I had an email exchange with a few of my mommy friends. After a couple of emails, it seemed as though it needed to be here on this blog. After all, I was rambling and as such I will ramble here and share with all....
"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do very well matters very much."
- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
I was watching a morning show the other day and saw a journalist mother from NC talk about how successful she was to bridge the working and mothering gap. However in the piece, she never let her work go. She was on the couch with her laptop and blackberry while her two little girls were trying to engage her to read a book. As the piece when on she talked about finding the balance of mothering and working. She states that she takes her role seriously as a mother.
I was struck by how un-motherly she was. Then I thought about mothering and how there are different types of mothers. Then my idea generating mind took over as it always does and thought, I should write a book on the different mothering styles, or the different types of mommies. Because clearly this woman was not the same mother I am or the same as any of you in this attachment. I actually didn’t find her as a mother type at all.
Now hear me on this, I am not saying that a working mother is not a mother, but this particular woman, never stopped her work, to engage with her children as a plain old mom. Granted I only saw this one segment, but from her comments and video piece, I have a hard time believing that she did actually stop her work for anything. It was as if the children were there in her life as a status quo or just something that was expected. So she figured out how to fit them in.
For the mom in my life, I know that how ever you became pregnant, the idea of becoming a mother changed you. You actually accepted the position, wanted it and said, "Okay, I am a mom", and then let me see what else I might do along with it. There was real desire to be a mom.
After this piece I saw on the show, I did realize there are so many different types of mothers and we rarely make a distinction beyond stay at home, single or working. But clearly there are differences even amongst those groupings as well. As the intellect digs deeper, I wonder, pending the type of mother you are, or had, how does this prepare you as an adult? I would go out on a limb and say that each of us want the same thing for our children and we strive to put the necessary building blocks together for our children so they are actualized adults with heart, mind, body and soul. However, each of us are different mothers and will we achieve the same result? Are there ingredients to achieving the same result and are they accessible to each type of mother? In the end does it matter what type of mother you are to achieve the desired result? Of course I believe that it doesn’t matter to some extent… mind you I don’t think this woman in the piece gets motherhood yet, but still, what are those ingredients and wouldn’t it be a fascinating study to sort out?