20 April, 2008

Faith and Trust... my lessons?

In catching up a friend the other night, I retold my day to day struggles of late. Her comment was that I must be learning how to trust and have faith. I ponder this idea, as I thought I did okay in this department. But when I deconstruct the idea, I admit, I am having a hard time trusting my hubbie to make the right decisions or be capable of doing what is expected in his job. After all, his job is dictating our current situation. If he is not capable, then his current job will fall apart or he will in the process. If he is capable then the question is why on earth is he not able to manage his boss and secure certain things that were promised at the start?

If he is not capable, will he be strong enough to admit and accept the job at the Ritz Carlton? After all, once he is part of the machine again, he will be forced to learn the process and by default be capable in time.

Faith, this is a harder one to admit. Somewhere I know things will work out as they need to. After all, everything happens for a reason, some we like and others we don't. I do believe in this idea strongly. However, faith that it will work out in a peaceful, gentle, graceful way? No is the answer. There is too much turmoil in our world and to think it won't touch me is naive to say the least. We are churning in this mess like so many others. We are not alone in having to make difficult decisions on how we live, where we live, what we choose to do for a living etc.

Many people are being squeezed financially, which is causing a hardship. I just pray that I allow grace and ease to flow over me, as I walk through the obstacles placed in my path.

After saying this, I realize I do have faith, because I know I will continue walking, continue living anc continue forward. This is faith, the constant urge to move on, without knowing the outcome.

Trust, well I am working on that one when it comes to my hubbie. I do trust him in his love for me, our boys, his commitments, but it is the trust of his skills that are challenging me now. I have never worked with him and do not know his management style, ability etc. This is the area that I guess I need to bring my faith to and just let it be.

I guess I trust he will do his best, I just pray it is enough.

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