02 April, 2008

Settling Down

I was watching a prime time show, Men in Trees tonight and found myself connecting with the main character, Marin Frist. In this episode, Marin in struggling to keep her "Pre Elmo" identity. This is no different from countless people who struggle to keep alive the glory days, even if those glory days aren't the same or reasonable anymore.

At the end of the show, after trying to keep up with the Jet Setters, Marin finds herself at home, cozying up with her hunky flannel clad boyfriend playing a simple game of Scrabble. The scene was nice, warm and inviting, something I can really find harmony with these days.

First impression was how nice it is to find that peace and calm in one's life. Then it made me appreciate my crazy single life, before hubbie and lovely L and V. I am grateful to have had my experiences that led me around the world on many an adventure. Some moments were thrilling, scary, dangerous, hilarious and impressionable. I learned along the way as I continue to do, but at this moment I find the phrase settling down to be peaceful and right.

If I never allowed myself freedom to roam and ramble, would I be able to appreciate settling down?

I shared some correspondence with a very dear friend recently and it led me down a path of piecing it all together to realize that even though I am still the same girl who did all of those outrageous things... I am also the very woman who is willing to reflect, do the work and forge ahead to what lies beyond today. If it weren't for those lewd moments, loud outburst, scandalous trysts, would I be able to appreciate myself in ways I have come to love?

It is a struggle to be a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, because there are so many deep dark hidden secrets. But there is true beauty in finding yourself as you are and loving the person you've become. There is also beauty in knowing settling down can be a safe haven, not an escape but a welcome reward to a life lived fully in each moment.

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