29 May, 2009

May Connections

This week I have enjoyed great conversation with 2 extremely wonderful friends! It was great! You know that was all I needed to feel full again. I rarely identify the need for others in my life. I have been one of those self sufficient types. However, this past month, I have felt as if there was something lacking and when I identified the source, I realized that I needed to be in touch with my friends. There is a special connection you make with a total stranger who becomes a friend.

I was able to connect with 2 amazing women in my life and listen to their struggles and triumphs. One friend lost her job, but she found her strength in the process. What a personal achievement! In light of her situation she was able to find the silver lining, talk it through, figure out an action plan and take the necessary steps to discover her new path. Deep down I know this change in her life will be a major turning point for her, but she will make it!

Another friend also had a turning point, she released a toxic relationship on her terms and took control of her life. Again, she found her strength and courage to own up to the toxins and make healthy choices. She is such a creative spirit and finally was able to find her muse.

I am blessed that both of these women found time to share their experience with me and allow me to be part of their realization process. Good friends, those who know you, love you, accept you, challenge you and support you are the best!

28 May, 2009

May Movies

This month mystikman and I took in two movies, Slumdog Millionaire and Vicky/Cristina Barcelona. Both movies reminded me of earlier times in my life. Each brought with it some escape, but clearly, there was a winner in my opinion on which one was better for me!

Slumdog Millionaire, reminded me of a past love. This brought forward all those dreams he and I had once. Mostly the cultural aspect, as he is Indian. I could see why the movie won best picture, but honestly, I didn't care for it at all. I hated seeing the children make it on their own, living in such poverty. I internalized, which I know I shouldn't have done, and thought about my boys being forced into somethng so terrible. All in all, it just made me feel yucky and unsettled. Of course the added layer of personal experience and memories didn't help!

Vicky/Cristina Barcelona was another film that brought back many memories, but this film was more comfortable for me. The scenery put me at ease instantly and the music was light, moving and pleasing. I found myself relating to both of the girls at one point or another and I laughed at how silly it all is, but ever so important at the moment. Love is difficult topic to tackle. But this movie hit many levels of its layers and I found it refreshing!

26 May, 2009

Muscle Memory.. May Musings

She passed me! I took a level 6 swim test via the Red Cross today. I had to swim 500 yards, multiple strokes continually. There were some dives, safety procedures, rescue strokes and turns. I completed them all and achieved the highest level of swim instruction for the 2nd time in my life, HA!

Guess those muscles of mine remember what to do after 10 years of not swimming on a regular basis. Muscle memory must also be the reason, I am not sore at all! After butterfly, one would think my shoulders would be hurting... nope. Must be doing it wrong? Nope, I passed after all.

Swimming is amazing and I am happy that I still have it.

24 May, 2009

May Makings

Making 1 - Organization
Okay so do you remember how I have this crazy desire to organize my filing cabinet and put all of those warranty/instruction manuals in order? Well today I did it! Finally after 7 years of wanting to do this, I did it! Talk about an overdue project!

I have one drawer left, but truth be told, it is mystikman's not mine. But I will organize it for him.

In the process I was able to open up one slot on my desk organizer, which was needed. All said and done, there were 3 bags of paper thrown out! Can you imagine, each time I moved, I was lugging around all that extra paper? Before the move here, I had 2 tubs full of paper to unload! Amazing all that stuff we haul around all the time.

Making 2 - Food

Tonight for dinner, I just happen to whip us some herbed spatzle. I found a technique and recipe that works terrific and the result is bounissimo! The boys love it and were walking around the house saying things like "You rock mommy" and "You are the best spatzle maker in the world"! To find a meal the boys love and will eat up at dinner is a great accomplishment.

Mixing the Batter simple simple recipe, 1/2c milk, 3 eggs, 1 1/2c flour S&P to taste, sprinkle in dill, lavender, beau monde, herbs d'Provence, or whatever herbs you like.

Put mixture in a spatzle maker, which I love, or pour through something with holds, like a colander/strainer.

There was a huge pile of Spatzle on his plate... notice they were eaten before the bratwurst and the boys LOVE bratwurst!

Hats off to my birthplace for inspiring my love of German Foods!

May Musing on Loneliness

Feeling a bit lonely these days. Actually the past couple of weeks, I realized that I was missing my friends. I miss talking to people that know me and we have a memory together. It seems we are all so very busy, family, work, social obligations, hobbies, routines etc. Of course this isn't helped by the simple fact, all of my friends live miles away! I mean miles!

Where most friends are down the block or a short drive away, mine span the country and an ocean or two. When friends gather and make plans for dinner, the movie, shopping, hanging out, well I just don't do that. Actually I haven't done that for quite some time. Last time that really happened was back in 1999. Since that time, I married and moved with mystikman. We moved there and then there and now here.

The most constant contact I have is with my family and I spent a good 2 years in turmoil because of that contact. It was harsh, cruel and not nurturing. Things have improved and the contact is not painful anymore.

But this doesn't take away that from time to time I miss my friends. I miss growing in conversation, dialogue what have you. The boys provide ample interaction and mystikman is good company, but there is something to be said for good friends.

I have made some new friends and look forward to growing these relationships, but where does that leave the old ones? We seem to be spreading out and walking away from each other.

Let me provide a visual...imagine me in the center with a handful of people walking away making a firework explosion pattern. All of my friends hail from different times of my life in different locations of my life. I honestly can say 2 people became friends of mine at the same time. They couldn't be more different and they are not really friends. They were only brought together via me. But the rest I found along my path, college, Urbino, Masters Degree, London, VISTA, (sorry still don't want to refer to this as AmeriCorps), NOLA, NY and now Miami.
All these different stops along they way, I made some really great friends that wanted to go in the same direction. Now we all have split up and taken a different route. Maybe I want to meet up again at a familiar train stop? Maybe that is all I need to feel connected again? I don't' know, but I am admitting, which I rarely do, that I miss my friends. I miss the laughter, the fun, the hugs, the serious talks, the exchange of ideas. Yes I miss the exchange.

Having said this, I love MystikMan! He is my constant my touchstone. I appreciate him, even when he pesters me!

23 May, 2009

Mystik Man Arrives

"Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.” – unknown

This is what mystikman emailed me yesterday. He has arrived!!!!!

22 May, 2009

Mystik Man and More May Musings

Okay so I am going to try this one out... instead of hubbie, which sounds a little strange coming from me, the anti nickname gal... I am going to move to mystikman. I was pondering how to keep all things Mystik and well, not certain how the easiest of adjectives escaped me... MAN, but it did.

Now if only I could find one for family... Mystik Family, Mystik Gang, Mystik..... well you see how I might be stumped on this one?

Update on the PC... VISTA is working great! Once I got the PC back to doing what I want it to do, all is fine. The printer is fantastic and finally it has found a home. Literally, it was in 4 different places before it found a home. I also cleared out one file drawer and have a nice bag full of paper in need of shredding. Mercury Retrograde strikes back.... the shredder is not working! UGH!

Has anyone actually taken the time to file all of those instruction, warranty information papers they get when they purchase something? I have another file drawer filled to capacity with stuff like that. Intentions were to catalog them, alpha order and 3 hole punch for the binder, you know "Home Maintenance" binder that every household should have... don't' have one?

Well off to organize something... or maybe color, I have really enjoyed this pattern of listening to L practice his piano while I sit and color beside him. Yeah coloring sounds better than organizing for the day. You could say it almost qualifies as one of those rainy days where you want to curl up on the couch and read a good book or take a nap....

18 May, 2009

More May Musings...

Well the musings this past week took me backwards. If you follow astrology, you are aware we are experiencing Mercury Retrograde. Mercury being the planet of communication, was moving backward and then goes forward again over the same path. Imagine taking a drive getting half way there, realizing you forgot something at home and having to go back, seeing the same scenery, then finally starting out once more, passing the things you already passed twice! During this period, we most likely will experience going over things that we thought were solid, several times. We may be forced to look at things in the past, as they come to the surface once more.

This is not bad, but it forces us to pay closer attention to detail and we should be patient with the process as there is reason for reanalysis.

This past week, I have been questioning some friendships. Not in terms of good or bad, but in terms of where do we go from here? It is basically, my thoughts alone on this, as the other parties are busy with their lives, but I am feeling a pulling away and I have to pay attention to my gut. We shall see where this leads.

My brakes blew out! In an effort to avoid an awful accident, I slammed on my breaks to blow the brake line wide open. Due to the Northern Rust, there were several weak spots. We were forced to take some time for repair, replacement and pause. Dealing with our Northern influence after all this time of being in the South.

I have been going through an intense swim training program in order to become a Teacher's Aide. This will provide me with some exercise and it allows my boys to receive free swim lessons all summer long! What a benefit! While focusing on my swim strokes, I am transported back to a time when I did swim frequently and quite frankly, I am good at this, really good! It has been nice to get in the water and go through all the strokes. Also it feels good to be demonstrating certain techniques for the rest of the class, as I am that good. Okay, I am not modest here, but really, I know my stuff in the water! I am reminded of my childhood days when I wanted to be a swim instructor, after all these years, I am real close!

Ever have a feeling and not know what it is? Suffering for an hour or so, I finally realize the awful pain inside my body was not a heart attack, but Heart Burn! It has been years, since I have last suffered from this awful pain. I took many tests and many pills to finally arrive at a place of being pain free! But this past week, I was in full flare up and didn't realize the pain I was having. Finally, it hit me and I just couldn't understand why on earth after all these 10 plus years I was having this again. Still don't know why, my body is bloated with heart burn pain...but it certainly took me back to those days to figure out what I did wrong this time.

Simple Mercury Retrograde Lesson...Never buy electronics or do anything technical! I did both, upgraded my entire computer system to VISTA... which took more than one go around and I bought a printer.. well two actually, but returned the first one. The printer we ended up keeping is still not installed and isn't at home on my desk yet. I have tried it in 2 positions thus far and still need to try another one!!!

Then there is this cough... that halts all activity now and then.

So you see, May has proved quite a month for me and we are only mid way through! Maybe I will try to use calm now to piece back all the pieces that were undone to find a different destination lies ahead!

10 May, 2009

Happy Mother's Day! Below is a piece on NPR regarding the work all day momma. I read this and felt immediately in sync. Maybe I am not waking at 6:30am, more like 7:30am, and I don't have the 2 yr old swinging around my neck, but make no mistake, I am a momma 24 hrs/day 7days/week. The job never ends and for the first time in my life, I found the work I love!

Simon Says
by Scott Simon

At My Place, Every Day Is Mother's DayWeekend Edition Saturday, May 9, 2009 · My wife doesn't work. She's a full-time mother. She luxuriates in bed until 6:30 a.m., when our 2-year-old chants, "Mama, Mama!" like some ancient war call, and she trudges into the kitchen with our baby on one shoulder to use her free hand to heat milk.

I stay in my office, writing, procrastinating and checking baseball scores until I need another cup of coffee.

My wife tries to go to the bathroom. Our 2-year-old clings to her knees. Using a bathroom with a 2-year-old on your lap should be a rodeo event.

Our 6-year-old gets up and chirps, "Mama! Mama!" My wife holds our 2-year-old in one arm, our 6-year-old with the other, and heats up more milk with her third hand.

I come into the kitchen for more coffee.

She dresses our daughters. It's like trying to put tuxedo shirts on two squiggling ferrets. My wife walks our daughters 10 blocks to kindergarten, but it takes half an hour because our girls won't step on cracks, stop to look in every window and stomp in every puddle. She has to pull them along like sacks of nails.

When she gets back to our apartment, my wife can finally relax. She does laundry; pays bills; stays on hold with the credit card, Internet and phone companies for 45 minutes because the bill is wrong, while our 2-year-old swings from her neck like a chimp; resets the wireless service; changes diapers and light bulbs; buys food; picks up toys; cleans the fish bowl and hermit crab habitat; organizes closets; cleans what our cat coughs up; schleps to the storage locker; tries to take a shower but can't because our 2-year-old can't find her stuffed dog; picks up our 6-year-old from school and takes her to ballet; makes three meals and innumerable snacks; calls our mothers and sends them photos of their grandchildren; and wipes up milk, water and diaper spills the way Red Adair put out oil fires.

I help by calling my wife a couple of times a day to tell her how busy I am and ask, "Um, darling, can you find my red socks?"

She has four minutes a day to herself and eats only Cheerios that fall on the floor. She works 15 hours a day with no breaks or mandated meals, 365 days a year with no real vacations. Our daughters feel free to cough up and sneeze things into her hands. If Samuel Gompers heard about my wife's working conditions, he'd say, "Organize and fight!"

Instead, she knows that in these times it's a gift to be able to be a full-time mother. You know: just to be home with the kids.

08 May, 2009

Happy Musings, Happy Thoughts!

This week has been a happy one for me. For the first time since I can remember, I am actually saying these words... "I am happy"! Hubbie laughed out loud upon hearing utter these simple words. Yes, I may not be the poster child for happiness, but lately, I am at peace with my life.

Yes I realize that happiness is within me and I am not ruined from experiencing this emotion. Childhood trauma's really wreak havoc on any shot at believing anything good can come to you!

Life is good, solid and stable. I get all of the life lessons and try to put the connections together quicker, sooner, better etc. I feel confident and again, the peace that surrounds me puts me at ease. I love how I feel and even though I can conjure up a list of "things could be better this way or that...", I really don't have to even go there.

I am living as organically as possible and in every sense of the word. I am making things... foods, clothes, crafts, gifts, etc. I am loving my hubbie and our dialogues and laughter. The boys fill me with challenges, but I understand this keeps me honest and I need that, we all do. So I accept it and love it. I am grateful everyday and just love the life I have right now.

Dare I say it again... I AM HAPPY!!!

02 May, 2009

World Labyrinth Day

Here we are walking the Labyrinth... 1:02pm EST.

The boys got in on the prayer and earned credit for religion.

On overwhelming sense of calm washing over me, as I walked on my path. I wondered how many times before I walked this path in different bodies, different locations, different circumstances. It was nice to do this and having the entire Labyrinth to ourselves was also kind of nice.

May 2nd.. Musings

I think may should be my Musings Month! Every post will be a musing... or amusing pending how your sense of humor is....

1. Hello to all the new readers and I do enjoy your comments! When I started this blog a while ago... see 2005, I didn't want any readers, as I just wanted a place to be open and creative. But as the years passed and I became more involved in my blog and others', I looked for comments on my posts. I wanted to connect and see what others are doing in their lives. Maybe I would even find some new friends that were of similar interests? My friend Ally has found some great friends via blogging and so I thought I would give it a try.

2. Today is Free Comic Book Day. Click here to find a store near you! If the boys have good choices today, we will go!

3. Today is also World Labyrinth Day. At 1pm, people around the world will be walking in a Labyrinth. How exciting! After this post we are on our way to the nearest Labyrinth, done in in the Chartres Style... which has much significance for me. Read anything I posted on Mary Magdalene and you will start to see the fuller picture. Find your Local Labyrinth here.

4. Today is also a day our Downtown Miami Library is holding a special event. We will go there after the Labyrinth.

5. A new friend called me today and after the call was over, I realized another gift I have. I am a counselor of sorts. She called with a problem, spiritual reality turned to some personal tragedy. After the call, she didn't stop saying thank you. I thought that was strange I didn't do anything really. But when I thought about it, I did. I shared my tragedy. Okay a couple of them. We all have them. It is our story, the stuff that makes us, us. I shared because I wanted her to see that through some good clear focus, you can arrive at a really good place. It doesn't matter the "ick" we go through. It matters what we do with the "ick". So I shared piece of my "ick" and she stopped to say, wow. I think she took a moment to be thankful my "ick", wasn't hers. I shared my story... maybe soon, I will share it here....