Preparations

We are preparing our home today.  There is cleaning, menu planning, grocery lists being made and laundry to do.

Monday will be our Alternative Thanksgiving Dinner.  There are some friends coming and some family, what little family we have here.  As this will be our only Thanksgiving Dinner, the offerings are a bit more traditional.

Here is what we are having...

Alternative Thanksgiving Menu

Pear Rumba

Pate, Cheese and Olive Selection

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Wine

Herb Roasted Turkey

Pan Gravy

Cranberry Relish

Sausage Apple Dressing

Collard Greens

Corn Pudding

Orange Scented Rolls

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Apple Cranberry Pie

Pumpkin Pie

Cinnamon Ice Cream

Roasted Chestnuts

Coffee and Cordials

CRACKED...Part II

Water was sucked up and we started the process of drying out.  However, this is where things started to get tangled which leads to the CRACKED up part. 

There was a ton of laundry involved in this water mess.  I needed professional help to clean all of my items, as they took on all that water and started to stink!  The building's attempt to rectify all of these issues fell short, really short. 

I was told to have my laundry taken to a cleaner and that I would be reimbursed.  I was told there were be a cleaning service to clean the dirty damage along with a credit for my electric.  Stanley STeamer would come out again and clean my rugs too. 

Well none of that happened.  We still have items on our table from the incident.  My landlady did say to take off the laundry bill from rent, (tears where in my eyes as I read her email saying she would take care of this item for us...).  However, the rest of it, untouched and denied in terms of doing anything.

I was told by the building assoc. member to move if I didn't like her answers and when I said well you lied to me in saying all of this woudl be taken care of, she just said, oh well I am a volunteer. 

After this .... I CRACKED! 

What do I mean?  I mean that for the past 6 months, I have started to appreciate my present living situation for what it is.  I started to live in the moment, not for the future and enjoy my life.  I started saying I was happy with our lives and realized we were living a good life.  Solid, strong and happy existence was an achievement.  

All of it went away and I was back to the woman I was of yesterday... a complainer and critic! 

I started spewing my rants like sewage water!
I was done with apartment living, I never liked it!  Hated relying on people that are unreliable.  I wanted my own house, a bathtub, a garage, I want grass my own grass, my own yard, I didn't want to share any elevators with anyone anymore!  I don't want a dinky mail slot that doesn't even hold a magazine so I have to wait for the glorified janitor to give me the rest of my mail.... I don't want to have limited guests over because there are no parking spaces available... I don't want to live in fear of hurricanes, I don't want eternal summer, I LIKE, LOVE snow!  I am ready to move and I want out NOW! 

There was much more to the rant, but suffice to say, I was reminded by the Universe to not get too comfy, because at the end of the day, this isn't my ideal.  And yes, there are ideals that can be acheived on this planet.  For example.... don't like red ants or large palmetto bugs... move north!  You can leave your issues behind!  Dont like hurricanes, move inland!  Don't care for palm trees that drop coconus like bombs to knock you out if you are underneath???(yes folks it does happen and will cause damage, severe damage), then move north.  I actually change my driving patterns when the coconuts are in season, so I don't drive under a tree to damage my car. 

The things I don't like here, are all remedied by a move north/west of here by about 7 hours.  to rid myself of above mentioned bugs... then another 10 hours.  Ideal city/local...

ASHEVILLE, NC.  This is it, for me.  In the USA this one spot is soemthing of a nirvana for me.  I love it, just LOVE it.  There are other places that would work, but this one spot is just so comfortable and lovely. 

The CRACKED part, well it was me not living in peace and I didn't like it.  I didn't like the ugly me, complaining and such.  It felt uncomfortable.  I am starting to get back on track and live on my terms again, but I do know what I need to do.  I need to not settle for this place.  IT may be an Island Paradise for some... but it isn't mine.  I prefer different things. 

There are people who take vacations to the carribean... there are people who take vacations to Europe... I am the latter and am just fine saying so. 

I will live here as long as we need to, but realize there is another move or two or three ahead of us.  I will not start envisioning buying a home here, as this is not where our home is to be long term.  Next year is another opportunity for a move and we will hold on until then. 

For now, we will continue the long extended vacation we are having here and learn what we can from this place in order to before for the next place.

Water Water Everywhere...I CRACKED! Part 1

I would have to say moving to Florida, albeit something never dreamed of, has been a blessing.  In many ways, we have grown as a family unit.  The four of us came together in support, love, and togetherness. 

When you are challenged with a move, new job, new city, new friends, new way of schooling, new growing seasons, new foods, new languages, new home, you find your strengths and weaknesses quickly.  We all found new ways of coping and adapting to this new environment and life pattern.  All in all we emerged better for the experiences and continue to find new joys with each day. 

I have even started to realize that life is for living today.  Gone are the days of planning for my life to start.  I get it, my life already started... @#$ many years ago.  There were many talks with family, friends, therapist and self to get my head in the game.  It all came together when I moved onto this "Island Paradise". 

Gratitude and awareness where my daily affirmations.  I was happy, I actually commented that I was happy!  Me the critic, the one who has seen better, tasted better, lived better, etc.   I was happy and content to live here and enjoy the life that is offered here.  I let go of wanting a bathtub, a garage, a pest free yard-(read no red ants here), 3rd bedroom, full dry basement, porch, larger kitchen with storage, my own appliances, trees with leaves that change colors in the fall, FALL, having a Trader Joes close by, being a days car ride from both sides of the family, lower cost of living, ants that don't reside in my car, (which are not proved by food bits, because we don't eat in our car), the ability to open all the windows in the house and have a cross breeze, the ability to have our own free standing home without neglectful people living above, beside or across the hall from you, the ability to line dry my clothing outside, yeah yeah you get the idea here...

Until last monday, Nov 2nd.....

A couple of floors up, one of the units decided to do a bathroom remodel.  They hired approved, trained, contractors with insurance to do a professional job.  V went to use the bathroom, only to find it flooded with water.  Water was rushing out of the AC vent in the ceiling.  Alarmed we grabbed the towels and started to create a dam.  Still needing to use the toilet, he went into the master to step in more standing water.  Okay, both bathrooms, master bedroom, storage closet and clothing closet were taking on water from the ceiling and AC Vents. 

All of our storage was on the floor, Collector Lionel Train Engines, Artwork waiting to be framed, furniture, seasonal items, tools etc.  My shoes were all on the floor along with 3 loads of laundry in need of washing, dry cleaning and laundry detergents etc.  The water ran towards the bed, where we have more storage items hidden underneath.  It soaked into the rug and at this point, I FREAKED!  No renter's insurance!  Call mystikman! 

Luckily he came rushing home to create a process of order and water removal.  After a couple of hours, we were able to get all the water up and out.  We tried to salvage what we could and move items to "dry land". 

Stanley Steamer arrived and started the process of drying out the building.  High powered fans blew on the walls, large hummidifiers where plugged in.  They were plugged into my electrical sockets, using my energy...and this was done at midnight... and these machines were in our bedroom... and they are NOISY!  at least the water stopped and no one was coming into our unit anymore... 1 am, we finally were able to lock the doors and go to sleep. 

Halloween

We are preparing for Halloween, Holy Eve, or Samhain.  This is a fun, festive time for our household, as we put out the fall decorations and prepare for the night of tricks and treats. 

Each year we hold an Ancestor Meal to honor those who have passed.  We create a fall meal filled with monsterous delight and say special prayers to our ancestors. 

This year we will celebrate with another family.  This is a first for us, as we have never celebrated with another family on this holiday.  The boys are looking forward to the evening, as I am.  What a treat to share a celebration of meaning and ceremony with like minded people. 

Truly this is the best way to start a new year, as many Wiccans refer to this special holiday. 

Our menu consists of Monster Meatloaf, Maggot Pumpkin Risotto, Shrunken Heads -Brussel Sprouts, Dead Man Finger Asparagus, Day of the Dead Cross Bone Bread, and bowls of tomato bloodshot eyes, Black Eye Ball Olives, Crooked Carrot Fingers and much more! 

The costume for the boys will be the Grim Reaper and a Prince.  I still haven't decided if I will dress up, but most likely I will wear the Horned God Mask as we honor him on this evening along with our Goddess Crone. 

I find this holiday a perfect blend of Old Wiccan Meets Christian Meaning.  It is important to me that the boys share and celebrate in a variety of belief systems, as it adds to their overall understanding of their world.  Why not celebrate the earth and her glory, along with the Saints and Souls?  As long as we learn to respect and celebration in healthy ritual, then all is well in my world.  Happy Halloween to all! 

Acceptance for the Journey

What is acceptance?  After many years of trying to define who and what I am...it appears that I am now in a different space than my family.  Raised in a very close family, including extended family members, the prevailing family value is that you always stick together.  Family is strong and is always there for you, in your business, helping you, when you need it and when you don't want it.  These bonds were tight and seemingly unbreakable. 

I admit to loving this aspect, but find it not so comfortable when family members hold beliefs that are not similar to mine.  If you follow my blog, you will know that I have also broken off these family ties in several ways. 

I no longer share a relationship with my father's family.  As they were the perpetrators of my youth, who abused me, mentally, sexually, and religously, I have found I am healthier to be apart from their physical space.

When I became a mother, I started to examine more family members and found I needed distance from my mother's side.  Not all, but there are more than a few that I would rather not share space with.  Their views, morals, decisions are not in line with mine and I find it hard to keep my mouth shut when challenged with somethign I deem inappropriate. 

People are people and we all follow different paths, no matter the upbringing.  Some of the most unlikey groupings can produce fruitful outcomes!  Just look at mystikman and me!  We really share nothing in common, but have found love in each other that is strong and gentle.

So who is to say where we belong when those we never knew can bring us much joy and comfort?

When we look back at our family members, are we to forever embrace them in our lives?  Or are we to accept them, as they are, for what they are and leave them be to live their lives on their terms?  This is the path I am currently taking, but make no mistake if their path and my path are not the same, then we go our seperate ways as this is the only way to have each person make their own journey.  Is it written that we need to be on the same journey?  I think not.  I am not willing to stop my journey and change direction for anyone.  I love my life and am blessed to be where I am with mystikman, L and V.  I welcome anyone who is on the same journey in our lives, but those who are not, need to go their own way.

Now the part of letting the judgments fall away is upon me....