. 

RESTLESSNESS.....

25 April, 2010

Homeschool Reflections

In light of the fact we don't know whether or not we are moving, I have been reflecting on this journey called homeschool.  Afterall, one of the valuable lessons I have learned, has been this idea is more than schooling or teaching.  This is a journey into the family you are becoming and the daily interactions of relationship. 

When you choose to homeschool, you are faced with curriculum, rules and regulations as they pertain to your state, supplies, enrichment groups, park days, schedules, house management alongside school time and other logistical considerations.  The parts not so easily understood or mentioned are how your relationships will be challenged or what this will say about the kind of family you are. 

There are so many preparations needed in order to homeschool and with a plethora of choices, it is very hard to decide on what direction you are going to go.  So when you need to find the basics, you tend to forget about the intangible things, like the family bond.  I ceratinly didn't ask myself what kind of family are we?  How do we interact with each other daily?  What are are rules for respect and honor?  How do we treat each other when things are good and when things are sour?  What does our environment say about us?  How does it affect us, our mood, our concentration?  Do we allow for individuality or is there a conformity to be in this little family?  How does our food choice build the necessary blocks for learning?  How do we make choices in our purchases and errands?  Does this trickle down to the children in their percecption of choice and responsiblity?

What is my responsibility as a mother, instructor and what are the boys' responsibilities?  What contributions will they contribute to this family and how will they do so?  Are we open enough to accept new ideas and new ways of doing routine tasks?  ARe we flexible, do we want truth and real change? 

Certainly all of these considerations are thought of along they way, in terms of what we envision and have mostly driven those who homeschool to the homeschool choice.  But how do we actually map these questions out and answer them?  These answers have been availing themselves these past 6 months.  Every answer has shown itself in subtle ways. 

The homeschool journey has taught this family much more than what many would imagine.  I love how it has brought us closer together and made us really see each person for what and who they are.  We are forced to be in each other's space daily.  When we are up and when we are down, we are together and we deal with all the emotions that are present.  We work through it and move forward with greater understanding. 

These are lessons not learned in classrooms, because you are not given enough time to really process or dig deep.  When you are at work and your child is sitting in a classroom, this connection is not present. 

As mystikman is not able to leave his job and be with us, he misses out on this aspect.  But I think he is just so proud to be the one who provides for his family to have this growth opportunity. 

This is not to say this journey is not met with opposition.  It is, from many different sources, external and internal.  This is a path few choose.  We all have to make the choices that best suit our needs and for some it isn't this path.  That is okay.  You will discover your learning journey to be something different and what you needed. 

I just never anticipated my journey to lead me here to be forced to deal with things in this manner and depth I didn't know existed.  This is the reflection today, tomorrow it will change, as this is another aspect I have learned.  No day is the same, no lesson repeated. 

21 April, 2010

Waiting

We are waiting for a decision that will change the course of our lives and I am running out of patience!  Mystikman has applied for a promotion in Ohio.  The decision is to be made this week.  As this move posed many feelings and decision about whether or not it was the right choice, we both have come to welcome the opportunity.

It has taken us many dialogues to get to this point, but we are ready for the move, the change and the new way of life.  Well maybe a return to some of the old way, but we really aren't looking at it in those terms.  All changes are opportunities of growth, even if that means returning to a place in our past. 

We would return to Ohio, yes.  But we would be starting a new path.  A new home, a new job, a new location, new network of homeschoolers, new appreciation for the 4 seasons, and new goals.   Some of these goals, include a second car, saving money, taking mini trips to Niagara Falls, the family cabin, New York, Columbus, Cedar Point etc.  We want to just live and experience all aspects so we feel like we took full advantage of our resources. 

My extended family is mostly in the area, but it doesn't necessetate an obligation to mingle.  In fact, there really is no need to treat them or for them to treat me any differently than what we do right now.  Which is about nothing, just to be clear.  I don't want to sound calus, but when you don't share much in common beyond a familiar bloodline is there really a need to mingle?  Better put, is there a need to expose my children to lifestyle choices that are in direct opposition to our values?  Should we encourage a family bond with people that continually make choices that are not ideal, all the while inferring that these choices are okay, because we hang out and act as if everything is hunky dory, in the name of family? 

I am not one to do just because... afterall I have broken many family cycles of bad behaviour and harmful actions.  I choose to live according to my ideals.  This allows me to go to sleep at night with a clear conciouse.  This is necessary for inner peace. 

Living on this Island Paradise has helped me define what it is our family stands for, our nuclear family that is.  We have grown tremendously and learned so many important lessons about our strength.  I am not willing and mystikman is not willing to let any of that go in the name of a bloodline.  No we choose our lives and we choose our circumstances.  We are choosing healthy relationships and choices.  We are choosing for the best possible outcome. 

Until the phone call comes... we wait. 

18 April, 2010

Advanced Palettes!

Okay the amazing journey continues into the realm of what my boys eat.  I have come across many a parent that claims their child is not a picky eater.  But does that child eat, oysters, sushi rolls, edamame, artichokes, asparagus, smoked salmon, kale, seaweed salad or how about chicken feet? 

In the past 2 days, all of these items were gobbled up by my youngest and my oldest ate it all but the chicken feet.  I don't blame him, it was a little out there for me too! 

You know, my children eat a wider variety of foods than when I was a child or mystikman for that matter.  We have always made the same food for them as we did for us and even though they may not have wanted to try something new, they were always told at least one bite.  Also we have them repeat the try another time, just in case their tastebuds have changed. 

I can say confidently, my children are great eaters and they are not picky of finicky.  I can send them out in the world and it doesn't matter where they land, they will eat.  As parents whose lives revolve around food, we are both very proud to have allowed for this amazing outcome. 

We wish you all better dinners with your children!

16 April, 2010

Oysters!

V likes them!  HA!  A 5 year old boy likes the taste of a smoked oyster in a can, unbelievable.  Mystikman and I are raising great eaters with expanded pallets for sure! 

When Nonna and Papa were here, L tried the raw oysters, to find they weren't so great.  But just to be sure, he tried them again with the cocktail sauce and lemon on it.  This time we decided they were okay, but he didn't want anymore. 

Today L declared the raw was better than the smoked ones in the can.  I happen to agree, the raw ones if super fresh, are terrific! 

What are you eating today?

11 April, 2010

Spending Time with Nonna and Papa

Nonna and Papa are in town visiting.  This would be my parents, we call my mom, nonna, for the Italian Grandma and my dad, papa for an abbreviated Hungarian Grandpa. 

They were able to spend Easter with us, which made L, so happy!  We went to church, ate a wonderful Brunch, rested, and then had an evening meal with some friends.  The following day was at the beach, and we had our Easter Egg Hunt.  Papa looks a little stripped as he put sunscreen in certain parts and not others... obviously!

Tuesday we went to Deering Estate for our weekly science class.  The boys created their own ancient civilizations and then we went exploring for an airboat alligator ride.  We found one and really enjoyed ourselves!  I highly recommend taking an airboat at least once in your life. 

Wednesday all three boys took a fishing trip off of Islamorada.  Nonna and I declined, we are not into fishing for 4 hours out in the ocean.  The boys were very excited as they left the dock.  Upon returning, well their faces told a different story.  It seems half of the boat caught the Pukka Fish... and lost their breakfasts overboard!  Not all was lost, 9 real fish were caught.  I think the lure of fishing has lost some of its attraction. 

Thursday we were on the beach again, trying to even out this striped sunburned skin!  Then we ate our lovely 9 fish in the evening.

Friday was putt putt.  We drove out to find a cute little art fair, walked about, played some putt putt and then found dinner at the Crab House.  Lovely views, food kinda 80's style, could have been better meal.  At least for the money it should have been out of this world!

Saturday we went for a nice stroll, Dim Sum for lunch and then to the Youth Fair.  The boys entered their hand sewing projects in the fair, so we went to see how well they did.  I was told by a parent that most of the entries never place, but you receive free tickets so it is worth the effort.  Upon entering the section, I saw puffed up on the table, L's stuffed bunny.  My heart leaped for joy, because it meant he placed.  Not only did he place, but he received a Blue Ribbon, 1st Place!  Then I scanned the other table to find V's little sewing/needle book.  He also placed 1st for his category.  What a proud parent moment and they were beaming from ear to ear as they stood for their picture. 

We played Elvisopoly in the evening and for all the years I have played with my father, I have never won, at least I don't recall, maybe once?  Well leave it to my boys to do the deed for me!  L won and cleaned Papa out!  V came in second, me third and Papa dead last!  What a coo! 

Sunday, well today we went to church, then took a lazy day to just sit around and do really nothing.  After our full week, it was nice to just be still.  Plus the weather was not so Beachy!  Tomorrow we will see how the sun peaks out and if we can catch some warm rays! 

The boys have completely warmed up to Nonna and Papa and I think will be sad when they leave.  We haven't seen them since last August, so this visit was long overdue! 

Hope your week was enjoyable and memorable! 

04 April, 2010

EASTER!

Alleluia!  Today is a glorious day!  The sun is shining, our bellies are full from Easter Brunch and the boys are in heaven with their Nonna and Papa here.  The house smells of Sauce for the Ravioli and Ricotta Cheesecake. 

All in all, we are working through our focus, discipline issues and I am grateful for all of the advice given.  Mystikman and I are working through this.  L is just a very passionate little guy, with a clear vision of what he is about.  I cherish this for the long run, but find it frustrating in the short term.  We are taking this one day at a time and hope for great days every morning we wake. 

With Easter upon us, let's say rebirth, renewal, love and life going forward!  May we all find the newness we need with this wonderfully fresh new season! 

02 April, 2010

When they disobey again and again..

My oldest, L, has been making the wrong choices all day.  When he is supposed to focus on one task, a task he has been performing for over a year, he is distracted, not once, but several times.  When I take away a toy, requiring him to earn it back, he still finds a way to not listen, and becomes distracted again and again.

He has this tendency to push all of my buttons, truly all of them.  Both of them are not allowed to play with mystikman's ipod or his phone.  Again and again we tell them there will be consequences to playing with these items.

A day that L has been on my very last nerve, instead of practicing his piano, he was hiding, playing his father's phone.  I am beyond what to do.  We take away privileges, we take away toys, we threaten to take more away, I ask him what is he going to do in order to make it up... NOTHING WORKS!

I am so disappointed in him and me.  I am beyond anger at this point.  I don't understand why he continues to make bad choices, time and time again.  I mean really, what is it?

When I was little I never wanted to be punished, as it meant the wooden paddle.  That was enough of a deterrent for me.  Not spanking in this house is such a challenge and I admit I slip now and then.  But I don't get it.  I don't understand why he continues to do things he knows will get him in trouble.

Today I took away a toy, had him figure out what he will do for me, took away another privilege of having a friend over, then took away the privilege to set up for Easter.  Just now I put some of his lesser toys in the garbage and growled my neck into soreness.  I am fed up with his choices, really fed up.  I ask kindly, I show him, I remind him to be focused... keep his nose in his own business and focus.  I am just so fed up.

Any suggestions out there?

01 April, 2010

Last Supper the Start of the 3 Days

Tonight I watched The Passion.  Every Lent, I try to do something that reminds me of the Passion of Christ.  Whether it be listening to a favorite childhood play, walking The Stations of the Cross or watching a movie of Christ's Passion, I want to put my brain, heart and spirit in the moment. 

Watching this movie, I see different aspects, feel certain emotions and realize new truths.  I watched Easa being scourged and witnessed beating.  Why are humans so apt to beat, hit, strike?  Why is it that we have this inside of us, under the surface?  Why is this the way in which we get out our anger, frustration or expression?  Why do we choose another human to receive such action? 

This made an impression on me and I pray that I am forgiven for all that I have done to those around me that weren't honorable.  I need to have Easa's Love in my life and his sacrafice is needed to cleanse my spirit.  I know this.  We all need to find our way, Easa is my way, the truth and the life. 

The start of the 3 days.... May this Easter Resurrection be a cleansing for us all, start anew, start with Love, Compassion, Honesty and Respect.