29 January, 2009

Coming Full Circle with Therapy!

I am a Barbra Streisand fan. If you are too, then you may have a point of reference for the little story I will share today. There was a concert she did years ago and during an introduction for one of her many songs, she shared a couple of snippets from her "Doctor" days. Basically, making comments on all the various therapists one goes through in a lifetime. There is one particular moment when she comes to the idea that she is not ready to leave her therapist, but the therapist thinks it is time to move on.

This idea of not being ready to leave and wanting to go back for more and more therapy struck me odd. I have been in therapy on and off over the course of 18 years. There were years I was under no council, and then years where I went 1-2 a month. I had a handfull of therapists, trained professionals who were willing and being paid to listen to me, poke the thoughts out of me and at one point just sat and looked at me saying nothing!

My goal has always been to fix my problem and then move out in the world on my own. I thought I had this pattern finally fixed, because I certainly didn't identify with Barbra's not wanting to move on from her therapist idea.

However, after the birth of V, I was given a very strong dose of postpartum anxiety that revered its ugly head during breastfeeding. This is a rare condition that few new mothers experience. But I was one of those few that would get increased anxiety during breastfeeding. I found myself back in therapy needless to say.

V is now 4 and some months. Suffice it to say, I have been in therapy for 4 years with the same therapist and after my session this past Tuesday, I am amazed that we still have something to talk about. I am no longer exploring anxiety, but have come to an interesting part of therapy where we discuss personal development and spiritual growth. I have an internal thought, that it will stop when I leave a session with nothing, as in she didn't give me anything to eat so to speak. But once again, I left with different thoughts and ideas and angles. I am blessed to finally have arrived at this place in my development. My therapist and I gel, we really have an open relationship, one of trust and honor. I truly am grateful for such guidance and willingness to help me better myself.

Now I understand the idea that Barbra mentioned years ago, in not wanting to leave therapy. Not that I will one day leave, as it is we talk only once a month or once every 2 months. But the idea I have forged a meaningful relationship with a person whose vested interest is me.

20 January, 2009

Family Ties

This past weekend we celebrated a woman who lives for Tradition and her Italian Culture. There were so many reasons to be excited, but due to the family entanglements and differences of opinion, the mood was hard to find. I don't understand why families have to be so difficult! We were all raised in a similar vein and should know the expectations of our elders.

It is also hard to be around extended family members who were raised without the traditions. I found myself in a spat with a 3rd cousin 15 years younger than me. I didn't even know I was participating until just recently. Now with this knowledge it is bothering me on what my next course of action should be. I don't have much patience for disrespect or talking out of turn. I also have an extremely hard time relating to people who have NO, I MEAN ZERO direction! This girl is 19, no GED, fired from a dish washing job of 3 weeks and loves telling other people how to do things talking from some sort of authority, I can not figure out where in the world she thinks she got it from!

UGH UGH Ugh, is all I have to say at this point. A joyous occasion with a beginning and end of frustration and disgust. Why do we do this as humans? Is it lack of emotional education, low self esteem, fragmentation of family, lack of discipline for traditions, the softening of modern parenting? I just don't get it and I refuse to raise derelicts for tomorrow.

I pray every night to Saint Nicholas, the Protector of Children, that I raise 2 gentlemen for tomorrow. I also pray for the direction that I may provide my boys a sense of self worth, self esteem and grace to know when and how to use their beautiful voice. The chosen word is has power when delivered with insight and mindfulness. May I too be blessed with the grace to use my words carefully as I move forward.

16 January, 2009

From the Beach to the Tundra!

This past Tuesday, the boys and I went to the Beach. I sat, they played on the sand and in the water. Wednesday, we boarded 2 planes to finally arrive in Cleveland, Ohio for the next couple of weeks. The weather here has been everything we hoped for, cold so we are able to wear our sweaters, socks and mittens and snowy so we are able to make snowmen and snow angels. As the weather has been bitter cold, we have not gone outside yet, but plan on some play time tomorrow. It will be 22 degrees instead of 4.

We are here for my grandma's 80th birthday celebration. It will be nice to spend time with family, look back on a life worth celebrating and make memories along the way.

As the weather may be cold where you are, just think of the beauty of crunchy snow, snuggled warm under the blankets and the quiet that exits in winter... we are LOVING IT!

12 January, 2009

I went back to Ohio.....

Well not technically, we are packing up for 18 days in Ohio. The boys are thrilled to see some snow and use their sleds that we were forced to leave behind.

The struggle it seems is what will we be forced to pay for at the airport baggage check. Will they charge me to pay for a car seat? I know the carry-ons are free, but what about the car seats? UGH.... the sweaters, coats, snow pants, gloves, hats etc. take up an awful lot of space!

I am trying not to freak out about packing, but it is hard to see how this is all going to happen, me, and 2 small boys and lots of carry-ons! One luggage will be checked, but still all the other things that we need and the issue of not having spare money for checked luggage.

Well tomorrow I will see what we can downsize and then figure out how to rearrange. For now, the postings will be sparse, as I will be in transit and I will have to rely on others' internet access.

Wishing for that lovely white fluffy snow, smiles, great flights, sleeping boys on the plane and no charge for the car seat!

09 January, 2009

Walt Disney World!

We made it, all 3 days of walking, exploring, seeing and doing. It was really great to be there with my family. I had this picture in my head of how it would be to see Disney through the eyes of my boys. My first trip was at 4, which is the same age as my youngest, V. He didn't fair as well as I did. He was very whiny and created some frustration along the way. However, when he was happy, he was like a little elf with his Peter Pan hat on.

L was in his element. He created this happy dance and was thrilled at every turn, every new site every experience! 6 is a great age to discover the magic at Disney.

We took 3 days to explore Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom and finished with Epcot, which means, Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow (Disney).

The last time I was there, I was 13. Hubbie was around 18? His family used to go every year since he was 10. They had good friends that lived in Orlando and would make a winter trip. They would drive down from NY and spend some quality time with their friends. They actually met these friends in the hospital when hubbie was born along with their son, M. M and hubbie are close friends to this day, so you never know who you are going meet and how long they will be in your life.

Here are some pics from our trip.....

Maybe another trip in a couple of years??? I would love to make this an annual thing, like my hubbie had growing up, but realistically, we have no idea where we will be next year. Additionally, with the economic crunch, we are lucky to have food on the table, which we are very thankful for.

03 January, 2009

Taking a Break for Disney!

Tomorrow we leave for Walt Disney World! The boys are thrilled beyond belief that Santa actually brought us tickets like they wanted!

I will be taking a mini break from the site to enjoy family time, but will return with lots of fun stuff.

The New Year is shaping up to be a terrific one for our family. I am thankful for the lessons of the past and look forward to applying them, as I need to in the present, so the future is bright!

Blessings to each and every one of you!