29 May, 2010

Cleansing Tears

For the past couple of days, I have had a splitting headache.  The drastic change in my hormone levels is like the Demon Drop to my head.  (Clear reference to Cedar Point for anyone who lives near the North Shore.... Lake Erie that is).

Tonight I was watching some TV, Parenthood to be exact.  I started to cry at some of the story lines and miraculously, my headache is gone.  Is it that simple a good cry gets the hormones in order?

Not certain how it all works, but feeling better as if the clouds have lifted and the rainbow is around the corner.  Goddess knows I could use some good times!  Life has been very challenging and I am working hard to put it all into perspective and take it one day at a time.  But when it rains, it really poured this past week.  Time for the stormy clouds to lift away and make way for some Sunny skies.

Anyone else in need of a rainbow?

26 May, 2010

Finding Relief

Late Monday night, I started the beginning to an end.  I had a miscarriage.  For the past 2 months I have known about this pregnancy.  This wasn't a planned pregnancy, but after our initial shock and surprise, we were very excited to welcome a new soul to our family. 

3 weeks ago, the ultrasound discovered a subchorionic bleed.  Some of these bleeds are benign, but that wasn't my fate.  After the miscarriage I had in 2007, I thought that just maybe I had enough bad outcomes and I would carry a healthy baby.  For some reason this surprise was not to be a happy event.

There were many lessons learned, some that were surprising.  The boys learned when you pray, sometimes a different outcome will occur.  Now they are proud big brothers of an angel and that makes them happy, even though they were very excited to have a baby brother or sister, mostly sister.

I truly wish if this was to be the outcome, that I never became pregnant.  Having to miscarry at 12 weeks is no easy feat especially when you do it naturally, without the D&C scheduled.  Emotionally, I am relieved, as the past 3 weeks have been torture wondering if this was healthy or not, waiting for my next ultrasound appt. to see if there was a heartbeat and that the placenta was attached or if the bleed grew to detach it.

This stress was beyond what I thought could happen.  But now the answers are here, in terms of whether or not I would carry to my due date in fear of losing the baby each and every day. 

Will there be another baby for our family?  Not certain.  Time will tell and we need to make certain that all parties involved are healthy.  For now, I found relief in a horrible outcome and continue to learn about life's mysteries. 

May we all find some relief and solace to situations out of our control or understanding!

22 May, 2010

Messiness

This week has been full of messiness!  Not only was I sloppy, spilling ingredients all over the counters, dumping my shredding basket all over the floor, among many other incidents by momma, but the boys were in their glory of messes! 

It has taken the better part of the week to clean up, declutter, organize and FIND, items that needed to be put back in their homes; the places they belong.  In addition to this strainghtening up, we have been messy with our words, feelings and emotions.  Not really caring about the other, or ourselves in the process. 

The move to Ohio, has proven to be very messy. As the promotion came for mystikman, it didn't come without complications or messiness.  When it is all said and done, we will be in a place that we are meant to be in.  This I know.  But the process of getting there is a challenging mess! 

Even today, after 2 weeks of moving quotes, meetings, estimates, contracts, I still have no official contract with a company.  This has been very frustrating to say the least and it would appear the sales man in charge is not on the ball, causing me more mess in this process.  AT this point, when one is planning a long distance up country move, for an entire family, clear concise planning is appreciated and quite honestly needed! 

There are too many balls tossed in the air right now and it feels as if their are eggs about to crack all over my head. 

So in an attempt to clean up our own messiness, words, thoughts, feelings, emotions and living space, I pray this helps with the rest of our world and interactions. 

Let today be the start of clear communication, respect and integrity for all.  Let's discard the mess and move forward. 

19 May, 2010

Craving.....Malted Waffles!

Okay, I just thought about that malted waffle and I feel like I need to get me some!  It really was so delicious, maybe we will take one more trip there, before we leave to just eat that!  If that is all we order, then we certainly will be able to finish it. 

Other cravings... peace, calm, stress free move, ease in packing, my landlady to be super nice and return our deposits, health for my family and love for the world! 

See it isn't all about food....

18 May, 2010

Malted Waffles!

Last night we had dinner at one of the boys' favorite places, BIG PINK.  If you haven't been and live in the South Florida area, it is worth a stop. 

One of the best desserts I have had was last night.  I usually am not a waffle gal, but when you make it hot, top it with chocolate ice cream, drizzle with chocolate fudge sauce, top with real whipped cream, and then add sprinkles, well what you have is heaven on a cloud! 

The waffle's heat was so warming against the ice cream and then the whipped cream just started to slowly melt.  The boys and I were in heaven!  We kept saying after every bite... "Oh this is soooo goood! Wow is this Yummy"! 

Truly we enjoyed our meal last night and the ending was pure fantasy! 

Thank you BIG PINK! 

14 May, 2010

Becoming and Reflecting

Becoming the person we see in our head, or being the mirror reflected in our children is a tough challenge.  Most of us see images flash before our eyes in terms of the kind of life we want to live.  These images come from media, books, experiences, travels etc.  But the trick is becoming that person in the here and now.  I am still working on it, but feel as if I am getting closer each and every day.  

Something should also be said about those images and how healthy they are pending their source.  We all need to be comfortable without heavy expectation and influence, right?  



Carrie over at Parenting Passageways had the following posted on her blog:

"THE QUESTION FOR ALL:
So here is my question for all of you to meditate on today:  What are the most essential priorities in your life, and does your life reflect your essential priorities?  Could your children pick out your priorities by what you are MODELING for them (not your words, your actions!)  If not, what could you do to change your  life and activities so it matches your values even better?"

What a terrific question to ask!  Essential Priorities... With our upcoming move, we have the opportunity to carve out a new life for this little family.  What an exciting time to move into the people we are and are striving to be. 


Wishing us all the opportunity to be the person we essentially want to become! 

13 May, 2010

Power of Choice

"The past cannot be changed.
The future is yet in your power."
- Hugh White 



Hmmmm  Woke up yesterday realizing that it really doesn't matter about all the sticky family situations.  All of that is not a concern, because fact is, I have changed.  I have become more clear, calm and have the ability to gently do what is best for my little family.  It is all about choices, like the quote above..


The future is in my power and it is bright and full of Life! 

11 May, 2010

Back to Ohio

I WENT BACK TO OHIO
BUT MY PRETTY COUNTRYSIDE
HAD BEEN PAVED DOWN THE MIDDLE
BY A GOVERNMENT THAT HAD NO PRIDE
THE FARMS OF OHIO
HAD BEEN REPLACED BY SHOPPING MALLS
AND MUZAK FILLED THE AIR
FROM SENECA TO CUYAHOGA FALLS
SAID, A, O, OH WAY TO GO OHIO - The Pretenders

Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks Cleveland Rocks, CLEEEVELAND ROCKS! 

It is official, we are going back to Ohio.  Wonder what we will find there?  Will the city be gone, will it be paved down the middle or will it ROCK? 

Well so far it seems to ROCK, as today went real smooth in preparation.  This will be my 3rd time returning to "home".  Maybe third time will be the charm?  We hope so.  It will be nice to create a nice little place for us to land and enjoy. 

Here is a major move, Goddess help me make it through! 

09 May, 2010

Mother Blessings

Another Mother's Day is here and each one brings me closer to what a mother is.  Before having children, this is a day to honor your mother.  But then you become the mother, it changes and morphs into something altogether different.  It has the potential to bring you closer to your mother, but it brings something out in you that you didn't know existed.

I am grateful for my little men.  They have brought so much to my life and changed it for the better.  Even though there are days......

But today they made my bed, willingly emptied the dishwasher and have left little heart notes around my house.  I am a blessed momma and I pray these blessings continue for the rest of my life. 

06 May, 2010

Gratitude

The last couple of days, I have been writing in my possibilities journal.  Today it just hit me that each morning when I wake, I will write my blessings and gratitude.  If appropriate put my intentions and prayers in there along with dreams. 

I am also trying to incorporate morning meditation/visualization.  I have been part of some very intense meditation groups, but when it comes to self practice, I seem to let the ball drop.  However, this week, I have found an inner strength that needs to be expressed.  I am going to commit to me and what my spirit needs are.

By keeping my gratitude journal every day and centering my being each morning, I hope to create a peace that will carry me through each and every day.  As much as we try to be the people we see in our mind's eye, daily hiccups happen.  When we think we have dealt with family issues, they pop up again in a new form.  No matter how much we strive, there will always be another lesson around the corner to learn from.

I am taking this week, to focus on my spirit and feed it.  I must commit to me and my growth in order to be at peace when those hiccups happen.

This link may inspire you to delve deeper into gratitude  to www.GiveMeTheMasterKey.com

This is what I am striving for, what are you working on this week???

04 May, 2010

Living Through Uncertainty

Today they finally made the offer late in the afternoon.  It wasn't what mystikman wanted, so he let them know what it was going to take in order for him to make this move.  Now the ball is back in their court... and we wait.

It just seems that today was meant to teach some lesson in not knowing and having faith.  Having faith in the face of such confusion, or murkiness is difficult. No matter how you try to be positive or at peace with living in the moment, it is hard to be at true inner peace with where you are at the moment. 

I am struggling today and that is the most I can say. 

02 May, 2010

Life Lessons and Letting go of Shoulds!

The decision finally came late Friday night.  It appears this new opportunity wants mystikman.  The details of the offer will come on Monday and assuming it is what we were told on Friday, there will be little to discuss.  It would appear we are moving north, to Cleveland, Ohio. 

I refrain from saying we are moving back home... as I want this to be a new move, a new start.  After all we are older, wiser, more experienced and changed.  This move is an opportunity for our nuclear family to develop healthy relationships and continue our development as spiritual beings who are trying out best to love Mother Earth.

We have learned many important lessons about ourselves, our commitments and our goals as a family.  I don't want to lose those lessons, as they have shaped us in lovely ways.   We want to carve out a happy home with pure intention.  We will foster those relationships that are healthy and walk away from those that are not.  It isn't meant to be mean, but meant to just release the incencerity we all have it seems in our lives from the "shoulds". 

I was raised with "shoulds" and took this idea with me on my journey.  In graduate school, I had the wonderful opportunity to learn from a master of being it seemed.  He asked us to name all of our "shoulds".  What a crazy idea and we all looked at each other.  But then as it developed, I started to realize just how many I was holding.  I still carry them around, you could call them my "pain body" to reference Tolle.  But in truth it is part of my journey to let go. 

So we move forward to let go and even if we revisit a similar location, it doesn't mean it hasn't changed or improved.  We have the ability to improve our lives each and every moment.  This truly is an opportunity to take our life lessons and apply them, so we may learn more. 

When all is said and done, I welcome this change and look forward to a newness that I take inside of me.  This Island Paradise now has a place in my being and it will remind me of the many loving lessons that helped mold me into a kinder, more loving person that is valued and worth so much to the Universe!