20 August, 2008

Mothers and Mothering

This past week, I have been reflecting on the position of mothers and the act of mothering. We all have a mother, a woman that gave us life. Some of our mothers helped us grow, nurtured us and gave us a mothering touch. Some of our mothers were detached and weren't able to be a mother to us.

Recently a dear friend of mine said her farewells to her mother. She had a mother that wasn't able to "mother". Of course her situation is full of mixed emotions and issues that she will need to find peace with.

2 other friends also have mothers that have been less that the mothering type. They continually have to figure out the relationship and the limits of their interactions.

Another friend lost her mother at a young critical age. She has grown up with a strong sense of what her mother is to her in memory. And yet another friend has figured out a way to find the beauty in her mother, even if it came after 35 years of struggle.

Each of us deals with our mother issues, what we liked, hated, needed, wanted etc. I deal with my own struggles. I never liked my mom as a child. I felt as if she was just a caretaker in many ways. Did the things that needed to be done and I accepted it. I didn't have that lovely dovey relationship. When I went to college, I found my mom to be a friend. She and I created a bond that was strong and reliable. I was grateful for that opportunity and I saw beauty in her I never did before.

These past two years the relationship crumbled to the ground and shattered all that was around it. We both were wounded and still harboring scares and residual wounds. I hear it every time we talk. When I hear a touch of tenderness in her voice or words, it hurts my heart, for I remember how close we were and now how fragmented we are.

Our mothers play such a crucial role in our lives. Profound in how they leave their marks, beyond the belly button.

As a mother, I am determined to be a person that offers love, support, guidance, limits and silliness to my children. I want them to feel safe around me no matter what the situation. When I die, I want them to know I am in their hearts and live through their actions. I don't want them to be sad, or happy, but at peace knowing I was their mother and they will always have me.

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