24 May, 2009

May Musing on Loneliness

Feeling a bit lonely these days. Actually the past couple of weeks, I realized that I was missing my friends. I miss talking to people that know me and we have a memory together. It seems we are all so very busy, family, work, social obligations, hobbies, routines etc. Of course this isn't helped by the simple fact, all of my friends live miles away! I mean miles!

Where most friends are down the block or a short drive away, mine span the country and an ocean or two. When friends gather and make plans for dinner, the movie, shopping, hanging out, well I just don't do that. Actually I haven't done that for quite some time. Last time that really happened was back in 1999. Since that time, I married and moved with mystikman. We moved there and then there and now here.

The most constant contact I have is with my family and I spent a good 2 years in turmoil because of that contact. It was harsh, cruel and not nurturing. Things have improved and the contact is not painful anymore.

But this doesn't take away that from time to time I miss my friends. I miss growing in conversation, dialogue what have you. The boys provide ample interaction and mystikman is good company, but there is something to be said for good friends.

I have made some new friends and look forward to growing these relationships, but where does that leave the old ones? We seem to be spreading out and walking away from each other.

Let me provide a visual...imagine me in the center with a handful of people walking away making a firework explosion pattern. All of my friends hail from different times of my life in different locations of my life. I honestly can say 2 people became friends of mine at the same time. They couldn't be more different and they are not really friends. They were only brought together via me. But the rest I found along my path, college, Urbino, Masters Degree, London, VISTA, (sorry still don't want to refer to this as AmeriCorps), NOLA, NY and now Miami.
All these different stops along they way, I made some really great friends that wanted to go in the same direction. Now we all have split up and taken a different route. Maybe I want to meet up again at a familiar train stop? Maybe that is all I need to feel connected again? I don't' know, but I am admitting, which I rarely do, that I miss my friends. I miss the laughter, the fun, the hugs, the serious talks, the exchange of ideas. Yes I miss the exchange.

Having said this, I love MystikMan! He is my constant my touchstone. I appreciate him, even when he pesters me!


Anonymous said...

"Everyone is lonely, we touch other people for brief times, then we're alone again".

I think that when we were younger, it was easier to ignore the loneliness, to push it aside in the rush of always doing something. As we get older and our lives settle more into a routine, those moments of loneliness are a bit harder to ignore. However, you (like me) have a host of memories
to keep you company in those times. You've got a great family, and you still do have friends out here, although I'm hurt that you didn't mention me...*sniffle* :)

We're all kind of like dice tumbling around...showing a different face depending on the moment and the person watching us. You have different friends that you can talk about different things to, but rarely someone you can talk to about everything. But that's why you have a blog silly. So that you can put everything out there, and different people will be able to pick and choose those sections that they have in common with you to reply. Note that there are topics that you post that I don't reply to because those particular subjects don't overlap with my interests. So pull out your photo albums (I know you have them) review some good memories from your life, and make some new ones with your family.


MystikMomma said...

Yes memories are good and being with my family is a blessing. There are times, that I miss the exchange among peers and especially with peers that I have a history with, or herstory with.