28 February, 2008

Trying to Soak in the Rays...

I am currently at my in-laws tying this blog while our boys are trying to sleep on a sofa bed. We are in sunny Florida, but I have to say they just had their coldest night of the year last night. We came down with one pair of long pants, socks and a long sleeve shirt. Hopefully the weather will warm up and we can actually soak up the rays on our bodies instead of our faces only.

We just spent the weekend with friends in Columbus, Oh. It was nice to be in each other's space and be. It was also nice to see our boys, 3 in total, play, laugh and try to get along for the most part. Freak out that we are in this space as mommies sometimes.

My hubbie was on a job interview in New England. He returned on Monday with a promise of an offer letter. 3 days passed and we finally recieved a verbal offer. We are in the midst of sorting the details. Assuming all goes well, we are moving to the Boston Area in the coming months.

So we are hoping to soak in the rays, while we let the upcoming events soak in to our brains. There will be lots to come I am certain.

So to relocate or not... we are relocating!

18 February, 2008

Run Ins from the Past!

Yikes, I was confronted with my past today at a children's story hour to celebrate the Chinese New Year! I took both boys to a local Chinese Restaurant for a celebration of the New Year. As I had shared the information with my eldest's school, there were some of his classmates there. J is one of the classmates that I hear a ton about. The boy who taught mine to mouth and arm fart, the one who usually starts the goofing off, my son can't seem to ignore, and the one who likes to play shooting games etc. at school. I hear a lot about J and it is annoying that my son is so enamored by him.

So here we are, having fun, learning about the children's celebration etc., when J's father walks in, stands by me and then says, "Did you go to Cloverleaf?" (highschool)... "why?" I respond... "Because you look familiar". "Yes, I did" and from there, I learned he was the boy who transferred in as a Junior. Honestly, I didnt' remember him and truthfully, I try to avoid anything that reminds me of highschool and bad memories.

I don't believe we ever talked in highschool, but as we talked today, I learned he ran into a few people that I did know, one in particular that I really had a hard time with... Angie K. Ugh... I only dated two guys after she dated them and had to hear of Angie this and Angie that from two guys! What a drag I tell ya. To make matters worse, she was always trying to remain friends and in highschool that isn't cool! I never liked her. We were in the same drama, show choir etc. and at times competed for parts. I did win, but still she was there, a dark lurking girl, a year older, but still there.

I always liked that song by the Rolling Stones, Angie.. but it was never quite the same after I met Angie K. The rest of my afternoon/evening, I have been festering inside with anxiety. I really didn't have a bad highschool, but the pressures of being popular, making the grade, fitting it, well it was hard and there are scares. I relived some of it tonight and it is just sticking to me like glue. Ugh, I need to get rid of it!

HELP!!!

17 February, 2008

Change

Do you feel it in the air? Mercury is almost over...Yippie! Finally, we can make decisions and have our communications on track.

Feeling a little eager to get on with life. Good thoughts to the universe. Time for movement, positive movement, flow, ease, peace, financial abundance.

Love, Health, Happiness, Success, Bounty....

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Now playing: Fleetwood Mac - Gypsy
via FoxyTunes

14 February, 2008

Crafting and Going Green!

YEAH!!! I found the pattern I was looking for from another online crafter. A couple of weeks ago, I was browsing through a book from the library and found a pattern to make a mesh bag. The same type of mesh bag that one uses to put produce in at the grocery store. Thus the green part of this heading, in that the mesh bags will replace those plastic ones on the rolls at the market.

Unfortunately, I had to return the book to the library and when I was ready to make the bags, the book was checked out. Luckily, online I found the exact bag I was looking for. I am sooooo happy to have found this pattern and am very excited to get hooking! I even found some great nylon thread on clearance to use.

13 February, 2008

Creating, Reflecting and Loving!

I have been a daily admirer of the Soule Mama Blog. She has inspired me to find my inner creativity and let her out! You see, I secretly believe, that I am very creative and routinely have a thousand ideas a day. These ideas are small to large and complex to simple. I love to create and dream, but rarely put all of those thoughts to action. This has been my challenge this year, to put my head creations to actual creations.

There are a couple of projects that will be posted soon. I have a chair that I have upholstered, some fun magnets that my in laws will love, 2 scarves - one will be felted and a lap blanket.

I also have long term projects underway, a book about my life, yeah I know everyone has a story, but I truly do think my story may help many people get out from under the family incest, trained behaviours and get on with healing from the inside out. I also want to write a childrens book series, but that is not high on the priority list now.

Organizing is another project that I have started. Cutting up articles, recipes, resources etc from magazine and compiling them into a resource book of my own creation. Something I started to do, but have yet to complete. Did I ever tell you that I am certified in Reiki? I have been blessed by a wonderful person, to give treatments to people. You see I am just swimming with ideas, things to do, ways to organize myself etc.

I also am going to take on a blog project, the 30 days of pictures, or moments in time. Again, inspired by Soule Mama I want to capture my own life so I may better see how wonderful it is. I truly do know deep inside that I am blessed, even though there are situations that surround me not so pleasing. But when I take stock of what I have and who is around me, I know that I am lucky. There could have been a plethora of outcomes for a girl who suffered sexual abuse by her father's 5 4 sisters!!!! Then undergone routine religion bashing by her evil Grandmother. Just when it couldn't get worse, according to my dear grandmother, I was the lucky one, because God could have killed me just like he killed my sister! I was four mind you and my sister was 5 months who suffered from myoclonic seizures. But my Grandmother was convinced it was due to the religion difference between my parents, unequally yoked... that is what she would tell me.

Yes I am really blessed to have found my way, my husband/friend, my boys/angels, and the very dear friends who have seen me at all states of healing. I also count my mother's family as a blessing. As they are not perfect, they gave me a place to be when I was little. There was no crazy talk, no force fed pseudo baptist talk, no smelly incest play, no Italian bashing etc. They just let me laugh, play and be a little girl.

In an odd way, I must count my father's family as a blessing. Because of the life they exposed me to, I grew to be strong, determined, persistent, and driven to find my path. I am not certain who I would be without my past, but I most certainly know it is not one to repeat.

So here I am, blessed for being me and liking/loving me. I do have a good life, considering. I now work on those "situations" that need to be better. Again, more behaviours that I need to break. I find that some of my thoughts on life, have been so heavily influenced by my parents, that I need to find my own thoughts, void of their voice. It seems that their life lessons have become mine, becuase I wasn't aware I didn't need to inhert those. Working on those, but in the meantime, very happy with my life.

06 February, 2008

The Vote

Well, I am going to back Hillary Clinton for 2008. This is a huge step from someone who was never registered up until 4 years ago and look how that turned out! In any event, I am going to give it to the woman and see how it pans out. Of course there are issues to review and past performance to consider, but bottom line of me at this level is to vote my heart and this is where it is at. There is something about Barack that I just can't figure out. It bothers me that I get a lack luster pulse on him.

I follow the school of listening to your gut, so there you have it. Not very scientific, but it makes sense to me. There will be no way I will go Republican this fall. I just want the Democratic way of caring in the Whitehouse now. Who knows that might change in the future, but for now, I feel good about my decision.

01 February, 2008

Torn about the Vote

Just in case anyone reading my blog doesn't know... I will be voting Democrat all the way. I have enough governmental experience in my past to know my general feelings about life and values align more closely with the Democratic Party. Having said this, I am torn on who to vote for now that it seems Hillary or Barack will take the lead.

My main goal is to elect the candidate that will have the best chance at defeating the Republican Candidate. I am excited about both possibilities of having a minority as President so either Democrat will work for me. But which one will have the power to rule when it comes to November???

As a student of Diversity, I ask the following question... which minority is more likely to garner votes? Is a White Woman higher or lower than a Black Man? I am not wise enough to know that our uneducated voters will vote based on a "feeling" and most likely that "feeling" comes from years of programming about race, class, gender etc.

My gut wants me to vote for Hillary because she is strong, unwavering, is the only candidate that actually knows what it is like to be in the White House for 8 years... He back up support has already done the job and she will work very hard to prove all the nay sayers wrong. I also was told a long time ago, 1995ish to watch for her running ticket in 2008. It was fun to see her strategy this entire time. I too am a strong woman that has had to prove herself, struggle because of my sex. Maybe if a woman ran our country, that struggle would ease a bit?