29 January, 2009

Coming Full Circle with Therapy!

I am a Barbra Streisand fan. If you are too, then you may have a point of reference for the little story I will share today. There was a concert she did years ago and during an introduction for one of her many songs, she shared a couple of snippets from her "Doctor" days. Basically, making comments on all the various therapists one goes through in a lifetime. There is one particular moment when she comes to the idea that she is not ready to leave her therapist, but the therapist thinks it is time to move on.

This idea of not being ready to leave and wanting to go back for more and more therapy struck me odd. I have been in therapy on and off over the course of 18 years. There were years I was under no council, and then years where I went 1-2 a month. I had a handfull of therapists, trained professionals who were willing and being paid to listen to me, poke the thoughts out of me and at one point just sat and looked at me saying nothing!

My goal has always been to fix my problem and then move out in the world on my own. I thought I had this pattern finally fixed, because I certainly didn't identify with Barbra's not wanting to move on from her therapist idea.

However, after the birth of V, I was given a very strong dose of postpartum anxiety that revered its ugly head during breastfeeding. This is a rare condition that few new mothers experience. But I was one of those few that would get increased anxiety during breastfeeding. I found myself back in therapy needless to say.

V is now 4 and some months. Suffice it to say, I have been in therapy for 4 years with the same therapist and after my session this past Tuesday, I am amazed that we still have something to talk about. I am no longer exploring anxiety, but have come to an interesting part of therapy where we discuss personal development and spiritual growth. I have an internal thought, that it will stop when I leave a session with nothing, as in she didn't give me anything to eat so to speak. But once again, I left with different thoughts and ideas and angles. I am blessed to finally have arrived at this place in my development. My therapist and I gel, we really have an open relationship, one of trust and honor. I truly am grateful for such guidance and willingness to help me better myself.

Now I understand the idea that Barbra mentioned years ago, in not wanting to leave therapy. Not that I will one day leave, as it is we talk only once a month or once every 2 months. But the idea I have forged a meaningful relationship with a person whose vested interest is me.

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